Well I must have taken a nose dive today, becaue I truely wish I were dead.
Every singl;e day life is a constant fight but today I just couldnt handle it and Ive been cursing God all day long. I truely believe he hate me and enjoys torturing. Theres no other excuse. I used to be a devoted christian but God decided to make my life a living hell 3 years ago and since then it has been. DONT preach to me about a loving God because as fair as Im concern if God loved so much this world wont be in the shape it is, children
wouldnt be mollested and raped. Elderly wouldnt be abused and abandoned
and forced to eat dog food to afford their perscriptions. Dont see much reason for this post except to vent and believe me I feel enough rage right
now I could probably bend steal with my bare hands. Like Sucks and I
the only escape is death, Im looking forward to mine. K
Well I must have taken a nose dive today, becaue I truely wish I were dead.
Every singl;e day life is a constant fight but today I just couldnt handle it and Ive been cursing God all day long. I truely believe he hate me and enjoys torturing. Theres no other excuse. I used to be a devoted christian but God decided to make my life a living hell 3 years ago and since then it has been. DONT preach to me about a loving God because as fair as Im concern if God loved so much this world wont be in the shape it is, children
wouldnt be mollested and raped. Elderly wouldnt be abused and abandoned
and forced to eat dog food to afford their perscriptions. Dont see much reason for this post except to vent and believe me I feel enough rage right
now I could probably bend steal with my bare hands. Like Sucks and I
the only escape is death, Im looking forward to mine. K
Hi Kiehn,
I am so sorry you are in such pain. I am sorry you have had to go through so many bad things in your life. My heart goes out to you. Life is hard and it does seem to prey on the weak and the vulnerable.
You give so much of yourself to others on this board. I have drawn strength by your posts. I wish I had a way with words like you do, but I don't. Just please know I am sincere and hope this pain soon passes.
What do you say to a post like that????...Do I disagree with you that the words stinks at times...Yes....I do not understand how the universe can allow such horrible things to happen to people, but it does.
I know how you feel when you say what's worth living if it's like this?
What I can tell you is that there is a place for all of us out there. We NEED to be here for some reason....What? I can't answer that. We also have a choice with most things in our lives. We cannot choose our parents, we cannot choose our feet!
WE can however choose to make the world a better place...It is how YOU feel you can do this. I cannot answer that. Right now I could tell you to volunteer...that may sound stupid at this moment. I could tell you to run outside and scream...Would it help...possibly. Heck i gpt into a fight with a woman at the grocery store because she wanted to move to the side that I was on????? What is with that? L aughed afterwards and reminded myself that a grammy was needed for that one
To end your life? That's a really tough one...What happens if you did? Do you wonder about who it would affect? Probably many people. I have said on many occassions this world is not worth living in while it is like this. Today may be stinky...but tomorrow, it is going to be different. You have the choice. It truely is in your hands. What is different you ask? AllI can say with honest eyes,different is going to be WAY better than what you are saying today.
Please do not make such a harsh decision because of what you cannot control.
You care...I heard it and saw it in your post. You care whether you want to beleive it or not. What can you do to help yourself? Or how about the elderly? It does take one person to make a difference in someone elses life. Or even at best MANY peoples lives.
What I want to know is what you can do? I know what I can do....I am also in your boat..I can change what I don't appprove of in y life...When I am ready.....I know I will make the right choices.
Quote: "It does take one person to make a difference in someone else's life". There you have the reason for the world being what it is. The world is a culmination of the interaction of people.
Hitler learned how to make a difference, for the worse. Mother Theresa learned how to make a difference, for the better. There are lots of little Mother Theresas around, and a lot of little Hitlers. Even if a person's influence is only within his family, he/she is by existence an example and influence on others.
In North America, it takes people with good conscience to sustain a democracy. Overseas there are people with no consciences who take for themselves and let the other starve... countries in turmoil, famine, blight.
The Boxing Day tsunami in the east -- hundreds of millions of dollars and hundreds of people are rushing in to help the victims of a natural disaster. It's not fair for the children, but God has His reasons. We in the west still have "Jacob's Blessing", but still we have to face adversity. If there was nothing to conquer then we'd all be a world of wimps.
God gave people FREE CHOICE. The culmination of the interaction of these free choices is what makes up the world today. It is always easier to do the bad thing than it is to do the good thing. That is why we see primarily bad things.
You don't wanna hear it, but it is there -- Jesus is going to physically return to earth and set up a one-thousand year reign, to show us how to run a world. I pray for that to be soon, and is one fantastic hope that keeps me going day after god-awful day.
Where is the Love? Everyone needs love in their life. If I don't have it, then I must rearrange myself so I can find it. Love (emotional, not physical) really does conquer all, and is a great lifeline in depression. I know that. I can be far down, and the parent I look after suddenly needs help. I respond out of Love and I help her, and it helps me to be of some use.
It's always easier to do the bad thing than the good thing, and Love helps us do the good thing. Giving up and cutting out of life is attractive to me sometimes too, but what example am I setting for those who hear about it on the news or in the newspaper? The influence is bad. My conscience takes over. My decision to see the next day helps others to do the same. And if you have noone, go somewhere where you'll find someone or some people and interact positively. That's what God wants out of every person born naked and brand new to this world -- to become a better person and to use that influence positively with the people around us -- one day at a time, one hour at a time. The culmination of interaction of free choices.
Love everyone, Love yourself if only for my sake, xpax
Well I must have taken a nose dive today, becaue I truely wish I were dead.
Every singl;e day life is a constant fight but today I just couldnt handle it and Ive been cursing God all day long. I truely believe he hate me and enjoys torturing. Theres no other excuse. I used to be a devoted christian but God decided to make my life a living hell 3 years ago and since then it has been. DONT preach to me about a loving God because as fair as Im concern if God loved so much this world wont be in the shape it is, children
wouldnt be mollested and raped. Elderly wouldnt be abused and abandoned
and forced to eat dog food to afford their perscriptions. Dont see much reason for this post except to vent and believe me I feel enough rage right
now I could probably bend steal with my bare hands. Like Sucks and I
the only escape is death, Im looking forward to mine. K
Do you think about PROTECTING YOURSELF ?
What step could you take in the next few days that could make your life less difficult ?
Do you think about taking care of yourself everyday ?
Do you afford yourself self-esteem ?
Are you able to see the good things you are able to achieve each day ? Are you ?
Thanks to all, like I said today was worse than normal and I cursed God all the
way home. I think he enjoys torturing me though and I imagine he finds my getting
upset and anger humorous. That only proves to me what kind of a god he really is.
To xpax, as I said I was once a devout christian I've read my bible, etc etc etc.
AS to FREE WILL where was my FREE WILL and millions of other who were mollested
and raped, phyciall and emotionally abused. Did we have free will NOOOOOOOOO!!!! only the offender did, so I no longer have faith or trust in God he lied when he said he loved and protected little chidlren. Im sure God has a place for me with all the rage and anger I spoken to him but it's not going to be with him and why would I want to anyway. As far as Im concerned he is a liar, he doesnt Love, care or protect children, the poor, the weak, the elderly. I better stop now!!!
However dispite my feeling about God it doesnt stop me from caring about people,
children, elderly. God sure as hell isnt going to to it we the people have to. God
might persucute me and I might hate him for it, but I still care and when I see them being taken advantage of I speak up and defend them. So where's this wonderful God for them, yet he always seems to be around to protect the wicked, defend the mollesters the rapist, the parent that tortures their child to death, let a murder off, allow drugs to be sold to a child. What wrong with this picture, where is this wonderful God during times like these???
Why do you blame God for everything? There's Another Force opposing him that wins far too many times. But if you let that force get to you, you'll give up.
QUOTE Why do you blame God for everything? There's Another Force opposing him that wins far too many times. But if you let that force get to you, you'll give up. QUOTE
So you're saying God doesnt have control, He made the heavens & the world, he made EVERYTHING!!!, he has full control, he can control evil when he wants to, who do you think created evil in the first place.
Like I said I fight every single day but Im not God so if he pushes me to the point of giving up, he once again proves what kind of God he is.
I'll respect you're wishes, but just so that you know this isnt just a today issue
this has been going on for over three years on a daily basis, it's just I usually
keep it to myself, however it is the main reason for my depression being all the
suffering and pain God has alllowed. As for being responsible for our action yes I agree, but we can't control what God Allows, enough said I will not bring up what I feel is the cause of my depression again. Sorry if I offended anyones beliefs by
expressing my own depression. K
Wow... what a sad post. Did something specific happen today, or just a particularly hard day? Do you need to talk about what happened today? We're all here for you and listening, sweetie.
Hugs to you. (((( )))))
-EoR
__________________
~Even an Eeyore needs a hug.~ (Hug Me Eeyore)
Wow... what a sad post. Did something specific happen today, or just a particularly hard day? Do you need to talk about what happened today? We're all here for you and listening, sweetie.
Hugs to you. (((( )))))
-EoR
Sorry. I guess you answered that in your last post. Must've posted just as I did. Do you need to talk about what happened 3 years ago? You may have, already, but I am relatively new here... Anyway, I have no religous opinion one way or the other, and I'd like to know if there's a way I can help... I hope you keep posting your feelings.
More hugs your way--EoR.
__________________
~Even an Eeyore needs a hug.~ (Hug Me Eeyore)
Me again--sorry. I just wanted to add, please, please, please don't try to hurt yourself! I'd be so sad if anything happened to you and I know so many other would, too. We care about you. I know it's *so* hard being in the depths of depression, but you are such a strong, amazing being. I know you can pull through this.
Be safe....
-EoR
__________________
~Even an Eeyore needs a hug.~ (Hug Me Eeyore)
Thanks so much for you offer, what happen three years ago opened my eyes to life,
true reality of this world and God, destroyed my faith. I learned some unbelievable discusting truths about my extended family and for the first time in over 30 years was forced to face the truths of my own childhood and then discovered even my own children had been subjected to the some of same abuse I had. I have forgiven them but I no longer associate witht them, I could never trust them again It's a real long story but the bottom line is my belief is God in in full control of this world and he either chooses to allows or disallow such things to occur. I still fight with the pain and hurt every day, it's just most days I can ignore it by helpping others focusing on other things. Today I just didnt have the strength to keep fighting. I should have known better than to express my feelings of depression here, no one not even different churches have every had any answers or they just didnt want to hear it. Again thanks for you offer but Ive been dealing with this pain on my own for several years and it looks like it will be an even longer time. There's really nothing no one can do. So Ill put my happy face back on keep my mouth shut about my feelings and pretend like everything is find until the next time I overload. Thanks again, K
It sounds to me like you have alot of inner strength......The past is a hard thing to let go of I agree. If having faith in God makes you feel better, than that is what you need to do. It sounds like it does. I could be wrong.
I know it is easy to blame a "god" we all have different names for our belief being...Buddha, Jesus, God, etc...
The truth is...reality that is..we were all put here to make life happen.
This is the hand we have been dealt to us for being given the gift of life. What the people do...we'll that's another trial-story for us.....It's no fault but our own. That is the world.
In my last post I mentioned it takes one person to change the world....another to follow....and another...until one day we realize we need alot more followers to make it right.
See that's where you come in. You have the control to make a difference in your life. And possibly people will be lucky enough to know you and be assisted by you also.
Days come and go thank goodness. They teach us valuable lessons that we are supposed to take with us forever.
I hope the lessons you are learning Kiehn...you hold onto as tight as you can...Someone really needs you today, tomorrow and whatever somes next....
Thanks so much for you offer, what happen three years ago opened my eyes to life,
true reality of this world and God, destroyed my faith. I learned some unbelievable discusting truths about my extended family and for the first time in over 30 years was forced to face the truths of my own childhood and then discovered even my own children had been subjected to the some of same abuse I had. I have forgiven them but I no longer associate witht them, I could never trust them again It's a real long story but the bottom line is my belief is God in in full control of this world and he either chooses to allows or disallow such things to occur. I still fight with the pain and hurt every day, it's just most days I can ignore it by helpping others focusing on other things. Today I just didnt have the strength to keep fighting. I should have known better than to express my feelings of depression here, no one not even different churches have every had any answers or they just didnt want to hear it. Again thanks for you offer but Ive been dealing with this pain on my own for several years and it looks like it will be an even longer time. There's really nothing no one can do. So Ill put my happy face back on keep my mouth shut about my feelings and pretend like everything is find until the next time I overload. Thanks again, K
Oh, sweetie, what a horrible, terrible thing to find out. I'm so, so, so incredibly sorry such awful things had to happen to you and your children. I can understand why you're in so much pain and why your faith was shattered. I think your coming here and expressing your feelings was a very appropriate thing for you to do--that's what this forum is for. As far as churches go, sometimes, I think, people just have no idea how to react to such trauma. They don't want to say the wrong things or give the wrong advice, so they simply try to just "be there," and that can look like they're being cold or uncaring. There are SO many people that care about you, starting here.
I want to relate a little story about my boyfriend. (Who else? Eesh.) When he was a teen, he had very bad acne, and for some reason, this acne left scars on his face--not like the normal crater scars bad acne leaves--but big, pink, raised scars, called keloids. Basically, it looks like he survived a fire. When we go out, people gawk. But, even worse, the scars hurt and itch, and his facial hair grows under them, making them infected. He used to ask, "Why me, God?" And, deep thinker he is, he concluded that without his scars, he probably wouldn't be such a compassionate person. He'd be less humble. He wouldn't try to reach out to others as much. Often, it seems that we who've had the worst of it, turn around to become some of societies finest people--and you are one of those people. You said so yourself, you're able to work through your pain by helping others. So, I don't know much about God, or why s/he does or doesn't do what s/he does, but I do know that I really like my boyfriend's explaination of why we're given certain crosses to bear.
I didn't actually manage to get too deep into this book, but if you have the time and energy, I strongly recommend picking up a copy of the book, "Why Bad Things Happen to Good People," by Hardold S. Kushner. Amazon gives a good summary of what it's about. I think it really pertains to how you're feeling. I hope with all my heart that you'll give it a shot. I want so badly for you to feel better.
I hope today is better for you, sweetie.
*EoR*
__________________
~Even an Eeyore needs a hug.~ (Hug Me Eeyore)
Well Im still feeling pretty down, but Im back in the ring ready to fight.
Sorry I wasnt up to replying individually yesterday it was all I could do to
keep from crying.
Sam
Thanks for your encouragment and kind words, you're right life is hard and
it does prey on the weak, dont understand why myself, but sometimes it gets
to be to much and we need to step out of the ring. I dont udnerstand why
but I know this, irregardless of how I feel I would still fight God to my death
if it means helping and caring for others. K
Syneysmommie
I agree we're all here to learn lessons, but someone or something that's in charge
of that process is also allowing innocent victims to suffer WHY. When I care, my heart is affected by all the injustice and although I cant fix it, I know something or someone can and it angers me, for thousands of years nothing has been done. I believe there is a God, I just no longer have faith or trust in him, he has turned his back on my family and I more times than I can count.
I do not understand your comment it's easier to do bad then good, maybe for some people that would certainly explain why the world is why it is. I find it easier to do what's good when it comes to others, but often it seems I pay a price or a penalty for helping others, yet I'd rather die helping and caring for the innocent, and the weak than sit back and watch them suffer. No disrepect but the only thing God has shown
me in the last several years is pain and suffering not just for myself but for millions of others as well. Every day he ALLOWS my joy to be tested and crushed and some times he suceeds. I know I dont have a chance against God but it wont stop me from fighting him and helping others because he wont. I realize those are pretty harsh words but if God really cared I would feel it in my heart, the hungry wouldnt be starving, the homeliess would have homes, the weak would fill comforted, there wuold be not abuse, rape, murders, etc, he doesnt answer prays, he doesnt do anything except watch and allow pain and suffering to occur. How sad that a God with such strength and power cares so little. K
Xpax
You're right one by one people can make a difference in this world we all have proven it right here on these boards and we support each other.
THERE IS NOT FREE CHOICE IN THIS WORLD, where was my free choice when I was being raped, or where was that babies free choice when it was being shaken to death,
where was the hostages free choice when they were shot on national TV. Where was the free choce of all the victim of Hitlers crusade, Hog wash free choice is only for the offenders, murders, rapist, etc. The innocent do not have free choice.
Where is the Love, some have lost it and others still show it by helping and caring for others but it doesnt mean they dont get down , discouraged that God cares so little for the overwheming amount of people that need help. It seems to me Jesus is going to help us live in peace and run this world, thru love, what was wrong with doing that thousand of years ago, the world wont be in the shape it is now if everyone
felt love in their heart. That's a little hard to do for some when all theyve ever know is torture, suffering, pain and that love was destroyed. That's not the fault of people that's the fault of our creator. Then God sits and comdems the very actions he allowed. Only God has the power to change the hearts of people like that and he does nothing.
Yes Im back in the ring today and fighting, ready to help someone down hearted and
suffering, just like you and many of the others here, but I will not mislead them into
thinking God cares. If he really does care there would be no reason for this board, if he really cared he would show it but he doesnt. K
Rose 5-ht
Of course I think about protecting myself andcare for myself everday. Yes I work on my self esteem and confidence. Yes I can see and acheive good things, I also see a lot of bad things that I have not control over but affects people every single day of life. What step would I take that would make my life less difficult, have a heart to heart conversation with God and ask WHY he allows such suffering, one where he actually answers me instead of ignoring me. Thanks for your concern, K
Thanks to all, like I said today was worse than normal and I cursed God all the
way home. I think he enjoys torturing me though and I imagine he finds my getting
upset and anger humorous. That only proves to me what kind of a god he really is.
To xpax, as I said I was once a devout christian I've read my bible, etc etc etc.
AS to FREE WILL where was my FREE WILL and millions of other who were mollested
and raped, phyciall and emotionally abused. Did we have free will NOOOOOOOOO!!!! only the offender did, so I no longer have faith or trust in God he lied when he said he loved and protected little chidlren. Im sure God has a place for me with all the rage and anger I spoken to him but it's not going to be with him and why would I want to anyway. As far as Im concerned he is a liar, he doesnt Love, care or protect children, the poor, the weak, the elderly. I better stop now!!!
However dispite my feeling about God it doesnt stop me from caring about people,
children, elderly. God sure as hell isnt going to to it we the people have to. God
might persucute me and I might hate him for it, but I still care and when I see them being taken advantage of I speak up and defend them. So where's this wonderful God for them, yet he always seems to be around to protect the wicked, defend the mollesters the rapist, the parent that tortures their child to death, let a murder off, allow drugs to be sold to a child. What wrong with this picture, where is this wonderful God during times like these???
Dear kiehn:
I'm sorry about taking such a religious stance in response to your post. Evil is a good thing gone bad. Bad is prevalent because it's takes less guts to do the bad thing than the good thing. One bad thing always leads to another.
I'll make a non-religious comment and hope you don't mind. I hope it will help.
This world is a fiery furnace, a refining fire to make a strong person out of that newborn we all once were. Without strife there can be no strength of overcoming. You are rightly very concerned about the innocent victims. Where was G** in my growing years when I was made mush of emotionally and physically? When I was forced into disability welfare for depression, anxiety attacks, social phobia, death thoughts, agoraphobia... I have this old computer essentially because Dell didn't bother to claim it during my bankruptcy.
I'm sorry, my mind only knows G** because that is my only lifeline in my depression. We all have our own lifelines. I accept yours please forgive mine if I have offended you. I just can't help it. G** is in my blood. I wish it was so with you so you could recover like I am. But we are all different people, yes?
We people and the devil have this world to ourselves. That is why we have the Evil and it's Victims. G** wants those who stick with him through all the s*** of this life right until we are with G** in heaven; when Good finally gets rid of Evil. Our witness at that time will show that G** is better than the Devil. We are living now in the proving ground. We Christians are as "lambs for the slaughter". Meanwhile his sorrow and wrath over our trials is being saved up for the Evil ones. Believe me, there will be an eternal punishment for them that will make all the crap and horror of our lives look trivial. And our glorious reward will console us so much that this past will be forgotten.
Love everyone, Love yourself if only for your sake, Love, xpax
you dont have to bottle up ur feelings of depression thats what places like this are for, u shouldnt have to go it alone! people, well i know i do and several others would love to be able to help u! youve offered a lot to this board. take care
Re: I hate living 
Did something specific happen today, or just a particularly hard day? Do you need to talk about what happened today? We're all here for you and listening, sweetie. 
)))))
Re: I hate living 
