new med thread

[Donna 2854]

I've been posting on Pamela12's posts about meds . There are two threads and I am trying to get the discussion down to one thread cuz I am getting mixed up and am afraid I'll miss something. Plus , they're getting L O N G

These discussions revolve around "life without meds" and "back ON meds" to make it short.

I am in the process of withdrawing from Celexa and am going to attempt to live my life without meds. I felt that it was the MED preventing me from getting better . Been on a variety of A.D.'s since the latter 80's and it just seems I'm making the drug companies richer whilst not really getting any better.
On the other two threads , there are those who MUST live on meds - they are called "lifers" . So , lets bounce back and forth between these two situations...
I am almost Celexa -free . It has taken me over a week to gradually wean myself off of 20mgs . I have had anxiety and headaches during this process but thats about it . Perhaps it is determination that I am GONNA be NORMAL , dangit , and that I WILL beat this illness I hate so much.

Of course , I may find down the road ,like some others have, that I will need to return to meds and become a "lifer" myself. I agree with GUSTAV that it is a self esteem problem . And that people who do not have depression tend to "look down" on those of us that do. The "get over it" type of attitude irritates the daylights out of me. I was even given a sweatshirt once that had "GET OVER IT" on it. Needless to say, that shirt was given away.

I guess it remains to be seen whether or not I can live my life without meds. I desperately want to have confidence . I want to be accepted etc.
And if no one posts to this, I will feel rejected. Isn't that pitiful? Not really but thought I'd throw that in. I DO think this way sometimes.

Bottom line for me right this minute. Since I have been Celexa free ( almost), for about oh, a week plus a couple of days, I feel like I have SOME confidence to deal with this illness. I have been out and about rather than sleeping all the time ( meds made me very very tired all the time) and I feel a little more in control of my mind. Does this make sense ?
Its like , I WILL deal with this depression on my own because I have tried meds for 15 years and I am getting nowhere with them. So , its just gotta be me, right? I am sorta fuzzy headed about the thoughts. sigh...

[Donna 2854]

GUSTAV, Pamela12 , Concerned39 et al who have posted on Pamela's threads, can ya'll post here now so we won't bounce between Pamela's two threads? I just got real confused trying to read one and then the other. Thanks....I want to keep the discussion re: meds or no meds going and tried to get it started with this new thread. Thanks again
LAS - please please lets talk about this some more. I want to continue meds vs med free on this thread...

I felt that since I have had no relief in 15 years that it must be the meds preventing me from feeling better. With some of the meds, I would give in and sleep more ( Lexapro) as well as just allowing myself to be a "victim" of this illness without trying to help myself. I also gained some weight on Lexapro. If I let that continue, the weight gain would add to the depression.
So, I returned to the Celexa and didn't really feel much better.

Whether or not I'll succeed being med -free has yet to be determined. I do know that I am sick and tired of being on medication after so many years of it. With little results. I feel I need to shake myself and say hey, you CAN do this. That if I do succeed , it will give me more motivation /confidence to do more for myself. And that if I have to return to meds, well, at least I tried to help myself live without them.
I don't know, I don't consider myself weak having to depend on meds but I found myself sorta "giving in " and just living this way without feeling better.


ps ... I got one reply to the original post so now, I don't feel rejected ! yipeeee

[LoveMyWay71]

i can totally relate.. no we are not weak at all.., in fact i think anyone who deals with depression is very strong. it is extremely hard to get up and go to work and function sometimes, but i have to do what i have to do. i have been on meds for 6 yrs. i am slowly taking myself off of prozac, and for 3 nights i haven't taken my trazadone. (probably not the smartest thing, but i want to try for another night and see what happens) i wish you all the best, i like you want to live life medication free.. i will feel so much better and also like you, my depression stems from low self-esteem, yes it is definately genetic as well.
hang in there... i plan on doing the same...

[kimba28]

Donna,
Something in your post really caught my eye. The part about feeling like your medicine has been keeping you from getting better. To make a long story short, I had several serious crises pop up all at once. I have been off and on meds for depression since I was 18. My depressive cycles on medicine usually only last long enough for me to conjure up new strategies to handle what I am going through. No problem. But this time has been much different. I was prescribed lexapro, and ended up on that ( with Trazadone and Wellbutrin added in for good measure) for two years! The wellbutrin was added in last, and I noticed a difference once I started that. Enough to start figuring out that the lexapro wasn't so great. I started weaning off all the meds (another LONG, AWFUL story in itself). I am in the process of weaning off the last one (Wellbutrin). Looking back over things, and seeing how I am feeling (normally) again, it is more apparent to me than ever that the lexapro was doing some strange things to me. I'd like to hear more about your experience. I've been posting with Pamela too. (hope we are talking about the same one).

LOVEMYWAY,
Medically, there is nothing wrong with coming off your Prozac and Trazadone at the same time (according to my doctor). But speaking from experience, be careful. My doctor weaned me off Trazadone and Lexapro at the same time. Getting off the lexapro has been fairly nasty, so it may not have anything to do with coming off the Trazadone. Also, the weaning process for Prozac is different. I guess I am just trying to say that if it gets too difficult, you may want to come off them one at a time. I ended up going back on just the lexapro (not the Trazadone) and weaning off from that after the Trazadone.

[Concerned39]

Hi Donna.I too was getting mixed up between keeping the two threads together and who had posted where.Good idea to bring it all together under one again.I totally feel for you as I too have lately been feeling that I want to try med free and see if I can do it myself as I am so sick of the tiredness and side effects.I know I will be battling depression for life but there are times when I too feel that I have just given in and let the label take over.We are strong for having battled this as long as we have and if we can use that same strength to go it alone then maybe it is something that should be given a chance.I did try that off and on a few times and ended up crashing badly.But that does not mean that you will find the same thing and all the power to you.It is a brave thing to see if you can battle it without meds but I do have one word of caution to you.If you find yourself rapidly going downhill please consult your doctor.Sometimes it happens that you become worse than you ever were after quitting meds.I am not saying this will happen and I pray it doesn't but please keep really good track of how your emotions go.I really do wish you well and hope that you succeed.Keep me posted and please let us know how you are doing.I totally support your effort and back you all the way, and I will be here to listen whenever you need someone to sound off to or report good things.Keep in touch Donna and all the best to you.Concerned39