How do I stop wanting someone? - Depression Message Board

woody888 · 09-18-2004, 01:57 PM

Hi,
I am new here, my first posting and sorry if this is in the wrong forum, but its about depression. I know why I am depressed but I don't know what to do about it.
My problem is that I am so in love with someone I can't have, and I don't love the person I am with.
There is no possibility of leaving and being with the other person... it's a long story and no need to relate it. Suffice to say that it is impossible.
I should have a good life, should be happy, but this lusting for the other person is dragging me down.
I think if I could only stop wanting this other person - get them out of my mind, I could get on with my life.
It seems that I am never happy with what I have. The more unobtainable something is, the more I want it and the more I get depressed.
If only I could be glad of what I have.
Any ideas how to get this craving out of my mind? I don't want medication and I don't want to go to a shrink - although I have to admit that it is looking as though I might have to - I know I am not right in the head but I want to put it right myself (or with some goos advice) if I can.

quincy · 09-18-2004, 02:41 PM

It seems that person fits your "imagined" needs.
What about the partner you have now? Have you and that person made any efforts to come together and make your situation work?

The grass is always greener on the other side of the fence. We Love many people and many people fit our needs, but commitment isn't something that should be taken lightly and you need to clean up what's in your baggage before assuming that another situation/person will be the only solution to your problems.

You're fantasising.....get the reality check and deal with it through mature eyes.

We can't have everything we want....and besides, your perception of the other person and you together has you as the main denominator. That situation might not work either....or it might until your fantasies have been shattered and you seek another to rescue you from that one as well.

You made your bed....(your responsibility to make it work for you both). If after all efforts have failed, then agree to call it quits.

Probably what you didn't want to hear, or I might have totally misunderstood your posting. If so, please clarify it for me. Thanks.

quincy

woody888 · 09-19-2004, 05:01 AM

Thanks for your reply, Quincy, your comments are welcomed and appreciated.
I have spent time with the other person and know that they fit my needs more than my partner. I only found that out after I got married. My partner knows all about it but has come to depend on me and will not leave me... I am all they have. In any case the other person does not feel about me the same way as I feel about them.
It's more complex than just wanting someone else... I am a bit shy of going into it in the public forum, but its a matter of lifestyle and sexuality...I only found out what I really want when it was too late.
I am trapped now in a life that is wrong for me by the commitment I made before I knew about myself. I know it's stupid and I kick myself every day.
I think that if I can get the other person out of my mind then maybe I can try to live this life I have made for myself. But I can't stop them coming into my head about 20 times a day. Is there a trick to do to erase the thought when it comes in? I have tried meditation but can't empty the swirling, rushing mess in my head.
I want to be free of it, I can't be happy, can't concentrate on anything, feel as if I in a continual cycle of wanting and not getting.
It's more complex than it first seems, if I spell it out it might be easier to understand, but I am shy to do it here, people will say I am a real prat...which, of course, I am!
Cheers,
G

Donna 2854 · 09-19-2004, 05:33 AM

I just stopped by to post before I left the forum ... mostly to let you know I read it and wanted to wish you best of luck in your lousy situation.

I can't offer advice on it but wanted to let you know I care that you are in pain over it and that I hope you can someday get inner peace. I hope you will be able to get yourself out of the rut.

I guess its a matter of living with and accepting things we cannot change . Its hard . Good luck, Woody.

solcita · 09-19-2004, 09:59 AM

May I ask you your age?

I agree with quincy... even when you meet someone in a friend basis, and you think you might be compatible, that doesn't really mean everything will be perfect in a couple situation.
Plus, he doesn't feel the same way about you... so I don't understand how you can keep thinking about him. I thought he felt the same way and as you were married, that was an imposible.
How is your relationship with this man? Are you friends? Do you see him in a regular basis? Because if you do you should start thinking in stop seeing him... that way you'd be able to take him out of your mind. At least for a while...
I used to have feelings for one of my best friends, and he couldn't give me what i needed (a serious relationship, he was in a party time) so I left him go. I had to stop seeing him for a while, because he was so sweet with me that i couldn't get him out of my mind. he cared about me a lot and he helped me through that time.
I understand it can be hard... but it's not impossible. If you got married, then you saw something in your husband. Try to find that again... why did you get married? Were you in love? then fall in love agian...

Sorry I have to go right now, but I'll come later to check up on you...

Cya around

SOL