unblessed1986

Whats up yall?Just by the name you all probably know my story already.im 18 years of age and constantly am depressed.Even if i hit the lottery i know i wouldnt even be that happy becuz i would think in my head i know ill only be happy for so long then ill be right back to square one again.I wasnt alwayz like the way i am now..there used to be stuff i could do to keep my mind off of my depression problems..for example I used to smoke weed everytime i felt depressed but now i dont even smoke no more becuz it makes me think about my depression problem even more so..Music also used to cheer me up alot but now i get even more depressed listenen to it cuz they talk about everyday crisis that they probably dont even go through anymore with all the fortune n fame they have encountered...Everyday at work when i look at people havin such a great time with there lifes it makes me sick to my stomach knowin that i used to be like that everyday but now i dont even get amused getting a smile from a hot girl..Dont get me wrong i like too get a smile or even looks from girls but it doesnt amuse me to know that there was no point of that smile to begin with cuz ill probably never see that girl ever again or if i do so what am i gonna get another smile?its like one big circle no matter what i do..i cant even watch a tv show cuz i dont even get into it no more its like im watchin tv with the sound off cuz theres alwayz 5 million things runnin through my head...i sometimes try to think of what it was like to alwayz have the good things in life runnin through my head instead of all the negativ BS that i go through everyday..Some people around me alwayz tell me there is no reason for me to be depressed becuz i am in good shape and i am pretty healthy but i just dont know what it is ...anyway ive been browsin these boards since december and now finally gained enough courage to come on here and express myself to everybody out here...i hope this helps me mentally please reply for i am goin through tough times Thanks...