i can totally relate to this.
i wake up and wish i was dead.
im so miserable, and i feel so out of place at sixth form, i just sit there crying while im getting ready.
i really cant take it anymore, i dont even think i could be classed as sane.
I have so many regrets, and the regret is doing something i didnt do.
It eats away at me all the time, to the point where im crying and being sick. I wish i could build a time machine and go back because i missed out on a guy who loved everything about me and i didnt take the chance, and i look back and i dont know why. I think i was just scared as id never ha a boyfriend never mind a serious one.
But now il never get him and nobody ever likes me.
I lost my virginity to him on a very drunken night before christmas, but ..its all complicated and basically he doesnt want to be with me. I had my chance
try and smile all day at college, and it makes me so made when i do have my down moments when people turn around to me like 'aw just be happy' .I feel like nobody understands what it feels like to be in depression.
I finish college at about 5 everyday so no chance in hanging out with old friends that i could catch up with. Plus that boy will most probably be in town and everytime i get into town i feel physically sick because im so scared of seeing him with somone else.
and as soon as i get home from college i cry, sometimes i end up crying on the bus home, i go to sleep within an hour of getting home becuase im so run down and dont want to think about things.
, i actaully thought id make some cool punky/goth friends in sixth form, but i choose the wrong place and everyone is so different from me and likes dfferent things i feel so out of place.
I just wish i was dead, everything in my life is ever average or plain bad.
Ive been in depression for 4 years and everyday gets harder, or stays the same.
the doctor doesnt help, couselling in rubbish, and i havent tryed tablets yet, but im thinking when i do they arent going to be prescription pills.
ive had enough, im forever , on google searching things like 'how to get over regret' , how to stop depression, how to make friends , how to get a boyfriend.
i just want happiness but i cant find it , and i cant keep having hope things will get better becuase ive got 2 more years of college yet and im so miserbale.
and whos saying when i leave college my universty will be any good ..i might feel left out there.
sorry you dont have to read this but nobody will talk to me or understand me so i just always write it down