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Old 02-15-2005, 09:02 AM   #1
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sydneysmommie HB User
I have no REAL friends or loving family

I just realized yesterday, that I do not have a core group of anyone.

About 18 months ago, my husband was transfered to another state for a great job. I lived in Chicago my entire life. I was 5 months pregnant at the time. I had a great career, I had some friends. My family...We'll that's another story. I have never had a supportive family. I never really had parents. When I moved, my mother did not even see me to say goodbye. When i had my daughter, she did not come out here to see us. She said I shoudl pay for the ticket, I moved not her. NO support system here.

My mother and father got divorced when I was 2. When I was 8 he gpt remarried and he moved away. We never heard from him again.= until I tracked him down when I was 21. We are now friends. but he is very sick now and won't be around much longer. I never had a daddy, I never had a mommy. Biologically yes, Physically no. My daughter now has a really srcewed up mommy. Who may be stupid enough to end her life someday.

My mother kept him far away from us because she was a control freak. We never saw her much growing up, she worked and also dated a man for 16 years that did not like kids. Shew would sleep at his house 3-5 nights a week and leave us with a sitter. She pretty much hated us. We were a burden.

I have never really had much of a relationship with her because she is mean, selfish and well abusive in every shape.

My grandmother-her mom..used to stick up for her when she would punch us,kick us, strangle us and yell nasty swear words at my sister and I. I can still here them in my head now. I grew up having anxiety, I still have it today. I will always be afraid. I have been to therapy, has not helped. I have taken meds hasn't helped. I am alone...Deep down inside I will always be alone.

If I am not able to take this anymore, I hope my daughter knows I was a good person. I hope she has alot of friends and people who love her.

My mother said no one would want us long term. She was right. I am alone inside and out. I am exausted from trying to make and keep friends. I am not likeable. I have to accept that. Maybe I am my mother. Maybe I also will be alone.

Where do I turn anymore? To my husband? yes he is wonderful. I feel sorry he is like someone like me. I amy be pretty to him, have some sense. But what else do I have to offer? Oh yes, I can cook. I am supposed to feel good about having one person. I can't. I can't even trust this relationship will work.

I am writting here because.. I don't know why personally. Maybe because i want someone to know me. I see tons of posts where they never get responses. Maybe I am a glutten for ignorance. I always say i will never be the victim. I have fought for so long now. Is is not about victims anymore. i need to accept that I will always be alone.

I am tired. I want to give this up. I am so tired inside. No one has room out here for another friend. How can I teach my daughter any differently when I am NOOOO example for her.

I hope that when you read this you reach out to those that need you. I know there are people who are just like me out there..wanting a friend, soemone to like them without conditions....just someone to count on. You can physically die without touch,,,,,,I have already died inside w/o love.

Thank you for listening.

 
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Old 02-15-2005, 09:52 AM   #2
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Re: I have no REAL friends or loving family

Hi Sydnyeysmommie It's Goody You are not alone unless that is what you truly believe. You have a wonderful husband who obviously loves you and a daughter who loves you as well. Do not allow the love that you were denied as a child to consume you in a way that it'll be that way for your daughter as well. YOU are not your mother...and YOU can do something right now to prevent your daughter from experiencing the same pain that you are at this time in your life. And that is to love yourself enough to get some help. First I will tell you that I understand that you feel alone but that it will not be that way forever. This is temporary whereas if you were to do something to hurt yourself it will be permanent even if things were to change in your life. So you need to promise yourself that you will not do something that will permanently affect you and your family. Now....you must first believe that everything that has happenend in your past is not your fault and that just because your mother and father were incapable of showing love doesn't mean that you were ever undeserving of it. You got dealt a bad hand in life but it doesn't mean that you can't change things for yourself and the well being of your daughter. You are capable of having and making friends...everybody is, but you must first make friends with yourself. If you look badly towards yourself then how can you expect others to see you any differently??? You are a good person with many gifts and talents. Surely you are much more than a cook to your husband and daughter. I want you to look into the mirror and say to yourself....."I am a good person who is worth loving and who I like very much." I want you to say this until you believe it. Hold your daughter in your arms and say it so she will learn how to say it too. Will you do this no matter how silly it sounds???? Then I want you to do some fun things for yourself. Think of what would have made you feel special if your mother had done it for you. Maybe it's as simple as making a bubble bath. Make one for you in the morning and then one for your daughter at night. Maybe it's singing a special song....get a CD of some music you enjoy and play it and sing it loud as you do the dishes. Go get yourself a haircut or do something special for yourself such as buying a new outfit to go with your beautiful eyes. When you start to love yourself & take care of yourself you will be ready for the next step and that will be to go share yourself with others. How???? Go to a mommy & me program at your local library. Talk with other moms and introduce your daughter to new friends. Invite them over for coffee and snacks setting up a playdate for mommy as well as your daughter. Before you know it, you will see that you are truly a wonderful person who is so worthy of friendship & love. But it all begins with you truly believing that and then going out and making it happen.


Soooo...you can do one of two things.....live in the past and allow it to be your duahgter's future. OR....being brave enough to change your past so that both you and your daughter can have the wonderful future you are so deserving of. YOU ARE NOt AS ALONE AS YOU MAY THINK Goody is here to make sure of that....Goody

Last edited by goody2shuz; 02-15-2005 at 09:57 AM.

 
Old 02-15-2005, 09:57 AM   #3
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Warren_G HB User
Re: I have no REAL friends or loving family

sydneysmommie these are common thoughts when you are depressed, i can see you are very intelligent and you have lots of potential, Life is hard enough without depression. Please dont let Depression take the best of you over, you will regret it. When your in the Sad state of mind, you feel like it will last forever, Dont degrade yourself! Stop , i find myself doing it at times but i know it has no point. Trust me there is happiness waiting for you. There are demons floating around in your head messin with your thoughts. Analyze your situation what is it that makes you sad ? Your parents i believe is the primary cause. You have a daughter who has come into the world dont let her go through what you had to. Take care of your daughter, let her have a wonderful mother and a wonderful father. Please take care, dont let the demons win.

 
Old 02-15-2005, 10:53 AM   #4
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Samantha317 HB User
Re: I have no REAL friends or loving family

You may not have had a loving family growing up but you have your own family now. Your husband and your daughter need you. They both love you very much and would suffer a great deal without you.

This is the depression talking, everything seems hopeless. Don't listen to those negative thoughts.

Maybe the meds you were on didn't work but there are other meds to try whether it be prescription or an herbal remedy. I don't know what experiences you have had with doctors but if one didn't work then try a different one. You can't give up hope.

You are not your mom and never will be. You learned a lot from your bad experiences as a child and even as an adult. You won't make those same mistakes with your child. Hold your daughter and tell her you love her and that you won't give up because you do love her. Hang in there!

Wishing you well,
Sam

 
Old 02-15-2005, 10:56 AM   #5
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kiehn HB User
Re: I have no REAL friends or loving family

Sydneysmommie
Oh you sweet thing, it makes me want to cry hearing about your past and I come
from a pretty nasty past myself. Goody Has offered you wonderful advise please
read it carefully. Warren takes a different approach but the meaning is the same
not to give up.

Sounds to me like your parents gave up at some point and lost their values, morals
leaving them cold and mean spirited. Dont let it happen to you.

FIGHT, because you deserved better,

FIGHT for that child in you that is still hurting and needs love,

FIGHT for your future,

FIGHT for your daughters future,

FIGHT because your husband and daughter loves you,

FIGHT because you love yourself if you didnt you wouldnt have even reached out for
help,

FIGHT because people here on this board care enough to treat you like family,

FIGHT because there is still hope for you and you deserve it.

Theraphy and antidepressants never helped me either, until I got angry and realized
I didnt deverse to be treated as I was. Until I learned to LOVE myself my FAULTS and
all, until I FORGAVE myself for mistakes Ive had made. Little by little, step by step things improved.

I now take a natural antidepressant SAM-e (found at walmart) to keep my moods off the bottom of the barrel and that give me the strenth to always keep fighting not just for myself but for my children so that never have to know the pain I have.

YOU can do it,

YOU deserve it,

YOU are worth it,

PROTECT and LOVE that child in you that no one ever did,

NUTURE her, LOVE her, GUIDE and HELP her grow, you have the strength because you are a SURVIVOR. To me that means you suffered a great trauma and still survived with your VALUES, MORALS and LOVE in your heart. DONT LET THE PAST STEAL IT FROM YOU NOW, DONT LET IT DIE!!!
A friend in spirit, K

Last edited by kiehn; 02-15-2005 at 10:58 AM.

 
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Old 02-15-2005, 11:46 AM   #6
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Re: I have no REAL friends or loving family

Quote:
Originally Posted by sydneysmommie
I just realized yesterday, that I do not have a core group of anyone.

About 18 months ago, my husband was transfered to another state for a great job. I lived in Chicago my entire life. I was 5 months pregnant at the time. I had a great career, I had some friends. My family...We'll that's another story. I have never had a supportive family. I never really had parents. When I moved, my mother did not even see me to say goodbye. When i had my daughter, she did not come out here to see us. She said I shoudl pay for the ticket, I moved not her. NO support system here.

My mother and father got divorced when I was 2. When I was 8 he gpt remarried and he moved away. We never heard from him again.= until I tracked him down when I was 21. We are now friends. but he is very sick now and won't be around much longer. I never had a daddy, I never had a mommy. Biologically yes, Physically no. My daughter now has a really srcewed up mommy. Who may be stupid enough to end her life someday.

My mother kept him far away from us because she was a control freak. We never saw her much growing up, she worked and also dated a man for 16 years that did not like kids. Shew would sleep at his house 3-5 nights a week and leave us with a sitter. She pretty much hated us. We were a burden.

I have never really had much of a relationship with her because she is mean, selfish and well abusive in every shape.

My grandmother-her mom..used to stick up for her when she would punch us,kick us, strangle us and yell nasty swear words at my sister and I. I can still here them in my head now. I grew up having anxiety, I still have it today. I will always be afraid. I have been to therapy, has not helped. I have taken meds hasn't helped. I am alone...Deep down inside I will always be alone.

If I am not able to take this anymore, I hope my daughter knows I was a good person. I hope she has alot of friends and people who love her.

My mother said no one would want us long term. She was right. I am alone inside and out. I am exausted from trying to make and keep friends. I am not likeable. I have to accept that. Maybe I am my mother. Maybe I also will be alone.

Where do I turn anymore? To my husband? yes he is wonderful. I feel sorry he is like someone like me. I amy be pretty to him, have some sense. But what else do I have to offer? Oh yes, I can cook. I am supposed to feel good about having one person. I can't. I can't even trust this relationship will work.

I am writting here because.. I don't know why personally. Maybe because i want someone to know me. I see tons of posts where they never get responses. Maybe I am a glutten for ignorance. I always say i will never be the victim. I have fought for so long now. Is is not about victims anymore. i need to accept that I will always be alone.

I am tired. I want to give this up. I am so tired inside. No one has room out here for another friend. How can I teach my daughter any differently when I am NOOOO example for her.

I hope that when you read this you reach out to those that need you. I know there are people who are just like me out there..wanting a friend, soemone to like them without conditions....just someone to count on. You can physically die without touch,,,,,,I have already died inside w/o love.

Thank you for listening.
Oh, poor sweetie. I'm sorry about how sad you're feeling. I understand it, completely. Please don't give up. My mother *did* commit suicide when I was 4, and though I remember nothing about her, I miss what I don't know. I think about her all the time and wonder what she was like, what of me is like her.... I have major anxiety issues because of her suicide, always afraid the people I love will be taken from me. I saw the impact it had on my older siblings, too. My oldest sister became and alcoholic, and she still cries for my mother to this day (she's almost 40.) My other sister became a workaholic, filling up her life so much she doesn't have time to feel pain. And this happened 22 years ago! Your daughter and husband need you, probably more than you can imagine. And, you can be an example to your daughter by *not* being the mother your own mother was to you. You can offer to her all the things you wished your mother would've offered you. Please, when you have suicidal thoughts, look at your beautiful Sydney and think of all you (and she) would miss out on if you weren't around to watch her grow up. And don't kid yourself that she'd be better off without you! Of all the people in the world, she needs you the most. And I'll bet you're an amazing mother. I sense that from you.

Your own mother is full of BS, and it sounds like she might suffer from mental illness. The problems were (are) hers, not yours, and she used you and your sister as scapegoats. She had no business telling you the things she did and treating you the way she did. She didn't verbally and physically hurt you because you deserved to be abused, but because she was an abusive person. I have a stepmother who would tell me things like, "You're a worthless piece of *****," and would constantly tell me I was stupid. It took me a long time to understand that no, I wasn't worthless and stupid, but that she was an angry person turning her own aggressions towards me. How is your relationship with your sister? Maybe you could talk to her about some of your feelings about your Mom. She went through the same thing you did, and she should be able to understand more than anybody. Also, maybe you could write your mother a letter and tell her all the things you just told us. I think it could be theraputic just to tell her off, so to speak. Lately, I've been feeling like my father has been indifferent, and I've been feeling very angry about it, especially given he knows how depressed I am. The more I hold it in the more angry at him I become. I think telling him would be a great chip off my shoulders, but I'm not sure how to do it, yet. It might feel good to give your mother a reality check. I'm sorry to hear about your father. I hope you can make all the amends you need to make and have the most fullfilling relationship possible while you can.

As far as friends go, I'm in the same boat. I have a couple of "friends," but I don't really like them, and I haven't seen them since Halloween. I've noticed that I'm a lot more concerned about people liking me than I am about liking them, and it ends up that I have people in my life that I don't have very much in common with. Where did you move to? Are there parenting clubs or playtime circles you and your daughter could join? Or going to church could be a good way to meet people and have a sense of community. Maybe you could do volunteer work and feel good about helping others. I also understand being too tired to make the effort. Coming to forums (like you've done) is a great way to be able to talk with people without having to expend much energy. Also, do you stay in touch with your Chicago friends? E-mail is a wonderful way to save on expensive long distance charges.

I hope this reply will help you feel better. I think I can understand your pain, and it's something no one should have to go through. I care. I am reaching out to you. I wish I could do it in a more personable way, but, of course, I can't. I wanted to help in the way I could.

Be good to yourself, hun. You are a good person. You do have much to offer. You are loved. You are needed. You are cared about.

Big hugs.

~EoR~

 
Old 02-15-2005, 11:53 AM   #7
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Re: I have no REAL friends or loving family

Oh, my goodness. Just after my post, I looked over to see my 21 month old son *butt naked!" These are the moments to live for. These are the times in my life I can't imagine missing. What a silly little boy, taking off all his clothes. And, I wanted to point out that in the time it took me to write and post my last post, 5 people replied to you! That there shows that people do care.

--To many days of small children running about nekky.--

Love,

EoR

 
Old 02-15-2005, 12:11 PM   #8
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sydneysmommie HB User
Re: I have no REAL friends or loving family

Thank you all for such nuturing posts. I couldn't help but to cry the whole time. It is so nice to hear such loving words. I have a pounding headache....

I don't think i could ever hurt myself....but when i feel Like I am dying inside, I sense that it will physically kill me. Stress and depression are bad influences on your system. I have had panic stress anxiety for soooooo many years from a mother who I thought someday would kill me.

My sister and I do not have the best relationship. She is a martyr who continuously asks for more from our mother who still calls us names....when she feels we are not doing what we should with her. I am 36 and my sister is 38. My mother still feels like we owe her our lives for what she did to raise us.

I have tried the letter..I even sent it. All It did was help her to ignore me more...and to reassure herself that I was bad. She should not have had children.

I am scared..I have had no role model at all. How can I be a good parent to Sydney? my husbands parents are much more caring....when they are not busy with ther own lives.

Is it wrong for me to want to have someone who I know would do anything for us? I know my husband would. But g-d forbid something ever happened to him, we would be alone.

I am not even sure what a real friend is. I have never had someone who totally knows me. Who would be there no matter what. They do this for some of their friends but why not for me? Anyone who does know me, knows I am ALWAYS there for them. No conditions, no questions asked. If it's 2 in the morning and you need a hug..I am there. Why can't I have that? Is that too much to ask?

You are all correct in having to love yourself. I accept me...I cannot accept what has been dished my way lately. I lived 30+ years with junk...Why does it still continue. Heck I moved away....I left this all behind. It is still here. The same issues with people. The same selfishness, the same "junk".

You have to be a friend to have friends. I have been such a good friend to so many people. I even get called from aquaintances who need unbiased advice.
Why does this not get reciprocated?

I need to understand this....I am getting to be a bitter person...Because i am tired of being pushed to the side...For someone better? What is better? What is better than someone who cares w/o conditions?

I live in NJ..Quite a change right? I lived in Chicago.

I've met groups Mommy and Me....I see the women for a while and then PRESTO>>>>> they never call again. Or they make plans with eachother and do notinclude me. When i play back what it is.....What did I say....I haven't the faintest clue.....

Is it me? I am just a weird person? I am not psychotic, I am not mean. I may be lonely, but that's my issue. No one even knows that.....

 
Old 02-15-2005, 12:18 PM   #9
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sydneysmommie HB User
Re: I have no REAL friends or loving family

Ps...Goodie you are very kind. Thank you for such a sincere post.

Thank you to everyone....I need this right now more than anything...

I have taken 2 (.25 zolofts) to calm down. Sadly it isn't working. So next alternative is chocolate. Either it will work...Or I will get fat....

 
Old 02-15-2005, 12:22 PM   #10
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Re: I have no REAL friends or loving family

Just curious, are you shy?

 
Old 02-15-2005, 12:36 PM   #11
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Re: I have no REAL friends or loving family

SM(excuse the laziness)....You say that you are a friend AND THAT YOU MUST BE A FRIEND IN ORDER TO HAVE A FRIEND.....but are you a friend to yourself??? Believe it or not how you feel about yourself is what you reflect to the rest of the world. Re-read my post and start doing that thing in front of the mirror. I mean it...do it until you BELIEVE it and then go out into the world and show them the friend you can be.

You said you left a career that you loved. Is there anywhere in New Jersey that you can at least continue doing so in a parttime capacity??? This will also allow you to meet new people and increase your confidence.

Also...it seems even thouhg you physically have left your past you have perhaps without even your own knowledge brought it along with you. Have you ever gone for therapy???? Abusive relationships leave deep scars that can heal with the right therapist. And I would have as little interaction with your mom as possible.....she abused you and probably still does in the way she treats you. Being physically away from her is good but even in phone calls words can still be abusive and you need to stay away from anything that can make you feel badly towards yourself.

You wonder why the selflishness and pain is still with you despite your moving away....it will be with you until you face it head on and choose not to allow ti to be part of your life anymore. You may have problems learning to trust people and so that leaves you in a sense inapproachable which you perceive as not being included and people being cruel when in fact they don't know how to be the sort of friend you need. Learning to trust again and to make friends once agin is something you need to work on within yourself. Friends will come your way.....but you need to know that you are your own best friend before making one.

Time will heal all wounds...you had a rough life and you can walk forward to a wonderful future by realizing that you are a wonderful person despite how your mother and others treated you in the past. Embrace your future and do what you need to do to fill your life with happiness. Stay away from anything that brings you down and surround yourself with good things. You can turn your life around by just believing in what you deserve...a life of happiness & love. Thy're both there for the taking, now go out and get them. How??? By taking care of yourself and doing what you need to do in order to get there....Goody

 
Old 02-15-2005, 12:54 PM   #12
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sydneysmommie HB User
Re: I have no REAL friends or loving family

EoR....

Shy? Nope I wish I had some shyness! I am Type AAAAAAAA+ when it comes to being outgoing. I have never been afraid to get out there and live....Believe me when I tell you that.

I guess that's what keeps me going. Woud it help to be shy? I am willing to try anything....


Goody working has really crossed my mind. I just would feel guilty leaing Sydney with our Nanny all day. We have a live-in(very fortunate for me)...I think my husband paid for her to watch me....Instead of Sydney.

 
Old 02-15-2005, 01:00 PM   #13
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kiehn HB User
Re: I have no REAL friends or loving family

Hi again A vurtual Hug 2 my friend in spirit.
You obviously have friends here and I myself you gladly offer you a vitual hug
anytime you need it. Goody has such absolely wonderful advice even I've learned
from it from both her posts.

I also have problems with friendships, however Im also still working on
nurturing that child in me, to love myself. I also have been there for others
more times than I can count but it's like they take advantage of me and then
I rarely hear from them again.

You ask how can you be the mother wihtout a role model. Listen to your heart
it's obviously full of LOVE. If you do make a mistake it's OK, mistakes are for
learning which will also teach your daughter it's ok to make mistakes as long
as wel learn from them. Take one small step at a time and soon you'll be amazed at yourself.

In addition to being sexually mollested, raped, phycially and emotionally abused as a child, my father was an alcoholic and my mother has some sort of mental disorder. Ive been hospitalized three times in the last 12 yrs due to the fact all the trauma tiggered a heritary bipolar disorder w/phycosis. I fought with everything in me
to give our 2 daughters a loving home I never had. They are grown now but they tell
me I did a good job, which brings tears to my eyes when ever they tell me. Sure I made mistakes everyone does, but I did my best to fix them. If I can do it with my
disability and past trauma so can you. One small step at a time. Keep posting and
reading others. I have learned so much that way. Your friend in spirit, K

 
Old 02-16-2005, 11:02 PM   #14
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jjim HB User
Re: I have no REAL friends or loving family

Hi sydnesymom

I can understand where you are - been that road pretty much too - an emotionally distant (probably very depressed) mother although not abusive and a mostly absent dad. Never really close friends although lots of accquaintances.

I was terrified about becoming a parent - both that I would be no good and also that then the possible option of suicide would be gone. But I have 2 beautiful daughters , now 11 and 12 and somehow, although far from perfect I haven't seemed to do too bad a job - we're definitely closer than I ever was to anyone - and they fill my life with joy every day

I can also share the feeling of despair and the deep in your heart certainty that that is all there is and no hope or expectation for any kind of better future. But, like trying to imagine hot beach sun in the winter, belive me there can be and WILL be a better time.

I'm also someone with very few friends - lots of work friends but min REAL friends that I can actually talk to. Lots of people lean on me and I'm always there ( even more so at work cos I'm in healthcare) - and no-one there for me - but, then again I NEVER ask ! I don't allow it - will drive myself to the airport - arrive back at work 2 days after shoulder surgery etc etc I never ask people to help me out andd then feel somehow aggreived that they don't. Silly but true. Maybe all those childhood years doing it all for myself.

I'm trying to change and making slow inroads and meds do help and all the other writers are correct - you've got to somehow get to be a friend to yourself first. I'm still struggling with that one too - if you get any good answers on how to make that happen at a real deep level please hand them on.

wishing you strength
jj

 
Old 02-17-2005, 12:30 AM   #15
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campbellita HB User
Re: I have no REAL friends or loving family

Quote:
Originally Posted by goody2shuz
SM(excuse the laziness)....You say that you are a friend AND THAT YOU MUST BE A FRIEND IN ORDER TO HAVE A FRIEND.....but are you a friend to yourself??? Believe it or not how you feel about yourself is what you reflect to the rest of the world. Re-read my post and start doing that thing in front of the mirror. I mean it...do it until you BELIEVE it and then go out into the world and show them the friend you can be.

You said you left a career that you loved. Is there anywhere in New Jersey that you can at least continue doing so in a parttime capacity??? This will also allow you to meet new people and increase your confidence.

Also...it seems even thouhg you physically have left your past you have perhaps without even your own knowledge brought it along with you. Have you ever gone for therapy???? Abusive relationships leave deep scars that can heal with the right therapist. And I would have as little interaction with your mom as possible.....she abused you and probably still does in the way she treats you. Being physically away from her is good but even in phone calls words can still be abusive and you need to stay away from anything that can make you feel badly towards yourself.

You wonder why the selflishness and pain is still with you despite your moving away....it will be with you until you face it head on and choose not to allow ti to be part of your life anymore. You may have problems learning to trust people and so that leaves you in a sense inapproachable which you perceive as not being included and people being cruel when in fact they don't know how to be the sort of friend you need. Learning to trust again and to make friends once agin is something you need to work on within yourself. Friends will come your way.....but you need to know that you are your own best friend before making one.

Time will heal all wounds...you had a rough life and you can walk forward to a wonderful future by realizing that you are a wonderful person despite how your mother and others treated you in the past. Embrace your future and do what you need to do to fill your life with happiness. Stay away from anything that brings you down and surround yourself with good things. You can turn your life around by just believing in what you deserve...a life of happiness & love. Thy're both there for the taking, now go out and get them. How??? By taking care of yourself and doing what you need to do in order to get there....Goody
What an AWESOME post!!! I hope it helped sydneysmommy and it certainly helped me. I was nodding my head in agreement all the time I was reading it. Yes, loving the self is the start, people can tell when we don't love ourselves.

I was very sad and a little afraid for you sydnesymommy when I read your first post. Because of your expressions of not wanting to live...please don't even let yourself think these things...you are a wonderful and loving mother, with a very lucky daughter. Go say that to yourself in the mirror...I dare you :-)

 
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