I have seen several doctors, psychologists over the last few years. I have been prescribed mulitple drugs for depression, anxiety, ADD and bi-polar disease. ABSOLUTELY NOTHING HAS HELPED. In fact, I feel worse. I feel I'm at the breaking point. I am always depressed and anxious. I feel scared and gulity all the time. I feel like I'm just going to explode, because I can't take it any longer.
the normal response to what I just said is to "seek professional help." But I have, again and again and again to no avail. I do not have any family or friends who understand or would help me. Its all up to me. I am at the point that I can barely get to work and back, let alone deal with insurance, dr appts, taking multiple meds, missing work, getting blood work FOR NO NOTICABLE POSITIVE EFFECT.
I can't express in words how much pain I am feeling and how completely hopless I feel about any recovery. It took me 30 yrs to get the courage to seek out medical help for the problems I have faced my whole life. But no one I've reached out to can help me. I can't bear this alone, and yet I am completly alone. I laugh to find out that people discribe me as a successful person. On the outside I do function "normally" for the most part. But on the inside I'm alway in turmoil.
I don't know what I'm expecting from this board, but I had to express this to someone. I simply feel like I'm falling apart and no professional has even begun to help me.
I had been on an anti-d for 7 years that worked great. It quit working sometime last summer & I've been going thru the same thing since last Oct. when I saw my doc & asked for a new AD med. Nothing has worked, most of them I've had horrible reactions to & could not tolerate the side effects. So, I ordered several books to try CBT. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. I am sick of trying meds. I'm waiting for the books to arrive. Many people here have had success with CBT, so I'm hoping, I've got no where else to turn at this point.
Welcome to the board Lots of good people here and hopefully one of us will have the advice you need to get better
The answer for me was cognitive behavioral therapy (cbt). I was on meds for many years before I found cbt and it cured me and got me off meds in a remarkably short period of time. Best of all once you learn the tools in cbt you have them forever so you are able to give yourself relief almost instantly whenever you are feeling stressed, anxious or down. It's all about using the tools to learn to think more clearly and accurately about things and once you do your anxiety, panic and depression will miraculously begin to lift before your eyes. My favorite starter book on cbt is "been there, done that? Do this! By sam obitz. Like anything in life the more you put in the more you get out of cbt. In addition, many universities offer cbt programs for little or no charge.
Good luck!
Billy
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Don't expect anyone to help you, if you won't help yourself!
Thank you for your replies. I've been such a mess, I haven't been back to the board until now. I have not tried CBT, but have heard good things about it. It couldn't hurt to try. I can't remember the acronym for the type of therapy I've had, EMDR, I think it was called? It had no effect on me at all. Mostly I just talked and the therapist listened. After more than a continuous year in therapy, I didn't feel any better than when I started.
My moods do swing a lot. I tried Lithium, but that had no effect. Sometimes I want nothing more than to die, other times I think how silly that is. I've been crying so much recently, I just can't stop. Very unlike me. I went to friend's birthday party and burst into tears and had to leave. I felt like an idiot afterwards.
I look back on my life (I'm in my 30's) and I think what a waste its been. I have a graduate degree and a "good" job, so people think I must be happy. They have no idea. I hate my job and I hate every aspect of my life. I look at people who appear happy and I wonder if they really are happy and what it would feel like not to have a day full of guilt, fear and unending sadness. I feel bad because I don't have any real friends, but when people try to be my friend, I think they must want something. I can't remember what its like to call someone on the phone or go shopping with someone. I really feel isolated and alone.
Thank you for your replies. I've been such a mess, I haven't been back to the board until now. I have not tried CBT, but have heard good things about it. It couldn't hurt to try. I can't remember the acronym for the type of therapy I've had, EMDR, I think it was called? It had no effect on me at all. Mostly I just talked and the therapist listened. After more than a continuous year in therapy, I didn't feel any better than when I started.
My moods do swing a lot. I tried Lithium, but that had no effect. Sometimes I want nothing more than to die, other times I think how silly that is. I've been crying so much recently, I just can't stop. Very unlike me. I went to friend's birthday party and burst into tears and had to leave. I felt like an idiot afterwards.
I look back on my life (I'm in my 30's) and I think what a waste its been. I have a graduate degree and a "good" job, so people think I must be happy. They have no idea. I hate my job and I hate every aspect of my life. I look at people who appear happy and I wonder if they really are happy and what it would feel like not to have a day full of guilt, fear and unending sadness. I feel bad because I don't have any real friends, but when people try to be my friend, I think they must want something. I can't remember what its like to call someone on the phone or go shopping with someone. I really feel isolated and alone.
Good to hear from you Help1234-
I hope you give CBT a try and I think it would be really helpful for you to get involved in some things socially, anything really, like a church group, some kind of association, or a hobbyist group etc.
Just remember success and fun do not cure depression and anxiety or keep it away. Some of the most depressed people I have met were the most successful. Often it starts long before you ever have (or at least notice) any symptoms. Once you have the tools in CBT that teach you how to think accurately you will be able to give yourself relief whenever you want or need it.
Good luck
Billy
__________________
Don't expect anyone to help you, if you won't help yourself!
People who don't suffer from depression often don't realize you don't need a "reason" to be depressed. It's an illness, and you can have an absolutely ideal life and still have this illness. So don't let anyone make you feel like you don't have a right to be depressed. You ALWAYS have a right to your feelings, no matter what they are.
You should probably try some other kinds of therapy. I haven't tried CBT either, but lots of people swear by it. Here's a site with some information about different kinds of therapy: http://www.aboutpsychotherapy.com/
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Choose the devil you don't know.
Lots of good people here and hopefully one of us will have the advice you need to get better 
