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Old 04-19-2004, 12:53 PM   #1
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Join Date: Jun 2003
Location: miami, Florida
Posts: 716
wannabehotguy HB User
I am feeling down

Hi guys.

I am happy to report that I am not losing much weigth anymore and most of my stomach problems have vanished. I have no idea how and why but my problems slowly started to go away and my weight started to return. I am still very skinny and my stomach is occasionally sensitive. Like yesterday I had the runs I don't know if it was because of a burger I ate or the milk I drank.

Well I just wanted to say that I am still on my quest to be #1 hot guy. It is really hard because at my college there are a lot of really hip and fashionably dressed guys. I kinda feel invisible when I see those people. It is like I don't even exist. I feel like all my efforts are meaningless. Mostly because nobody noticed me. Since I transfered to the college I've had a hard time making friends. I really don't have any urge or feelinging to do so. I don't feel too lonely or sad maybe only sometimes I do. Although I do have urges to go to gay dance clubs and to find some guys. I am not an ugly guy but I feel ugly because of the fact that I have no friends or boyfriends or anybody who wants to hang out with me or get to know me. I have in the past so many times put myself out on a limb to meet people and be ever so friendly and smile and it just doesn't work....I hate doing it because it is not me to be so fake. It is not of my personality to always non stop be super friendly and smiley. I think now I am ok with being more of myself. I don't smile that much and I am not super outgoing like I used to be. The fact is that I was not accepted as the super smiley happy outgoing friendly dude and I was am not really acccepted as the more subtle and relaxed guy. So basically I am not accepted either way.
I am also experiencing some emotional pains like I see a lot of people I knew from the other college and even from highschool and I get all these pains inside of me. It is like saddness and frustration strike me when I glance at those people for only a second and YES I've TRY my best to not look at them as much as possible...but sometimes they are walking in my direction and by accident I look at them for like a second. And then those horrid feelings rush inside of me. I hooked up with a new therapist at the college. Maybe I will talk with him about bout it. But I realize after reading a lot of psychology books over the last 6 months that the past counselors were pathetic. They didn't do a good job mirroring me and they were frequently invalidating me and pointing all of my troubles back to blaming my parents. Yeahh whatever that is true but how does that resolve anything. What a bunch of worthless therapy!! Well I hope now I can heal and finally move on emotionally instead of being stagnant. I also feel so angry with those other therapists that were like a block of wood when it came to helping me out.
Well I look foward to reading your responses and hearing what you guys have to say.
thanks

 
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Old 04-20-2004, 01:57 PM   #2
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Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: Concord, CA
Posts: 11
JulyPrincess82 HB User
Re: I am feeling down

Hi there , I am new to these boards but I read your post and just wanted to tell ya I totally feel what your talking about when it comes to feeling like yer at odds with your peers and feelings that they are in some way "better". I go through the same thing, and due to my feelings of lonliness and seclusion in high school it stopped me from going on to college. Instead I got a job in a small insurance agency where most transactions are done over the phone. I am 21 and far too antisocial (working on this problem everyday!!).
I just wanted to give u props for going on to college even with your feelings of not fitting in.
I do wish u the best and hope things get better for you!! You seem like a real sweetheart, u dont have to be fake just be yourself, u will find "true" friends that way!!


Have a wonderful day!!!

~*Adrienne*~

 
Old 05-06-2004, 01:16 PM   #3
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Join Date: May 2004
Posts: 7
Heiewyn HB User
Re: I am feeling down

Hey guys. I can totally relate, too. I'm 18 and finished highschool early, in '02 (it was a really small school, like you wouldnt believe). I felt totally comfortable there and afterward I worked for a couple of years and moved out. I even got a four year scholarship to the local University, but I felt so inadequate. I ended up going back to a bigger highschool last fall for "upgrading" and I was a complete loner. I had one friend there, whom I've known my entire life, but I couldn't seem to make any new friends. I made it through the first half of the year, but it was mostly pure agony. Now I'm feeling all the pressure from my family and friends (not to mention myself) to go to University, but I'm so afraid of the same thing happening there.
However, I know that my main problem is not getting out there and asserting myself. Like you said, Wannabehotguy, I think the thing to do is to GO to the clubs, maybe APPROACH old acquaintances, but I agree with julyprincess in that you have to be true to yourself. BE yourself. Be content in your own universe, and others will flock towards you. In theory anyhoo....
Good luck.

 
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