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Old 01-05-2005, 05:33 PM   #1
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Cherrie HB User
How do you get your spouse to understand?

I am in the deepest depression I've ever been in. This hole is darker and deeper than any of the others. My husband just doesn't get it. I'm on my second medication and still struggling with obsessive thoughts, sleeplessness, feeling like the world is falling in around me. All the usual stuff that goes along with this "condition". It is not helping me that everytime I try to explain to my husband that I AM SICK, he has to tell me how sick he is of dealing with me. I am truly at the no more hope stage.

Has anyone one else here successfully delt with this?

 
Old 01-05-2005, 06:02 PM   #2
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kiehn HB User
Re: How do you get your spouse to understand?

Years ago my husband used to do that to me. He truely didnt understand and even though we've been together almost 30 yrs he still forgets that when someone is in a deep depression that can't bring themselves out of it they need help. Do you have a friend or family that could offer you some emotional support until you can get to the doc. If not use this board just as your doing now until you can get to the doc, it sure has helped me. This may sound silly but I would guess your husband cant understand anymore than you can pull yourself out of your depression on your own. Give him time, this is a learning process for both of you. Take Care

 
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Old 01-05-2005, 08:46 PM   #3
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Re: How do you get your spouse to understand?

I'm getting help. I am not getting support. I'm scaird to death as I have not ever been this low before. Between the depression and anxiety attacks I'm a real train wreck. I'm starting to not want to go anywhere and when I do go it is such an effort. Everything is getting worse and I'm going to end up in a hosp. if something doesn't change soon. AKKKK

 
Old 01-05-2005, 09:09 PM   #4
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cyndel HB Usercyndel HB User
Re: How do you get your spouse to understand?

I have also been where you are and it is almost impossible for someone to understand what it is like if they have never felt it. The depression is very overwhelming and can not be dealt with alone. You may have to try several medications before you find one that works but stay in close contact with doctor and please try to find someone to talk to, even if it is on here. There are people that understand what it feels like to be all alone in that deep dark hole. It is an awful place to be and not having anyone understand makes it that much worse. Please know that it is fixable but it does take some time and there is a bright world on the other side when you finally get well again. Good luck, there will be people praying for your recovery. Keep us updated.

 
Old 01-05-2005, 09:37 PM   #5
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kiehn HB User
Re: How do you get your spouse to understand?

Cherrie others here truely do understand and have been where you are at, just
as both Cyndel and I mention in our post to you. If you have to post 10-20
times a day or more to find support do it. Just last week I was where you
were but my depression is the down side of my Bipolar disorder which also happen
to include some heavy phychosis at times as well. Although my husband understands
there's really nothing he can do especially when I get as bad as I was last
week. For two days I read and reread every post on the front page of this
board, the Bipolar board (lot of deep depression posts there) and the schizophrenia
board. In fact if you go to the Bipolar board my post was title "I feel so alone"
In the schizoprenia board "fighting to hold onto reality" My meds were changed,
and my husband and I went out for the day. We dont get out much so that really
helped me. One thing I've learned those of us that fight these mental disorders are
a lot stronger then we realize. Almost everytime my depression acts up and I get
that feeling that Im barely hanging on, when I do come out of it I look back and
say wow, how the heck did I pull thru that one, I realize I was much stronger than
I thought. Keep posting and try reading other sometimes you learn something that
helps you. Hang in there!

 
Old 01-05-2005, 10:47 PM   #6
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DKScully HB UserDKScully HB User
Re: How do you get your spouse to understand?

I've been on your side of it, but I've also been on the other side, so I can empathize with your husband to some extent. My younger brother has very bad ADD, and when we were growing up, it used to cause massive turmoil in my household. I was always the perfect student, and did my schoolwork without discussing it with anyone. However, my parents, ever-focused on the importance of grades would not let him slip despite his inability to focus. Every night, there was yelling and crying and all kinds of unpleasantness. And I resented him for it, because why could I do my homework so independently, and for him, it was always this dramatic ordeal? It really made me angry and upset, and honestly, I'm not sure if it was until I took educational psychology classes and actually spent some time working in classrooms with students who had a variety of learning disabilities and mental illnesses that I began to comprehend that some people's brains give them problems completely out of their control...

It was only after that that I came to terms with my depression and anxiety--that although I am an intelligent and rational person, sometimes i can't get out of the dark, sometimes I can't stop fixating on and fearing all of the horrible things that could happen (realistic things...but ignoring the many GOOD realistic things that could also take place...). It's not something I can turn off--God knows, I try--but it's something chemical imbalance that casts a shadow over my life, just like my brother's ADD spun too many thoughts through his head for him to productively focus on one.

Sorry, I guess this post didn't really say anything that hasn't already been said. But my point is... I don't know. It's all very scary, and very hard to understand if you haven't better. Sitting down and talking to him about it in a rational, scientific way may help, depending on his personality. It's hard to say. As everyone else has pointed out, you have to have some sort of support system, if it can't be in, so make sure you surround yourself with people you can open up to (I got lucky--I share an office with three girls who are about to get their master's in counseling, so I don't need to go far, haha!) Anyway, best of luck!

 
Old 01-06-2005, 09:38 PM   #7
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Re: How do you get your spouse to understand?

thank you.

Last edited by Cherrie; 01-07-2005 at 06:48 AM.

 
Old 01-06-2005, 10:26 PM   #8
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cyndel HB Usercyndel HB User
Re: How do you get your spouse to understand?

Am I missing something?? Your husband set you up to be arrested and presumably sent to prison. And you are worried because he doesn't understand your depression. What are you doing with someone that would do that to you and what do you care what he thinks? I think if you stay with him you are going to have a lot more problems than you do now.

 
Old 01-07-2005, 04:36 AM   #9
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Re: How do you get your spouse to understand?

My husband had his sister move in. I did not agree to have her move in. While here she hit on me and did everything she could to disrupt our lives. She and my husband decided that I should move out so they set me up and said I hit him. I don't hit anyone every. I didn't even spank my kids. I was arrested for spousal abuse. Since I was the "accused" I couldn't stay in a shelter. Since I was arrested I can't get a job that requires responsibility and trust. He told the cops one story one day and told the court a completely different story the next day. I am in the process of having my arrest record sealed. I was not charged because there were no credible witness's. duh. His sister is history and he has recanted most of his story and admitted his wrong doing. I care because I can't get a job with the arrest record. The type of work I do requires an impecable reputation and morals. You think if I stay with him I am going to have more problems? Where would you suggest I go? With no job, no hope of getting a job and having already had the wonderful experience of living in my car. I am dealing with the reality of my life not someones preconceved notions of what I should or shouldn't be doing. Certainly I was not expecting more judgement calls and I'm not going to defend myself anymore. I'm done with that. So just pretend I was never here. This was a bad decision on my part.

 
Old 01-07-2005, 06:36 PM   #10
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cyndel HB Usercyndel HB User
Re: How do you get your spouse to understand?

Cherrie, I am very sorry, I was way out of line. Please get help and get better, I know you are strong enough to do it and I wish you the very best of luck. Again, please forget and forgive what I said.

 
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