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Old 04-22-2004, 06:20 AM   #1
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Chuck65 HB User
Unhappy Can anyone relate to this?

I'm pretty sure I'm going to be laid off soon from my job and I dread coming to work each day. I'm bored out of my mind and everything is a struggle to finish. I'm completely unmotivated (yet I'm never ever late for work or miss a day! Such a work ethic!).

I mean, why should I be motivated to work hard at a job that I know I'm going to lose? I wish they'd just put a fork in me and get it over with. Oye. Such a period in my life.

I guess right now I'm stressed by the monotony of the boredom. I recall years ago when I was hospitilized for depression that one of the many stressors each day was finding things to do to pass the time. That was tough since there was literally nothing to do! I guess that's what I'm going through now.

I'm not sleeping well despite 2 mg a night of Xanax. Maybe it's the brand of pills or something not being as powerful as I recall.

My doc wants me to start Lexapro but I took one pill and couldn't sleep that night so I haven't taken any since.

Can anyone relate? I'm not feeling very good about myself these days...and I have sooooo much to live for and I can't enjoy it right now and that depresses me even more.

 
Old 04-22-2004, 09:13 AM   #2
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Crossbow HB User
Re: Can anyone relate to this?

2 mg of Xanax is HUGE dose. Try .5 mg.

Lexapro keeps me awake if I take it at night. Try taking it in the morning.

And go work on your resume.
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Last edited by Crossbow; 04-22-2004 at 09:14 AM.

 
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Old 04-22-2004, 11:53 AM   #3
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Chuck65 HB User
Re: Can anyone relate to this?

Hey thanks, you've just made me feel even more neurotic. I know it's a HUGE dose.

Whatís bothering me? Is it the prospect of losing my job, being forced to find another job that more than likely will result in my uprooting my family? That IS stressful, no doubt. But Iíve taken it to another level. Iím absolutely freaking out about it and itís awful. Others that I work with I going through the same thing but theyíre not as ill as I am. Trust me, I know. They're handling it better than me.

I think itís symptomatic of perhaps a larger problem thatís wrong with me. I guess sub consciously I just donít like myself very much. Kid as I do about how great I am (and I truly have had long stretches of where I feel absolutely great about myself) and boast at how confident I am, deep down inside I think I may be a pathologically insecure person. But am I really? Iím so torn and confused. I think Iím secure and all but then when Iím faced with ďextremeĒ stress my whole world seems to feel like itís falling apart. And Iím talking about my professional life. My family life is very strong. But how strong? Will my wife tolerate this crap for long? My wife is great and we have two little boys who are awesome but for some damn reason Iím more focused on my career than them. And I have to be honest with you and tell you that when Iím feeling fine/great/normal work comes first. I drop everything at the drop of a hat for work. I know itís wrong but thatís what I do. And donít have a care in the world when everything is fine. People love me. Itís not a question of that. Question is, do I love me? I think I do but when stress hits I feel down and INCREDIBLY stressed.

I punish myself. Thatís what I do. I take a real stressor and explode a million times worse than it really needs to be. My job is jeopardy and I take this opportunity to have the little demon in me jump out and say, ďSee! You do suck! You ARE bad personĒ. I know this is ridiculous but this is what is going on inside my head. And this has happened before. Years ago I was hospitalized for almost three months because of my anxiety and depression. Even then I was punishing myself for something that I did (long story).

Iím depressed and anxious and anyone could understand that but to the degree that I take it is ridiculous!

Is anyone out there like me?

Help!

BTW, I do see a doc but I know Iím going to have to go back into therapy. Iím on Xanax and he wants me to use Lexapro.

Last edited by Chuck65; 04-22-2004 at 12:46 PM.

 
Old 04-22-2004, 01:11 PM   #4
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millpark26 HB User
Re: Can anyone relate to this?

Chuck65 ~
I feel like your twin! I could have written 99% of what you wrote, myself, as I also experienced the loss of a job not too long ago. First of all, losing one's job is right up there as one of the highest stressors a person can go through. And, being bored and unmotivated @ work leaves way too much time for someone with an active mind like you have to be able to dwell on all the negatives.

What I had to do was replace the internal dialogue that plays over and over in my head. I'm not saying that I don't experience the feelings of negativity but when I do, I have to make it a point to catch myself and replace those negatives with more emotionally productive thoughts. The bottom line is, all you're going through WILL pass and you are going to be just fine whether you choose to acknowledge it or not. Focus on your family and how much they love you.

The Xanax is not going to improve your depression. Whether you or your Dr decide to go the route of prescription intervention...Who knows?

But realize that you are NOT alone and others can relate to what you're going through. I sure can!

 
Old 04-22-2004, 01:32 PM   #5
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Ardwinna HB User
Re: Can anyone relate to this?

Funny I should read this today- I had to call out sick to work today- I'm really down in the dumps, and just starting new medication doesn't help either....

Lately I have not felt truly happy or have felt interested in anything- one of the most endearing qualities of depression.

I guess I'm not trying to solve your problem, but to answer your question, yes- I can relate!

 
Old 04-23-2004, 02:54 AM   #6
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Chuck65 HB User
Re: Can anyone relate to this?

Thanks everyone.

Had a real rough night last night. Hardly slept (despite the Xanax) and I have a huge stressfull day ahead too. To top that off I'm have dinner with people who are helping me with my job search. Great. I feel like I'm losing my mind and I have to act as though nothing is wrong except that I'm looking for a new job.

What is wrong with me anyway? Is it "just depression"?

 
Old 04-23-2004, 04:49 AM   #7
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millpark26 HB User
Re: Can anyone relate to this?

It could very well be nothing more than "just depression" but depression can really take it's tole. You're having dinner with people that are helping you in your job search? That's GREAT! You don't have to act as if nothing is wrong...They know the situation you're in and they know the stress you are under. Just be yourself. When I was facing situations like that, I would take a Xanax just to calm my nerves and take the edge off.

I don't know what line of business you are in, but have you even considered the idea that in the long run, this just might turn out to be one of the BEST things to ever happen to you? You just might end up with an opportunity that, in hindsight, you'll look back on and kick yourself for all the emotional turmoil you put yourself through.

Hang in there Chuck....We're here for you!
Take care,
Charlie

 
Old 04-23-2004, 09:03 AM   #8
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Chuck65 HB User
Re: Can anyone relate to this?

Thanks for the kind words. Very low today. Totally spent. And my wife is mad at me now too because she doesn't understand. She's a very supportive, understanding woman mind you but at the level of despair I'm at right now she doesn't get it.

I'm seeing my doctor tomorrow. He's going to lecture me about not taking the Lexapro he gave me last week but I have to start on something. I need to start living again in order to get myself back together. This is the worst I've felt since my big depression in '91 when I was hospitilized.

 
Old 04-23-2004, 09:21 AM   #9
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dagmarharris HB User
Re: Can anyone relate to this?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Chuck65
Thanks for the kind words. Very low today. Totally spent

I'm seeing my doctor tomorrow. He's going to lecture me about not taking the Lexapro he gave me last week but I have to start on something. I need to start living again in order to get myself back together. This is the worst I've felt since my big depression in '91 when I was hospitilized.
My suggestion is to try Celexa, instead. It is the cousin of Lexapro. It is less strong and not quite the hype feeling of Lexapro....I have anxiety, so I like that.
Celexa is helping me to take less xanax of all things!!
I am able to cut back, though I do take less xanax, then you. I take it three times a day. .25mg and am slowly cutting back on this to half of .25mg on one dose. Does this make sense?
I told my doctor and he said that Celexa may rise the blood levels of the xanax, and is why I can cut back.
About the Lexapro, and trouble sleeping, you probably took too much for your first dose. I am very sensitive to meds. and I started slow on Celexa with a liquid form.
Also the interupted sleep is part of the side effects...so let it get into your system first. The sleep will come once you are use to it....
Do you exercise at all for stress? That helps me alot and my mood.
Also try omega three fish oil capsules for mood, it helps while you are waiting to get on meds....
~dagmar
post to us as we can atleast listen and respond. Hang in there. I know you will start to feel better once the meds. work for you!

 
Old 04-24-2004, 12:15 AM   #10
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dagmarharris HB User
Re: Can anyone relate to this?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Ardwinna
Funny I should read this today- I had to call out sick to work today- I'm really down in the dumps, and just starting new medication doesn't help either....

Lately I have not felt truly happy or have felt interested in anything- one of the most endearing qualities of depression.

I guess I'm not trying to solve your problem, but to answer your question, yes- I can relate!
Hi Ardwinna, (what a neat name by the way!)
I have had a low grade cough/cold, and after reading your post decided to call in sick.
I slept from 9:30 am to 2:00am!! I guess I needed the rest. I am glad I read your post and had the courage to realize I needed a day off to just rest.
Anyway I am glad I am on this board and realized that people do call in sick!!
Or "just off" sometimes....I tend to just push along.
Thanks for posting,
dagmar

Last edited by dagmarharris; 04-24-2004 at 12:17 AM.

 
Old 04-24-2004, 06:53 AM   #11
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Chuck65 HB User
Re: Can anyone relate to this?

Morning all

Well, it's Saturday which means I'm off from work today. Thinking of taking off Monday as a "mental health" day. Should be nice. I can work from home. I feel much better. I'm really getting sick and tired of being sick and tired about work. Ridiculous!

I saw friends last night and that was fun. I was stressed about meeting with them but I took .5 xanax and wow did that work great. Damn near felt like it saved my life. Amazing stuff. I usually don't like to take it during the day but I was suffering so bad yesterday afternoon that I had to do something and I did. Wow.

Last edited by Chuck65; 04-24-2004 at 06:54 AM.

 
Old 04-24-2004, 12:38 PM   #12
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peeweezr HB User
Smile Re: Can anyone relate to this?

Hey Chuck,

I read your initial post and like others, I thought you and I could be twins also! I went through a serious depression/anxiety in '92 and am going through it again now. I have heard this over and over, to hang in there, things will get better....the whole nine yards. I have an extremely "active" mind, and anxious/negative thoughts seem to be nonstop lately. I have found that talking about what is going on in my mind helps greatly. It certainly is not a quick fix, I realize from the last time, that it takes time and that I have to slow myself down, and take it day by day, or even hour by hour, if needed. Back in '92 my then girlfriend and now wife didn't know what to do. It scared her, but she realized it was a growing experience and backed me as I worked, very slowly, through my depression/anxiety. Now, she understands this time, that we have to work together, and we will get through this, even at a snail's pace. I just wanted to let you know that you are definitely not alone in your struggles, there are many, many of us out there who are in the same boat. I like to see these episodes as growing experiences, to take an accurate inventory of one's life and make positive changes that will give you a more solid foundation for later on. I honestly mean it when I say good luck, keep on posting if you need to, there are many people here who have valuable advice and encouragement.

peeweezr

 
Old 04-25-2004, 11:14 AM   #13
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billy7772 HB User
Re: Can anyone relate to this?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Chuck65
I'm pretty sure I'm going to be laid off soon from my job and I dread coming to work each day. I'm bored out of my mind and everything is a struggle to finish. I'm completely unmotivated (yet I'm never ever late for work or miss a day! Such a work ethic!).
Can anyone relate? I'm not feeling very good about myself these days...and I have sooooo much to live for and I can't enjoy it right now and that depresses me even more.
Hi Chuck-
I know how you feel as the company I work for has already had a few rounds of lay-offs and more are rumored. I have survived so far but it is really tough on me mentally. It definitely cuts into your self-esteem. CBT and using the TEA for has helped but the thought of being jobless still scares the heck out of me.

Billy

P.S. I was sure I was gone in the last rtound we had so maybe you are more secure than you feel too. I hope this is the case
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Old 04-25-2004, 01:41 PM   #14
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no patience HB User
Re: Can anyone relate to this?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Chuck65
I'm pretty sure I'm going to be laid off soon from my job and I dread coming to work each day. I'm bored out of my mind and everything is a struggle to finish. I'm completely unmotivated (yet I'm never ever late for work or miss a day! Such a work ethic!).

I mean, why should I be motivated to work hard at a job that I know I'm going to lose? I wish they'd just put a fork in me and get it over with. Oye. Such a period in my life.

I guess right now I'm stressed by the monotony of the boredom. I recall years ago when I was hospitilized for depression that one of the many stressors each day was finding things to do to pass the time. That was tough since there was literally nothing to do! I guess that's what I'm going through now.

I'm not sleeping well despite 2 mg a night of Xanax. Maybe it's the brand of pills or something not being as powerful as I recall.

My doc wants me to start Lexapro but I took one pill and couldn't sleep that night so I haven't taken any since.

Can anyone relate? I'm not feeling very good about myself these days...and I have sooooo much to live for and I can't enjoy it right now and that depresses me even more.
definitly take the lexapro in the morning dont just stop taking it see if will help i know it doesnt work over night and it doesnt help solve all your problems but it will definitly ease your depression and anxiety i'm sorry about you're job i've been in that situation and know what you're going through wish i could help you more my thoughts are with you hugs kelleigh

Last edited by no patience; 04-25-2004 at 01:43 PM.

 
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