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Old 03-30-2004, 10:48 PM   #1
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Question Need some help

Whenever I watch T.V. or look in magazines everyone is so beautiful and perfect and I just sit there and envy them. I'm really a pretty girl, people have even asked me to model for them. The other day I was at Abercrombie and Fitch and the guy there told me I should work there and I just thought how could I actually work here when everyone that works here is so perfect. No matter how much prettier I get I'm never satisfied because I've seen so many more girls that are prettier than me. Some days I get so depressed about it I refuse to leave my house. I can't get a job because theres so way I can look perfect every single day. I'm starting to become really anti social, I don't really want to talk or hang out with anybody. I'm starting to lose some of my friends because they think I don't like them anymore or something. Also I'm really tired (I sleep like 12 hours a day maybe) and I'm thinking maybe it's because I'm depressed. I've heard anti depressants make you break out so that's the main reason I haven't tried them. But I'm not even sure if it's depression. Maybe it's anxiety? I dunno...what do you think??? Please help...

 
Old 03-30-2004, 11:03 PM   #2
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Re: Need some help

Quote:
Originally Posted by aLL_EyEz_oN_mE
Whenever I watch T.V. or look in magazines everyone is so beautiful and perfect and I just sit there and envy them.
Stop watching T.V. and wasting money on magazines.

These mediums are about making money. Women certainly looked different in magazines 50 years ago. And the look keeps changing ... why? MONEY, TURNOVER, UPDATE ... UPDATE ... UPDATE. Keep buying ... BUY BUY BUY

If you thing about it too much, it WILL get you down.

Defiance. Don't give them a cent. Shop at Wal-mart. Be an individual.



Quote:
Originally Posted by aLL_EyEz_oN_mE
I can't get a job because theres so way I can look perfect every single day.
You should seek help on this one.

CBT (Congnitive Behavioural Therapy) will fix this quick smart. This is certainly a symptom of chronic clinical depression. You should mention this to your GP.

You only need to look good for the one you need to look good for. If this person doesn't like the way you look first thing in the morning, they are not THE one!

 
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Old 03-31-2004, 04:50 AM   #3
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Re: Need some help

Every model you see in a magazine has been made up by a professional, had their hair done by a professional & their photos taken at just the right angle by a professional. You wouldn't recognize one of them without all their make up & hair do's. Do not compare yourself to them, none of us look like that & they don't either unless they get all that work done on them. Pay attention to the person you are inside & not be so vain as to think looks are everything, cause they are not. Many beautiful people are the most hateful people you'd want to meet.

 
Old 03-31-2004, 06:25 PM   #4
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Re: Need some help

Quote:
Originally Posted by aLL_EyEz_oN_mE
Whenever I watch T.V. or look in magazines everyone is so beautiful and perfect and I just sit there and envy them. I'm really a pretty girl, people have even asked me to model for them. The other day I was at Abercrombie and Fitch and the guy there told me I should work there and I just thought how could I actually work here when everyone that works here is so perfect. No matter how much prettier I get I'm never satisfied because I've seen so many more girls that are prettier than me. Some days I get so depressed about it I refuse to leave my house. I can't get a job because theres so way I can look perfect every single day. I'm starting to become really anti social, I don't really want to talk or hang out with anybody. I'm starting to lose some of my friends because they think I don't like them anymore or something. Also I'm really tired (I sleep like 12 hours a day maybe) and I'm thinking maybe it's because I'm depressed. I've heard anti depressants make you break out so that's the main reason I haven't tried them. But I'm not even sure if it's depression. Maybe it's anxiety? I dunno...what do you think??? Please help...
I agree with Possum on all counts and urge you to look into CBT! It's all about using the tools to learn to think more clearly and accurately about things and once you do your anxiety will begin to lift before your eyes and you will be able to get out of your own way and start accomplishing the things you want to
My favorite starter book on cbt is "Been there, done that? Do this!" By sam obitz. Many universities offer cbt programs for little or no charge.

As for being perfect..... Perfect does not exist in reality, it's an illusion we create that keeps us down. Look around you and see if anything is perfect? Are all of the trees and shrubs outside perfectly shaped and sized? Are any of the cars perfect? Not a single ding or scratch or dust or bird poop on them? We can ALWAYS improve on anything and everything. If you look at anything closely enough you WILL see flaws. The problem is we are always looking closely at ourselves! Part of the disease of anxiety and depression is that we think if we are "perfect" everything will be the way we want it to be. I spent most of my life trying to be perfect thinking that was the only way I would get the love I deserved and needed. It was an awful trap and I had no idea I was setting myself up for failure with it. Trying to be perfect only serves to make it harder to get started on things (out of fear of not being able to do anything perfectly) and sucks the enjoyment out of everything we do. Try instead to be ordinary You will be amazed at how hard it is to be just ordinary and how great it feels. Eventually you will be able to learn to allow yourself to fail (though I imagine this will not happen often) and you will be amazed (as I was) how good this can feel as once you allow yourself to fail you will find out (like I have) that it's generally not a big deal and that will free up more wasted energy than you ever even knew you had in you. I know right now this sounds ludicrous but you'll just have to try it and see for yourself.


Billy
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Old 03-31-2004, 06:46 PM   #5
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Re: Need some help

Quote:
Originally Posted by billy7772
Eventually you will be able to learn to allow yourself to fail
I think billy7772 was trying to say, "give it a go" and if you fail, learn from what you did wrong, pick yourself up, and try again!

Fear of failure causes procrastination and indecisiveness. Eventually NOTHING gets done and you slump into a depressive state.

Get out there. Be yourself. If someone doesn't like you, SO WHAT?

Smile at someone. I'll bet they'll smile back. If they don't, they are probably having a bad day, think your a weirdo or trying to work out if they have bird poo on their head.

(NOTE: Your the inspiration for my first signature: below)
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Mr designer, if your fashion is so good, why do you need expensive models?

 
Old 03-31-2004, 09:22 PM   #6
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Re: Need some help

What is CBT? If it involves seeing a psychologist I refuse. I've already tried that and all I could do was crack up cuz the questions she asked were so stupid. I was thinking maybe there would be some kind of pill to take or something??? thanks to everyone that has replied.

 
Old 03-31-2004, 09:42 PM   #7
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Re: Need some help

Quote:
Originally Posted by aLL_EyEz_oN_mE
What is CBT? If it involves seeing a psychologist I refuse. I've already tried that and all I could do was crack up cuz the questions she asked were so stupid. I was thinking maybe there would be some kind of pill to take or something??? thanks to everyone that has replied.
cognitive behavioral therapy, yep, it's seeing a therapist, not taking a pill.

 
Old 03-31-2004, 10:02 PM   #8
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Re: Need some help

Quote:
Originally Posted by aLL_EyEz_oN_mE
I was thinking maybe there would be some kind of pill to take or something???
It took me over 10 years of symptoms to get my doctor to initially convince me to try an anti-depressant (which didn't work btw).

While you don't have to wait 10 years, don't rush into trying medication till your absolutely certain you need them. Anti-depressants are for people with a chemical imbalance. Also, medication will make you sick whether you need it or not.

Get all the standard tests (blood, urine, ecg, etc.) done first!
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Mr designer, if your fashion is so good, why do you need expensive models?

 
Old 03-31-2004, 10:16 PM   #9
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Re: Need some help

Quote:
Originally Posted by aLL_EyEz_oN_mE
What is CBT? If it involves seeing a psychologist I refuse. I've already tried that and all I could do was crack up cuz the questions she asked were so stupid. I was thinking maybe there would be some kind of pill to take or something??? thanks to everyone that has replied.
CBT is not like other talk therapy. A good CBT therapist does not care much about your past or why you think you feel the way you do etc. A good CBT therapist knows they cannot change what's already happened to you but they can help you change how you deal with what happens in your life from here on out. It's all about using the tools to learn to think more clearly and accurately about things and once you do your depression will miraculously begin to lift before your eyes. If you are motivated you can do it yourself as CBT therapists are more like teachers than listeners and there to motivate you as CBT depends on you helping yourself rather than some therapist comforting you. My favorite starter book on CBT is "Been There, Done That? Do This! by Sam Obitz. You may also want to check out the mood gym site for further research on CBT. Take care.


Billy
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Last edited by billy7772; 03-31-2004 at 10:17 PM.

 
Old 03-31-2004, 10:40 PM   #10
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Re: Need some help

Quote:
Originally Posted by billy7772
A good CBT therapist
Everything billy7772 said is spot on! Note, billy7772 mentions a "good" therapist for a reason. A degree doesn't instantly make a person good at their chosen profession.

I haven't read the book billy7772 recommends yet, but I am doing the mood gym course online. I'm only a quarter of the way through the exercises and have benefited quite a lot.
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Mr designer, if your fashion is so good, why do you need expensive models?

 
Old 03-31-2004, 10:42 PM   #11
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Re: Need some help

Quote:
Originally Posted by possum
I think billy7772 was trying to say, "give it a go" and if you fail, learn from what you did wrong, pick yourself up, and try again!

Fear of failure causes procrastination and indecisiveness. Eventually NOTHING gets done and you slump into a depressive state.

Get out there. Be yourself. If someone doesn't like you, SO WHAT?

Smile at someone. I'll bet they'll smile back. If they don't, they are probably having a bad day, think your a weirdo or trying to work out if they have bird poo on their head.

(NOTE: Your the inspiration for my first signature: below)
Exactly Possum Thank you for clarifying
I also love the SO WHAT advice

Billy
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Don't expect anyone to help you, if you won't help yourself!

 
Old 03-31-2004, 10:48 PM   #12
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Re: Need some help

Quote:
Originally Posted by possum
Everything billy7772 said is spot on! Note, billy7772 mentions a "good" therapist for a reason. A degree doesn't instantly make a person good at their chosen profession.

I haven't read the book billy7772 recommends yet, but I am doing the mood gym course online. I'm only a quarter of the way through the exercises and have benefited quite a lot.
Thanks Possum! I did say good for a reason Too many bad ones and ones that claim to practice CBT that are not doing CBT but regular old therapy and calling it CBT so insurance companies will pay their claims; very sad!

Try and read the Obitz book if you get a chance as I think you will like it and find it useful. Ironically there was a whole chapter on SO WHAT in it
Mood gym is good and quincy alerted me to the site and she knows her stuff!

Take care

Billy
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Old 04-01-2004, 05:47 PM   #13
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Re: Need some help

Hi A_E_O_M,

Interesting dilema you have going on for yourself, no wonder you're stuck in a rut.

1) define pretty or beautiful. It's subjective, in the eyes of the individual. By whose measuring stick have you judged yourself so harshly?

2) KNOW that you haven't got a clue what other people are thinking about you. It's only YOUR skewed perspective of what other people are thinking. As a matter of fact, people probably aren't even thinking about you at all.

3) As they pass you in the street or serve you in a store, they may say, what a pretty girl....but I can guarantee you they're NOT saying what a sort-of-pretty-girl who isn't perfect nor can ever work in Abercrombie and Fitch or even hold a candle to any air-brushed model in a magazine.

4) Being a model now-a-days doesn't mean one has to be pretty or even beautiful. Make-up is the most wonderful tool!!

5) What goals do you have? What skills do you have? What skills do you want to have?

6) What are some of the positives about yourself that you haven't yet noticed?

7) Where would you like to work or what profession would you like to do?

8) YOU as a whole person has been limited only as to how you look. You and in your perception of others has put you on a pedestal so HIGH, you have become totally incapacitated because you are afraid of what -- to continue that standard consistently??? Everyone takes downtime (as per what Lori mentioned)

9) Dr. Phil has a book called "Self-Matters". Pick it up and read it. There's also a workbook that you can use to work on events in your life that may have led you to believe that you are only your looks.

10) There is also a book called "Appearance Obsession: Learning to Love the Way You Look" by Joni E. Johnston. Just check it out...you may find another book that deals with perfection of appearances.

11) There is also a book called "Procrastination: Why You Do It, What To Do About It" by Jane B. Burka and Lenora M. Yuen.
I refer to it many times, since my problem as of late is procrastination.

Procrastination is definitely fear based, but it's not only of failure. It can be of success (which I think is the problem you are having), of control, of separation (and rejection) and of attachment. It says roots are in childhood AND adult experiences. Well worth checking out.

12) Do you want to make any changes at all?

13) Why did you laugh at the last psychologist and why were some of the questions so lame?

14) it's definitely anxiety, and you've become depressed because of your self-criticism and self-loathing. I think you're focussing on your looks as a defense.

15) Everything you're doing are defense mechanisms and you're descending into self-imposed isolation. I would be concerned as to why you think your friends are so shallow to not like you as a person rather than how you look.

16) Why would you think so lowly of yourself that you don't deserve friends, a job, and to just be accepted for who you are?

17) Cognitive behavioural therapy would work for you, but I do really believe you need to also deal with issues where you have obviously felt great rejection and non-acceptance.

18) Here's the scale: On one side medication that could help you to feel better and to deal with issues on a cognitive level, the other side being POSSIBLY a few zits. Does this seem balanced to you?

19) Medication isn't the answer, it's a band-aid if used alone.

You really need to ask yourself some serious questions, but I think you need a little help. I suspect the questions from the last therapist were actually point blank and were laughed at because they may have been truthful rather than lame.

The decision is ultimately yours...depends, tho on how much you really, really, REALLY WANT to change.

If it's any consolation, I can relate to you, not necessarily the exact issues, but I've isolated myself from the world because I didn't want people to see "ME".

Find the trust in yourself that you've obviously been supressing. Seek the truth and beauty in the REAL you...not the phoney images that you're believing you should be living up to. Continue on the path you're on and you'll be guaranteed to remain where you are.

My very best to you,
quincy
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Old 04-02-2004, 11:26 PM   #14
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Re: Need some help

I was thinkin that if there was a pill that worked just like alcohol that would just be great. When im drunk I dont worry about any of that stuff. I'm 17 years old so I don't really have time to read or go to therapy...I barely have time to get my homework done.

 
Old 04-03-2004, 12:26 AM   #15
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Re: Need some help

Do whatever you like...it's your life...all decisions are yours. Remember that when you take your next drink to numb your feelings. go to your doctor and ask him/her for meds such as ativan or valium...that should support your denial. You're only 17, should have realised that. Sorry for the input...you're not ready for it yet.


Next!!!

q
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