asking g/f about depression? - Depression Message Board

nolimit9 · 05-18-2004, 10:30 PM

hey everyone. i have been with my girl for 7 months and absolutely love her. i always noticed she was taking these pills called effexor and never new what they were nor did i care. then i finally looked it up online and saw it was for depression. i was shocked and had no idea she needed something like that. i read on here how addicting it seems to be and i do know if she doesnt take it she just like gets really really tired. a few times when she was like that i asked her what was wrong and she says she forgot to take her pills, and i just ask what she had to take. she always just says pills she has to take. and i really dont think she wants me to know she takes effexor, and this bothers me a little, should it? i think about asking her about it, but i dont know if i could, or should. would it be wrong or rude of me to confront her about this? i dont know what to do, maybe i should just forget about it?

cloudnine · 05-18-2004, 11:53 PM

firstly, effexor can be taken for different reasons other than depression, so it could be that she's not depressed, just somethign else. secondly, i knowwhen i first met the bf i'm with now--i was sooo terrified of telling him anythign becuase i thought he would get scared away. it wasn't that i didn't love him or care about him, i just didn't want to lose him. after awhile, i eventually opened up, and i'm sure she will too. just make sure you're there for her, no matter what. there's nothign worse than a guy whom you thought loved you breaks up with u because of a mental disorder....anyways, i wish her the best of luck--and you, and i hope she tells you, if nothing else, you could kind of coax her into it, do you know anyone with depression (assuming that is what she is on it for) if you do, you could just say, yea, so and so was diagnosed with depression, yadda yadda, and just say i really want to be there for "whoever" adn stuff like that, just so she knows that you are familiar with everything and won't "run away" hope that helps
peace

cloudnine

lori j · 05-19-2004, 12:55 AM

Ok, let's start out with your statement about "confronting" her. That is the wrong approach entirely. Even if she does have depression it does not mean she is a freak! It is a disease like any other, would you confront her if she had diabetes or any other disease that she had to take meds for.
See, there has always been a stigma about depression, although I think it's getting better, the understanding of it is not anywhere near acceptance by the outside world.
Do some reading on the net about depression. Be as informed as you can be before you ever talk to her about it. I am a sufferer of depression for most of my life, I have a husband, 2 very successful married sons & 6 beautiful grandchildren. Most people do NOT even know I have depression. I DO tell people, I am one of many of us trying to inform the general public about depression, that we are not NUT cases locked up in padded rooms.
I truly encourage you to look up & read about depression. You will not ever understand our feelings, there is no way you can unless you have it yourself, but you need to be informed if you truly love this girl the way you say you do.
Now, my husband has been stressed lately at work & since he's usually very happy go lucky, always whistling & happy, he decided to check with the family doctor as he says he's been biting everyones head off at work. Our family doc gave him effexor!!!!!
I was surprised, I thought he'd give him some nerve pills to take as needed. So, he is not depressed, just stressed right now. Like cloudnine says, effexor can be given for many reasons. Do not let the addiction things you read here upset you either. Each person reacts differently to anti-depressant meds.
Many people think that AD meds make us "high" or are happy pills. They could not be more wrong. What they do is level us out to feel back to normal.
It sounds like this has been a shock to you & to talk to her now about it may ruin your relatioship & upset her terribly.
Like I said, inform yourself & you really do not need to ask her about it, once you realize that it's not that BIG a deal.
I know I sound harsh, but you have no idea how many times we here have heard the shock of others when they hear we are on anti-depressants, it gets old & I just want you to understand that it is no big deal.
peace & good luck.

Just wanted to add that I think you did the right thing posting here & asking about it, rather than just questioning her without any knowledge of it all.