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Old 04-26-2004, 11:26 PM   #1
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Who is starting CBT therapy with the book?

Starting this thread for all those who are starting CBT with either Burns or Obitz book or similar book. Thought we may be able to help each other & support each other while going thru it.

So far, I got my book "Feeling Good Handbook" last Saturday & have just barely started reading.

 
Old 04-27-2004, 07:47 AM   #2
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Re: Who is starting CBT therapy with the book?

I've been reading "The Shyness and Social Anxiety Workbook" and "Painfully Shy". The books (plus medication) have helped a TON. Way better than talking to my therapist. I think what has been the most helpful is realizing that my anxious thoughts are usually overly negative and the consequences of being anxious or doing something stupid aren't that bad. I still have a ways to go, but already I definitely feel more confident around people.

 
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Old 04-27-2004, 09:15 PM   #3
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Re: Who is starting CBT therapy with the book?

Quote:
Originally Posted by jayt243
I've been reading "The Shyness and Social Anxiety Workbook" and "Painfully Shy". The books (plus medication) have helped a TON. Way better than talking to my therapist. I think what has been the most helpful is realizing that my anxious thoughts are usually overly negative and the consequences of being anxious or doing something stupid aren't that bad. I still have a ways to go, but already I definitely feel more confident around people.
I'm glad to hear you are having success with a book. I thought I'd only do well if I did it thru a therapist. Have you done CBT? Thanks for joining this thread, please stick around, we all need all the help we can get.

 
Old 04-27-2004, 09:17 PM   #4
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Re: Who is starting CBT therapy with the book?

OK, I'm already having problems with the Feel Good" book. It comes to the part where it tells you to write down your negative thoughts. Well, some of mine are not solvable (is that a word???). I mean a lot of my negative thoughts I have NO control over, so what the heck do I put for a more positive thought???? I'm lost already & finding this harder than I thought. HELP!!

 
Old 04-28-2004, 01:47 AM   #5
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Re: Who is starting CBT therapy with the book?

Hi lori,

Some things not solvable and not in your control are just that -- not in your control. You can recognise that you don't have to fix it and will try to see it from a different perspective and make your response to that different.

Can you walk away?
Can you learn more about that situation?


Can you give me an example of one thing that's not solvable to you?

I have just been dealing with one lately and just resolved it by walking away and choosing to look the other way -- and I realised the anxiety I was feeling was because the help I offered was declined in a series of events and I felt rejected. I took it personally and realised that I do understand the other perspective, I just couldn't understand why someone would want to suffer and cause a more difficult situation for the sake of doing everything oneself. It's about my 90 year old neighbours and their children live out of town. I've offered to do some stuff to make it easier for the husband, but if he wants to fall and make life more "dangerous", I've chosen to close the blinds when he's outside.
Very interesting situation, but they 're not my parents and I was willing to devote some time to do for them. But, he has asked me for some things, so I have to respect the fact of how he views being 90 and not capable how he was years ago. He still does everything and even drives!!

Anyway, you're looking for the BEST answer. Just write something simple, not too complicated.

If you give me an example, I or others can make suggestions to help you.

Take only one bite at a time! You're thinking through your anxiety, and as you work with it, things will become more clear.

quincy
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It's all a matter of perspective!

 
Old 04-28-2004, 01:55 AM   #6
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Re: Who is starting CBT therapy with the book?

Quincy, thanks for replying, I know I'm going to be a drag where this book is concerned. Ok, you asked for it. I am an only child, always envied big families & wanted a big family. It is more than a whim, it has plagued me my whole life, I was always jealous of my friends who had brothers & sisters. Well it took me almost to my 50's to get one. I now have 6 grandchildren & two wonderful sons & d-in-laws. Now I dwell on how long I have to enjoy them!!!! They are the joy of my life, the sunshine in my life. I want to be here for a very long time to enjoy them, but I dwell on how unfair it is that it took so long to get my big family!!! Does that sound crazy????


The other thing I dwell on negatively is the weather. I mean, I have SAD, and I hate winter, there is no way we can move south, so I get so frustrated with the weather in the spring in the midwest. We have teaser days of nice 70's then it goes down to the 40's and I'm miserable again. Once again, a situation I can do nothing about.

Gee, after all this, you'll be charging me a fee!!! LOL
Thanks for your offer of help!!

 
Old 04-28-2004, 01:58 AM   #7
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Re: Who is starting CBT therapy with the book?

Wait til Billy reads this, he will say "you are plain nuts"!!!! LOL

 
Old 04-28-2004, 02:03 AM   #8
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Re: Who is starting CBT therapy with the book?

Quote:
Originally Posted by quincy
Hi lori,

Some things not solvable and not in your control are just that -- not in your control. You can recognise that you don't have to fix it and will try to see it from a different perspective and make your response to that different.

Can you walk away?
Can you learn more about that situation?


Can you give me an example of one thing that's not solvable to you?

I have just been dealing with one lately and just resolved it by walking away and choosing to look the other way -- and I realised the anxiety I was feeling was because the help I offered was declined in a series of events and I felt rejected. I took it personally and realised that I do understand the other perspective, I just couldn't understand why someone would want to suffer and cause a more difficult situation for the sake of doing everything oneself. It's about my 90 year old neighbours and their children live out of town. I've offered to do some stuff to make it easier for the husband, but if he wants to fall and make life more "dangerous", I've chosen to close the blinds when he's outside.
Very interesting situation, but they 're not my parents and I was willing to devote some time to do for them. But, he has asked me for some things, so I have to respect the fact of how he views being 90 and not capable how he was years ago. He still does everything and even drives!!

Anyway, you're looking for the BEST answer. Just write something simple, not too complicated.

If you give me an example, I or others can make suggestions to help you.

Take only one bite at a time! You're thinking through your anxiety, and as you work with it, things will become more clear.

quincy
From reading your post, you say you chose to just walk away. Is it ok according to CBT to just walk away or just push things out of your mind without finding a positive answer? I am good at pushing things out of my mind & not dwelling on them, but I thought the whole idea of CBT was to find positive responses to change my way of thinking? I'm stuck already right in the beginning of the darn book!!

 
Old 04-28-2004, 02:19 AM   #9
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Re: Who is starting CBT therapy with the book?

you're not stuck, you're just not understanding it all.

Yes, I CHOSE to walk away and NOT to WORRY about a situation that someone has decided for himself. I can't save his wife from him, he believes he can care for her, change her diapers, etc.

I called the daughter and said I can't deal with your father, he doesn't want me to do the laundry, and the last time I was there I said to myself, "I don't need this s***!" I was there yesterday to do her hair and didn't take the poopy cloths downstairs, didn't offer to clean anything, didn't offer to clean the urine off the toilet...etc. I just did her hair, gave her some candies and left. Oh, he mentioned that she has an appointment in June, and "IF you like, you can take her!", I said I would, we'll talk about the plans later.

So, he's still talking to me after two weeks of me not going over there. I 'm relieved, and I feel tons better today. I think I was fearing the response of me not coming...but nothing. You know, his wife fell and was on the floor for 2 hours while he tried to get her up. That old fart has so much pride, he wouldn't even call us to help. So, I can't solve that problem, he's created it, but if he asks, I'll be over at any time I'm able. So, that's the best I can do.

CBT is all about conscious choices. Even doing nothing about something or putting it on hold consciously instead out of anxiety is still a choice and a response to a situation.

for you.....you can't gain anymore time than you have. I would respond to enjoy the times I have with my family and be genuinely interested in just being with them rather than spoiling it with regret.
Do you feel you don't deserve to enjoy them? But, try not to live vicariously...I do hope you've set up other things in your life that can allow you to enjoy live in general.

Now, the weather.....I'm loving the cooler days! and dreading the hot ones that will be coming.

I hate change, but I'm wanting to embrace it. The reason I hate the weather is that clothes are difficult for me to fit and it takes a lot of effort to search. So, I should take advantage of the weather that's cooler so that I can get out and get the shopping and trying of clothes on so that I'll have them for the warmer weather. But, I procrastinate....and that 's why spring is the pits for me.

Does the book use the terms positive and negative?

q
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It's all a matter of perspective!

 
Old 04-28-2004, 02:21 AM   #10
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Re: Who is starting CBT therapy with the book?

Billy will truly understand....remember he's been there and done that!! hahahahahaaaaa!!


q
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Old 04-28-2004, 02:30 AM   #11
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Re: Who is starting CBT therapy with the book?

Quote:
Originally Posted by quincy
you're not stuck, you're just not understanding it all.

Yes, I CHOSE to walk away and NOT to WORRY about a situation that someone has decided for himself. I can't save his wife from him, he believes he can care for her, change her diapers, etc.

I called the daughter and said I can't deal with your father, he doesn't want me to do the laundry, and the last time I was there I said to myself, "I don't need this s***!" I was there yesterday to do her hair and didn't take the poopy cloths downstairs, didn't offer to clean anything, didn't offer to clean the urine off the toilet...etc. I just did her hair, gave her some candies and left. Oh, he mentioned that she has an appointment in June, and "IF you like, you can take her!", I said I would, we'll talk about the plans later.

So, he's still talking to me after two weeks of me not going over there. I 'm relieved, and I feel tons better today. I think I was fearing the response of me not coming...but nothing. You know, his wife fell and was on the floor for 2 hours while he tried to get her up. That old fart has so much pride, he wouldn't even call us to help. So, I can't solve that problem, he's created it, but if he asks, I'll be over at any time I'm able. So, that's the best I can do.

CBT is all about conscious choices. Even doing nothing about something or putting it on hold consciously instead out of anxiety is still a choice and a response to a situation.

for you.....you can't gain anymore time than you have. I would respond to enjoy the times I have with my family and be genuinely interested in just being with them rather than spoiling it with regret.
Do you feel you don't deserve to enjoy them? But, try not to live vicariously...I do hope you've set up other things in your life that can allow you to enjoy live in general.

Now, the weather.....I'm loving the cooler days! and dreading the hot ones that will be coming.

I hate change, but I'm wanting to embrace it. The reason I hate the weather is that clothes are difficult for me to fit and it takes a lot of effort to search. So, I should take advantage of the weather that's cooler so that I can get out and get the shopping and trying of clothes on so that I'll have them for the warmer weather. But, I procrastinate....and that 's why spring is the pits for me.

Does the book use the terms positive and negative?

q
Oh no not at all, I feel I do deserve to enjoy them very much. I do try to do what you said, to enjoy being with them as much as possible. The oldest spends every weekend with us, I babysat him since he was 3 weeks old, everyday til he started 1st grade. So, he feels like my own child. I have a great, fabulous relationship with my sons & d-in-laws & they are more than happy for us to have the kids anytime. I also have a very supportive, optimistic husband which is probably a big part of my recovery to this point.
The book says to replace the negative thoughts (on paper)with positive ones. A lot of what I've read so far does not seem to even come close to my negative thoughts, it's mostly been about marriage problems, boyfriend/girlfriend breaking up, I don't see it relating to me yet!!! UGH.

I do try to think positive, I have friends that are my age & have NO grandchildren & one who will never have any, so I do count my blessings & I guess need to more of that.
thanks for your reply, I've got to get to bed or I'll be late getting up & miss my appointment tomorrow with my pdoc. It's an hour drive each way.
I am going to consult him about some of my thoughts on the book. I'll let you know what he says. thanks again.

 
Old 04-28-2004, 08:38 AM   #12
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Re: Who is starting CBT therapy with the book?

Quote:
Originally Posted by lori j
I'm glad to hear you are having success with a book. I thought I'd only do well if I did it thru a therapist. Have you done CBT? Thanks for joining this thread, please stick around, we all need all the help we can get.
I didn't do any CBT with my therapist... it was just free counseling I get through my school. It helped at first when I was depressed, but once my medication started working, I realized it wasn't that helpful going to counseling. I think it's different for different people though. Some people like having someone else to work things out with. For me, I'd rather work things out on my own so the book is good for that.

 
Old 04-28-2004, 01:43 PM   #13
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Re: Who is starting CBT therapy with the book?

Quote:
Originally Posted by lori j
Wait til Billy reads this, he will say "you are plain nuts"!!!! LOL
Lori-
Do I really come across that harsh, judgemental and uncaring in my posts? I sure I hope I don't, because I do not mean to
I think you are just like me and everyone else here struggling to feel better and find what works best for them. I think you are on the right track now and hope with quincy and my help as well as others you will get a lot of relief

Billy
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Old 04-28-2004, 02:25 PM   #14
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Re: Who is starting CBT therapy with the book?

Quote:
Originally Posted by lori j
Quincy, thanks for replying, I know I'm going to be a drag where this book is concerned. Ok, you asked for it. I am an only child, always envied big families & wanted a big family. It is more than a whim, it has plagued me my whole life, I was always jealous of my friends who had brothers & sisters. Well it took me almost to my 50's to get one. I now have 6 grandchildren & two wonderful sons & d-in-laws. Now I dwell on how long I have to enjoy them!!!! They are the joy of my life, the sunshine in my life. I want to be here for a very long time to enjoy them, but I dwell on how unfair it is that it took so long to get my big family!!! Does that sound crazy????


The other thing I dwell on negatively is the weather. I mean, I have SAD, and I hate winter, there is no way we can move south, so I get so frustrated with the weather in the spring in the midwest. We have teaser days of nice 70's then it goes down to the 40's and I'm miserable again. Once again, a situation I can do nothing about.

Gee, after all this, you'll be charging me a fee!!! LOL
Thanks for your offer of help!!
Lori-
Aaargh! I just lost a long reply to this note that I had typed a minute ago when I went to submit it I will do my best to summarize it now....

None of this sounds crazy as many of us have similar battles! The top of the back cover of the Obitz book says in big letters "You can change your future, but not your past!" I take this to mean that dwelling on the past is a waste of time (unless you have a time machine) and it takes away time from enjoying the here and now, compounding your problems.

CBT will eventually help you learn to live in the present As for the weather, I suspect it's the way you think about and dread the weather that is causing more of your upset than the weather itself. Exercising makes me feel better but when I'm on the road often my only option is to go on a run and I don't like running. One day I caught several of my thoughts as I was "forcing" myself to get out the door to run. I noticed my thoughts were full of dread and guilt; "I hate the first part of the run, it's gonna take too long, I should do it etc." Once I identified the thinking rerrors I was making (ignoring the positive, counter productive motivation, jumping to conclusions, extreme thinking) I was able to counter theose thoughts and now instead of dreading it when I have to run I am looking forward to my runs when I am out of town and focussing on how good it will make me feel and how I will get to see new things on them

Billy
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Old 04-28-2004, 02:33 PM   #15
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Re: Who is starting CBT therapy with the book?

Quote:
Originally Posted by lori j
A lot of what I've read so far does not seem to even come close to my negative thoughts, it's mostly been about marriage problems, boyfriend/girlfriend breaking up, I don't see it relating to me yet!!! UGH.
Lori-
This is why I always try to steer people to the obitz book first and then move them on to the Burns books. It's a simple book and tackles the tools from a sufferers point of view which helps ease you into using them. The diagram of the TEA-form in the book features examples of his thoughts of not being able to do CBT and then counters them. This was very helpful to me in getting started.

I do agree about the importance of replacing the negative thoughts (on paper) but with "objective" rather than "positive" ones, and there is a big difference. I recently read an excellent post from quincy about this which she can direct you to

Keep plugging and you'll get CBT and it will work for you

Billy
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