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Old 04-03-2004, 02:38 PM   #1
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unloveable HB User
depressed?

i've recently dropped out of college and i'm having trouble looking for a job... i don't know what to do with my life and i either can't get a job or i don't like it.

in my earlier teens i used to self-harm and was depressed, although i never went to a doctor. i used to talk to my english teacher about how i felt and he advised seeing a doctor/therapist as he thought i may be clinically depressed.

i got through it on my own, but now i'm starting to feel it all over again. there's only one aspect of my life that gives me the will to carry on and that's my boyfriend, but we're arguing a lot lately (due to my mood swings) and i can't help feeling that, subconsciously, maybe i'm trying to ruin the only good thing in my life so i have more of an excuse to give up all together.

i don't know how i'm feeling, sometimes i'll be so tired i'll hae to take naps, other times i'll be up until 3am with insomnia. when i'm hungry i'm incapable of deciding what i want to eat. i can't express myself like i used to... i used to be artistic, now i can't write poems, sketch or even read a book!

i feel i'm wasting away on the outside... i feel trapped. like i don't know who i am anymore.

i don't know if this is depression... all i know is that i feel empty. and i don't like what i'm becoming.

i'm not miserable all the time, sometimes i can have a good laugh with my boyfriend or my friends and family, it's just when all the distractions go away i'm left feeling... numb? i don't know how to describe it.

me and my boyfriend haven't had much money lately, so this has resulted in spending many nights in. i feel like i want to go out... but even if we could, i wouldn't know where! i don't know what i like doing anymore... i don't know what to do...

any advice as to what i should do would be much appreciated.

thank you.

 
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Old 04-03-2004, 06:11 PM   #2
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possum HB User
Re: depressed?

Quote:
Originally Posted by unloveable
arguing a lot lately (due to my mood swings)
"Clinical" depression involves these mood swings. I used to have at least 3 (usually more) every day.

Quote:
Originally Posted by unloveable
i don't know how i'm feeling, sometimes i'll be so tired i'll hae to take naps, other times i'll be up until 3am with insomnia.
Fatigue, light headness, nausea, sudden sweating for no reason are all symptoms of "clinical" depression

Quote:
Originally Posted by unloveable
when i'm hungry i'm incapable of deciding what i want to eat.
INDECISION along with the tiredness is the main reason I went to seek help. FOR ME, this is the most annoying symptom of "clinical" depression.

Quote:
Originally Posted by unloveable
i can't express myself like i used to... i used to be artistic, now i can't write poems, sketch or even read a book!
Lack of concentration. This used to come and go for me. Times I'd be "ok" then all of a sudden I couldn't think, concentrate or memorize.

Quote:
Originally Posted by unloveable
i feel i'm wasting away on the outside... i feel trapped. like i don't know who i am anymore.

i don't know if this is depression... all i know is that i feel empty. and i don't like what i'm becoming.
The good news is your condition (if it is "clincal" depression) is treatable.

As I've mentioned in quite a few posts on these boards, go see a GP and get all the standard tests done to rule out any physical anomalies. "Clinical" depression can be a symptom of a serious illness. If you can not find anything with standard tests, then a referral to a specialist is the next "port of call".

Just out of curiosity, why have you chosen the name unloveable?
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Old 04-03-2004, 11:17 PM   #3
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Re: depressed?

" Give up all together "---sounds alluring, but it doesn't help anything in the long run (been there). If your man really is nice and you care about him, be nice to him in return.
It's hard to find someone, who really cares.
there has to be another way to express your sadness, other than taking it out on him.
Maybe you could talk to him about your problems and turn to him as a sort of counselor, if he treats you right.
but not knowing him personally, you're the best judge of that.
.. Hope you feel better.

 
Old 04-04-2004, 06:12 AM   #4
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unloveable HB User
Re: depressed?

Quote:
Originally Posted by possum
Just out of curiosity, why have you chosen the name unloveable?
i'm into morrissey... it's one of his songs

 
Old 04-04-2004, 06:18 AM   #5
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Re: depressed?

the thing is, i do talk about how i feel to him... it's just i get irritable sometimes, for no reason. because i'm around him all the time, it's always him that it gets taken out on, and it's not fair.

yeah... i don't know if this is related... but possum, you said something about 'light headedness'... sometimes when i get up i black out and collapse on the the nearest thing i see... things go blurry and then a few seconds later i'm okay, apart from a tingling sensation in my hands and face. what could that be?

 
Old 04-04-2004, 12:46 PM   #6
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chigs489 HB User
Re: depressed?

Depression is a complicated thing. But its most striking feature is the war against the world of others, by attacking the self. Depressed people are angry. Their rage is internalized, and is like a cancer eating away at them.

I think on a more philosophical note, depression is grief, which is an absence of hope. Gabriel Marcel once noted that grief tends to become more abstract and encompassing as time goes on. It swallows up the world, unlike hope, which latches on to specific things; "I hope in my children, or I hope that I get into Yale, or I hope in God."

He also writes "Pessimism is rooted in the same soil as the inability to be at the disposal of others." That is to say, the depressed person is inwardly directed, unavailable, and like I said before, angry.

Did you drop out of college because you are waiting for someone to save you? Are you angry at everyone, and therefore feel that they owe you?

Do you have any hobbies or goals? Without projects and direction, we become bored and anxious.

Are you trying to find happiness in someone else (your boyfriend)?

Why are you angry?

Are the barriers in front of you barriers of your own creation? Like the artist who refuses to paint because she feels she has nothing to express. Meanwhile, an empty canvas sits in the living room.

 
Old 04-04-2004, 08:08 PM   #7
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possum HB User
Re: depressed?

Quote:
Originally Posted by chiggins1066
I think on a more philosophical note, depression is grief, which is an absence of hope.
This is more to do with grief NOT "clinical" depression. My symptoms are real, very real. They have affected me and my relationship with eveyone around me. My wife left a few months ago after 8 years of marriage. There is NO reason anyone can find for my "clinical" depression ... but I haven't given up the search

Quote:
Originally Posted by unloveable
the thing is, i do talk about how i feel to him... it's just i get irritable sometimes, for no reason. because i'm around him all the time, it's always him that it gets taken out on, and it's not fair.
Unexplainable irritability is another symptom of "clinical" depression. Do you pace?

Quote:
Originally Posted by unloveable
yeah... i don't know if this is related... but possum, you said something about 'light headedness'... sometimes when i get up i black out and collapse on the the nearest thing i see... things go blurry and then a few seconds later i'm okay, apart from a tingling sensation in my hands and face. what could that be?
OH YEAH ... it's related. These are other symptoms of "clinical" depression, along with poor circulation in hands and feet which is most noticable when you go to bed and touch you partner. Your hands and/or feet will be very cold.

I still have the marks (not scars) from falls such at the ones you mention.

I'm currently on anti-depressant medication which appears to be working so far. I won't mention which one because it may not work for you. Years ago I tried other anti-depressants and I got worse so I warn you in advance, "if one med doesn't work, try another".

You have the same symptoms as me. You should note eveything we have mentioned here and go look for lists of symptoms or clinical depression to find other symptoms which you didn't even realize are related, then show these to your GP.
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Old 04-05-2004, 08:37 AM   #8
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Re: depressed?

I'm not a firm believer in antidepressants. I've tried them. The side effects were awful; night sweats, night terrors, loss of libido, dizziness, fatigue. They treat the symptoms, but don't do anything for the underlying problem.

One danger of anti-depressants, is that people who are too depressed to commit suicide, are suddenly given the energy to do the job.

A combination of individual psychotherapy and group therapy is the best route. Depression is characterized by withdrawl and lack of social interest. It is inherently anti-social. One way to combat this, is to have the depressed person socialize more, do charity work, get involved with groups and clubs. Stay out of the house!

 
Old 04-06-2004, 01:31 AM   #9
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possum HB User
Re: depressed?

Quote:
Originally Posted by chiggins1066
I'm not a firm believer in antidepressants. I've tried them. The side effects were awful; night sweats, night terrors, loss of libido, dizziness, fatigue. They treat the symptoms, but don't do anything for the underlying problem.
I'll just quote from the post JUST ABOVE this one!
Quote:
Originally Posted by possum
I'm currently on anti-depressant medication which appears to be working so far. I won't mention which one because it may not work for you. Years ago I tried other anti-depressants and I got worse so I warn you in advance, "if one med doesn't work, try another".
And I'll add:

night sweats
night terrors
dizziness
fatigue

These are some of the symptoms of "clinical" depression. I had all these symptoms (and many more) BEFORE I started taking anti-depressants.

It's obvious that were taking the WRONG medication. Have you considered that maybe you were mis-diagnosed?

Not all "clinically" depressed people need medication, but quite a good percentage do.

It's becoming obvious from this board that many doctors are prescribing anti-depressants for people suffering despair, grief, etc. which are only temporary emotions due to one's life circumstances.

Quote:
Originally Posted by chiggins1066
One danger of anti-depressants, is that people who are too depressed to commit suicide, are suddenly given the energy to do the job.
This is only half of the theory I had posted here:
[URL=http://www.healthboards.com/boards/showthread.php?t=161743]AntiDepressant Side Effects in the News[/URL]
and here:
[URL=http://www.healthboards.com/boards/showthread.php?t=159183]The new FDA list of antidepressants that may cause suicidal thoughts[/URL]

Note: The key word "theory".
1.) Firstly this mainly applies to teenagers.
2.) The theory comes from suicides in the initial tests of Prozac and attempts to explain the suicides. There are no facts here.
3.) The warnings will be placed on anti-depressant medications "just in case"
4.) The danger applies in the initial two weeks for people who are already suicidal to begin with.
5.) The energy levels need to be restored before the mood is improved. This is a rare situation.

So if your not a suicidal teenager about to begin SSRI anti-depressants, then this does not apply to you.



Quote:
Originally Posted by chiggins1066
A combination of individual psychotherapy and group therapy is the best route. Depression is characterized by withdrawl and lack of social interest. It is inherently anti-social. One way to combat this, is to have the depressed person socialize more, do charity work, get involved with groups and clubs. Stay out of the house!
So what do people with jobs working with the public suffering from "clinical" depression do?

I had the same symptoms working as a barman up to 7 days a week...how do I get out more?

If you had said "social anxiety disorder" which is a possible symptom of "clinical" depression I would agree. Not everyone with "clinical" depression has "social anxiety".
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