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Old 04-03-2004, 12:08 PM   #1
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jinglebts HB Userjinglebts HB User
Unhappy i feel invisible ...

... and have all my life, i guess ... but it's getting worse ...

i'm on ADs and getting counselling, but the thing is, my husband (he has ADD) doesn't listen to me, never asks about me, never asks my opinion on anything .. . we've been married for 21 years but his symptoms are getting worse (he's finally being treated) ... i feel like i'm just one big interruption in his life ...

please don't underestimate the power of this to negate one's feelings -- i feel like nothing ...

i don't know if this is the right board on which to post this (my usual haunt is the thyroid board) ... has anyone else ever felt invisible? irrelevant?

jb
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Old 04-03-2004, 12:45 PM   #2
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hry33 HB Userhry33 HB User
Re: i feel invisible ...

do you complain of these problems to your husband? people cant read others minds

 
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Old 04-03-2004, 10:24 PM   #3
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jinglebts HB Userjinglebts HB User
Unhappy Re: i feel invisible ...

Quote:
Originally Posted by hry33
do you complain of these problems to your husband? people cant read others minds
we talk long into the night about them and have for years (now we fight every day ), but he's a closed type of person, trying to become more open but it's a slow process, and when he finally calms down, a lot of damage is done ...

and he'll agree, and nod wisely, and i'll think "i've finally gotten thru' to him!", but the next day ... we have the same old same old ...

we've been getting marriage counselling for about a year now and i just realized (and told him) tonite: he puts on his best face for the counsellor (he even owns up to doing it -- the ADD approval seeking, you see), so i leave the office thinking that things are better, but they're not -- it was all an act ...

jb
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Old 04-04-2004, 05:49 PM   #4
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mattj949 HB User
Re: i feel invisible ...

I know this may be difficult and may sound rude, but if you are unhappy with him and you don't see him getting any better, then get out. Life is too short to put up with that sort of thing.

I was married for 3 years and I was very unhappy. I finally got out (it was VERY VERY HARD) and I became much happier for a time (until I screwed up my life in other ways, but I won't get into that here). Now my ex-wife and I are great friends, and I wouldn't have it any other way.

Just my .02 ...........

 
Old 04-04-2004, 11:04 PM   #5
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jinglebts HB Userjinglebts HB User
Talking Re: i feel invisible ...

Quote:
Originally Posted by mattj949
I know this may be difficult and may sound rude, but if you are unhappy with him and you don't see him getting any better, then get out. Life is too short to put up with that sort of thing.

I was married for 3 years and I was very unhappy. I finally got out (it was VERY VERY HARD) and I became much happier for a time (until I screwed up my life in other ways, but I won't get into that here). Now my ex-wife and I are great friends, and I wouldn't have it any other way.

Just my .02 ...........
no, it doesn't sound rude: indeed, i've thought of it many many times, and recently moreso ... but: we've been married for 20 years, just recently have had a spate of bad luck (he was laid off and it's been nine months!! -- we live in a town where hi-tech rules and i'm sure he'll get a job sometime, and i've just recently acquired thyroid disease -- oh joy) so it's all just hard -- and we had such a good thing going until a couple of years ago ...

i know if he could just get some kind if job he'd be much better, but meanwhile i feel less and less visible and as if there's no "I" ... and we get to go and see our "financial advisor" (hah!) and we'll probably have to sell up everything we own just to live ...

but thanks ...
jb
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keep the faith ...

 
Old 04-04-2004, 11:14 PM   #6
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lori j HB User
Re: i feel invisible ...

Well, most husbands do get that way after so many years. I know that mine does not listen to me at all. They all acquire that ability to turn us off. Now, we do talk & make decisions together, but it's getting more annoying all the time when he says I didnt' tell him something that I KNOW I DID!

Basically, though, we have a good marriage, do a lot of things together & enjoy things together, but that is irritating & getting worse.

I ask him if he ignores people at work who talk to him, like he does me! LOL

Your husband may also be going thru some depression right now due to being out of work. I remember one time when my husband was laid off, early on in our marriage & he was totally depressed & felt like a loser. He is an upbeat, happy, outgoing person, so it wasn't like him at all to be that way. Maybe once your husband gets a job, he'll be better.

 
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