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Old 04-08-2004, 02:18 PM   #1
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giggles21536 HB User
Depressed - Need help and love

Hi Everyone,


I am new to this but I am glad I found this website. I have had depression over 8 yrs. I am adopted and was put into a bad family. My mom is a control freak and has controlled me most of my life. Me and my brother was adopted into the same families and we are birth siblings. My mom controlled my weight, had me on so many diets and pills, what color my hair should be, how to act and talk, where to go, what clothes to where. She never supported me when I overdosed. she didn't care. When I was in the hospital mom told me I was an embarrassment to the family and everyone turned their backs on me. After being released I didn't want to be at home with my parents. I had to other living arrangements, no license, no friends. When I got married she made that a living horror. We both worked for my dad and they watched our little boy, we rent off of them. They took our little boy away from us and always made threats of taking him away, they went through the house when we weren't there without telling us, they went through our stuff. I couldn't take it. I took my mom to court because of the harrassment, stalking, violation of rental agreement. That was so hard to do and I wish I could so something different but anyone needs to understand my position and what I have gone through. My mom doesn't care about me. As long as she controls me she is happy. Until I knew what the law was and what power I had I had to control over my decisions and actions. It is hard to push someone out of your life. I still need that bond of her accepting me for whom I am and not what she wants me to be. She can't accept me. Anyways, i found my birth family last Feb. My birth mom lives in Virginia and my father and youngest brother live in Cresaptown. My parents never married and I have four half sibblings on my mom side and three half sibblings on my dad side. I already had a funeral in the family last year in Oct. It was my dad sister. I only got to know her 8 months and I looked up to her as a hero and as a good person. I missed her so much. It was very hard when she passed away. There is a lot of mental illness that runs in my birth family. So now I know where I get my stuff from. I was also diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder this year and I have Severe Depression. If I don't get my medical card then by the end of June I am loosing my Dr, my counselor, and the other program which I belong to. But after the last few days with my anger I ain't going to even bother going through with my medical card. I don't care anymore. I have lost so much last year and this year I can care less about my sanity. I don't need this. I am so embarrassed to have the diagnosis that I have. If people are in the building that I am in and I am getting treatments I am so embarrassed. A lot of that comes from my adoptive mom. I feel lost and don't have anyone to talk to.

joni

 
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Old 04-08-2004, 03:46 PM   #2
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bastila HB User
Re: Depressed - Need help and love

Dear Friend,

Do not be emberressed that you are seeking help. Be proud of yourself that you are willing to fight the depression and do something to make your life better. The depression and the personality disorder are defence mechanisms that are telling you that something is wrong, something hurts.
It sounds like you have had a lot of hurt in from your mum. Her love is conditional and what we need is just plain unconditional love. It is very peaceful to be accepted for who we are. That we are seen for our good and even the bad and still loved just as much. Nurture the child within yourself. Love yourself the way you needed your mum to love you. The personality disorder is just your mind telling you to find your true self. Create the person you are supose to be and that you will like. You are going to be okay.
Sincerely,
Bastila

 
Old 04-09-2004, 01:15 AM   #3
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lori j HB User
Re: Depressed - Need help and love

I have known so many people that waste their whole lives trying to get approval or at least one shred of positive attention from their moms. Don't waste your time on your adoptive mom. It's obvious from your post that she adopted you & your brother as possessions & not as human beings.

If you still have your husband & child, move away, make a new life for the three of you. A lot of your depression can be situational, even though you say your birth family has mental illness in it. You will feel better if you get away from a controlling person who has nothing good to say about you. Whether you like it or not, you will have to cut her out of your mind & life, and accept the fact that she will not change no matter what you do to get her approval. But, what you have to realize & believe is that this is HER problem, not yours. A new start somewhere else can be the magic you need to get over this. Don't dwell on the past, it's a waste of time.

How do you & your birth mother get along? Just wondering, as you didn't say.
Welcome, you have just found a new start here with a lot of new friends who DO understand!!!!

 
Old 04-09-2004, 02:17 AM   #4
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possum HB User
Re: Depressed - Need help and love

Quote:
Originally Posted by giggles21536
My mom is a control freak
Ever wonder what bullies do when they are no longer at school/college? I guess you've lived the answer!

Some parents want to live through their children. What you have experienced is far beyond this. I used to call this kind of **help** as "giving with one hand and slapping with the other".

The only advice I can give is to work toward getting out of this situation. You obviously can't pack and move this week, but you should be able to get the resources to move within the next year.

Don't let anyone know what your up to till the last moment. Bullies will do what they can to keep terrorizing their marks and will do whatever they can to keep the status quo. They are the ones with a problem, not you, why should you bother to try and change them when it'll affect your health and possibly make things worse.

I know this will probably make things even worse for you, but bullies get their energy from seeing their victims pain. The more they hurt you, the better they feel about themselves. This is a type of mental illness in itself, and I'm certain it's far worse than any mental illness that may run in your birth family.

First of all, never blame yourself.
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Old 04-09-2004, 12:52 PM   #5
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giggles21536 HB User
Re: Depressed - Need help and love

I am glad I found this web site. i am at the point that I don't care anymore. I have lost a lot of things in my marriage and in my life. I have had 3 car accidents within 2 yrs. The last one I am still trying to recuperate from. We lost a child 1 year ago. I lost my job from the last car accident and was told I can't have any more children because of my back being screwed up. It would cause a lot of complications. I fight with my husband night and day. He is a fireman. He acts like king of the world. He is King over me. If I ever left him he said he would hurt me really badly. He has scared me to death over the meaning of that statenment. Thank you for replying to me. I am ready to make a big mistake and that is not a suicidal threat either. I meant I am ready to get rid of my counselor, my Dr., Lifeskills program that i am in, mediciene. I don't care anymore because everything else has been taken from my life.

So much pain.

Joni

Thnaks for caring and responding

 
Old 04-09-2004, 05:08 PM   #6
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bastila HB User
Re: Depressed - Need help and love

Dear Friend,

What do you think you can do right now to help yourself?
Sincerely,
Bastila

 
Old 04-14-2004, 01:35 PM   #7
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giggles21536 HB User
Re: Depressed - Need help and love

Bastila,

Moving out of the house is what I want but because we don't have the money do that right now is out of the question. That is my goal. My mom told me if I ever move out of the house then they will give the house probably to my brother. They all kiss butt together. When I say that I meant my adoptive brother and my adoptive parents. I don't care if they take me out of their will. I am just so thankful they are not my real parents. I wish I could spend more time with my birth mom. My husband all ready works 2 jobs and I was in a bad car accident last year in June. The night of the car accident the following day I was supposed to start a new job. I only worked for 5 1/2 weeks before getting a medical/laid off. I hurt my neck, back, right shoulder. I am still trying to recover from that. So the Dr.'s told me not to work. But witheverything going on I don't have a choice going against dr.'s orders.

So I am pretty much screwed right now.

 
Old 04-14-2004, 03:16 PM   #8
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bastila HB User
Re: Depressed - Need help and love

Dear Giggles,

Do you like to read? Maybe while you are recoperating and searching for what and how to accomplish some of goals you might read some self help books and or interperational books. I just read a new book by Niomi Kidd that was very good. I borrow a lot of books from the library. Also there are some good movies to watch. I love to watch comidy for a pick me up. And of course i love chic flicks. Have you seen The Piano? And old movie Sergent York is a feel good movie. I feel for you. I would like to share some thoughts with you. When and if you do leave this relationship with your husband and you seek in the future a new relationship becareful not to end up the same kind of guy. May times we end up with someone just like the person we left. Something to look at too, is your present spouce like your mother? Sometimes we are attracted what we are familuar with in relationships. Are you taking anything for your depression? If you are not you might want think about taking an antidepresent. I am on Lexapro and it has helped greatly. My Dr. told me that if i can stay on it for a least a year that i am less likely to have a relapse of depression and with canceling it decreased even more the chances of a relapse.
If you want to talk, i will listen.
Sincerely,
Bastila

 
Old 04-19-2004, 01:16 PM   #9
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giggles21536 HB User
Re: Depressed - Need help and love

Hi Bastila,

I am so afraid of leaving my husband right now. I know if I do that there is help but I am trying to stick through it. If I do leave him, I am NEVER getting involved with another man. I made a promise to myself that if anything happens to my husband, or if we get a divorced that I will not get another man in my life. Like anyone really wants in my life anyways. I am on Effexor Xr and other meds. They just put me on a med to help with the panic attacks that I have been having when riding in a car. Then they got me on a med to help me sleep. I do see a resemblence towards my mom and husband in a way. They are both controlling. The worst thing my husband does is prevent me from getting medical care when i need it. My mom controls me in the other areas. I am ready to move out of that house all together. I just don't know when that will be. I like talking to you.

 
Old 04-20-2004, 02:23 PM   #10
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monicanicole HB User
Re: Depressed - Need help and love

Hello, your situation is very touching. Everyone may suffer from depression @ some time in life, as I have. I am new to this, but I have some questions if you don't mind. What medical care is your husband keeping you from getting?
Is it possible you married your husband because he's like your mother?
Sometimes we put ourselves in the same situations and environments because its what we're used to.
Please don't think I'm being insensitive, I understand what you're going through.
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Old 04-28-2004, 04:23 PM   #11
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bastila HB User
Re: Depressed - Need help and love

Dear Giggles,

Hope things are better. I've had a bad week. I was on a birthcontrol pill to deal with my menstral cycle and the pill made me feel like i was being sucked into a nowhere zone. And this week I am on my period. I have continued to go to work while being very sick. My peroids are horried. But i believe the pill was worse. My mind is so *****. And work has been difficult this week too. My superviser was not very supportive in repermanding some personal that are under my supervision . I run a tight ship and i have one of the most productive groups and we have fun doing our work. But i've had some team members goofing off and that hurts are work. Anyway i just want to touch base with you. Take care.
Bastila

 
Old 05-15-2004, 08:29 AM   #12
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giggles21536 HB User
Re: Depressed - Need help and love

Monicanicole,

I have mixed feelings about your questions. First off, when I was pregnant with our little boy I use to pass out. Well, I passed out in different places. When they wanted to call an ambulance he would pull me up and say that i was fine. When I was eight months pregnant I had thrown up for 4 days not being able to keep anything down. My mother and my husband didn't want to take me to the hospital because they knew I didn't like iv's and because they were not thing about the baby. I didn't care about the iv's at the time I was more worried about the baby. Well I finally called my Dr. and they told me to get my butt to the emergency room. Here when I got down there they did some tests and found that I had gall stones. They barely picked up a heart rate because I was so dehydrated and so was the baby. I had started to have contractions and they kept me over night. My husband has done other stuff that I am not going into details about. If I knew my husband was like my mother I would have never have gotton married to him!!!! He was a totally different person when I met him. But after almost 6 yrs. of marriage he has changed. But I am willing to work things out and we are going to try to have another baby.

 
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