everyday i wake up im sad and i kinda shake all day and worry all day and im sad all day.i hope my meds start to work soon cause i hate feeling like this.nothing makes me happy.sorry im posting this but i feel you guys are the only ones that understand me sometimes.
i just started taking paroxetine the generic of paxil 20mg.but i think i need 30 mg.i just started taking it last week i think it takes a month to start working though?and i just made an appt today for therapy next week.i feel dumb though the therapist is a girl my age and im a guy i feeel kinda dumb
I do. Everyday I wake up, I don't feel any happiness. I just wake up, and I feel sad, anxious, obsessed with what is wrong with me - racing thoughts.
I wake up, get ready for college, go to college... but I don't feel any motivation, I just 'go' to college, but I feel no happy or exciting emotions every morning I wake up.
My mind clears up somewhat in college, but then I go back home, feeling the same. And get even more depressed.
No celebration gives me any excitment, be it New Years, or Christmas. I don't feel happy.
And my brain is always occupied, am I going crazy? Because I have anxiety, bad depression, symptoms of depersonalisation/derealisation and strange thoughts, are we real? Is this world real? Why am I doing things that I do? How do I 'see' everything aroudn me? How is it possible? I feel panicky. I feel like I'm loosing my mind. I get strange thoughts, are people real? And so on...
all seems to go when I keep my min occupied with college work and when I'm with friends, - what really helps me as well is riding on a bus when it's dark in the evening, I feel 'warmness' and I then find happiness. All the people going back home from work, the dark, cold evenings, you sit in the bus, with the lights on, it just makes me feel happy
I know what you mean. I go to sleep every night and sometimes pray that I do not wake up. In the morning I have a real hard time getting moving and I am not really motivated. It is getting a little bit better. I hope your meds start helping soon.
I also know exactly how you feel - about feeling sad when you wake up. In fact I just posted earlier today about that.
When I'm at work I guess the distraction is good for me and gets my mind off of my thoughts. But trying to put on a "good happy face" all day does exhaust me and by the time I get home all I want to do is crawl into bed. If the phone rings, I don't even want to answer it!! - so I don't.
Perhaps I'm an overthinker - don't know if you do this too - but I always dwell on things that have happened or what I think will happen. Can't seem to shut things off in my mind, then anxiety sets in, then the deep sadness, etc.
I guess one step in the right direction though, is that you are at least posting your feelings and in some little way, this is a little bit of therapy. Just knowing that others care means alot.
I feel you on this. I wake up everyday like it's the last day I want to be alive. Some days worse than others, but for the most part it takes nearly 2 hours just to come out of my room and try to face the day.
I try not to wake up....what i mean is when my mum comes in to wake me i just lie there and do nothing prented i didnt hear whatever.... you just gotta find that something that u do it for and put your hole life into making that one thign perfect.... (yeah yeah i know you can never be perfect duh) any way music is mine i play i write i sing and i put my all into it the pain keeps a-commin and i keep i cuttin (btw DONT DO IT its more addictive then drugs i promise) any way i just wake up and say one day i am gonna be somebody and the world will kiss my *** and it wont hurt so much any more .....well....that and im scared ******** of dying... yeah anyway
__________________ Trapped in the cage of my soul [FONT=Lucida Sans Unicode][SIZE=2][COLOR=DarkRed]
i can totally relate to this.
i wake up and wish i was dead.
im so miserable, and i feel so out of place at sixth form, i just sit there crying while im getting ready.
i really cant take it anymore, i dont even think i could be classed as sane.
I have so many regrets, and the regret is doing something i didnt do.
It eats away at me all the time, to the point where im crying and being sick. I wish i could build a time machine and go back because i missed out on a guy who loved everything about me and i didnt take the chance, and i look back and i dont know why. I think i was just scared as id never ha a boyfriend never mind a serious one.
But now il never get him and nobody ever likes me.
I lost my virginity to him on a very drunken night before christmas, but ..its all complicated and basically he doesnt want to be with me. I had my chance
try and smile all day at college, and it makes me so made when i do have my down moments when people turn around to me like 'aw just be happy' .I feel like nobody understands what it feels like to be in depression.
I finish college at about 5 everyday so no chance in hanging out with old friends that i could catch up with. Plus that boy will most probably be in town and everytime i get into town i feel physically sick because im so scared of seeing him with somone else.
and as soon as i get home from college i cry, sometimes i end up crying on the bus home, i go to sleep within an hour of getting home becuase im so run down and dont want to think about things.
, i actaully thought id make some cool punky/goth friends in sixth form, but i choose the wrong place and everyone is so different from me and likes dfferent things i feel so out of place.
I just wish i was dead, everything in my life is ever average or plain bad.
Ive been in depression for 4 years and everyday gets harder, or stays the same.
the doctor doesnt help, couselling in rubbish, and i havent tryed tablets yet, but im thinking when i do they arent going to be prescription pills.
ive had enough, im forever , on google searching things like 'how to get over regret' , how to stop depression, how to make friends , how to get a boyfriend.
i just want happiness but i cant find it , and i cant keep having hope things will get better becuase ive got 2 more years of college yet and im so miserbale.
and whos saying when i leave college my universty will be any good ..i might feel left out there.
sorry you dont have to read this but nobody will talk to me or understand me so i just always write it down
The first thing I'd like to say to anyone who posted on this thread, or will come to read it in the future is this - I know from personal experience how crippling depression can be, so don't think I'm one of these people who is going to just dismiss you with a line like 'why dont u just cheer up'. I know its not as simple or easy as that. Overcoming depression takes time and effort, but TRUST ME.. I am living proof that it can be done! I now even struggle to relate with the 'depressed me' of last year, but I will never forget how devastating that feeling was and I have made it my mission to give a hoist up to others who I meet who are suffering.
I have literally learn't so much over my journey, and I am even in the process of writing a book which I intend to give away for free in order to help others overcome their depression just like I have without the use of addictive drugs that do NOTHING but mask the underlying issues.
Doctors and therapists rarely help either. They haven't ever experienced the crushing nature of depression and all it entails. They can relay info they've learnt from text books til the clouds come home but they haven't been there. There is a multi-billion dollar industry built around drugs and therapy. There is a limit to how much going over and over your issues and your past with a therapist can help also. Dwelling on the past cannot change the present or the future - FACT. Getting better takes action.
Like many people on here I would wake up feeling sick and anxious each morning, thoughts racing over things I had said or done. I felt like a failure, worthless even. I couldn't get excited about anything. I'd cry everyday.
Like a lot of you also, it came in full force after a break up (a rejection), but if I'm honest with myself it had been there before (maybe even contributed to her leaving?).
Like I say, I have learnt so much (enough to fill a book!) but just one piece of advice that I can think of from the top of my head that relate to posts on this thread -
Don't make anything you have no control over your be all and end all.
This includes, but is not limited to, other people! I made the same mistake. I made one girl my world, I gradually (unconsciously I must say) removed myself from all my friends and other hobbies and interests to spend all my time focused on her. She took up all my thoughts, I got into a habit of analysing every word she said, re-reading her text messages. So, naturally when she ended it I was left with a huge VOID. It took me a long time to recognise that the real cause of my depression was not this one girl. It was within myself.
Cupcake - There are MILLIONS of other men in the world who have just as much to offer as this guy, and who will appreciate you for who you are. Your regrets and obsession with this one guy will NEVER make him want you. It might be hard to accept that at the moment but your current thoughts are counter-productive. Instead you should be focusing your attentions on becoming content with yourself. THIS IS CRUCIAL! You will not be happy with or without anyone else, until you find contentment within yourself.
I am sorry that this message may seem rushed and poorly written. I literally have so much more I want to say but I couldn't possibly get it all down here. This is why I am trying to write it all down into a book so I can help as many people as possible. It will take time but I am determined to do it!!
Remember - no matter how bad you feel, there is always the opportunity to get better!!
Last edited by moderator2; 01-28-2009 at 08:27 AM.
Reason: too much quote