| | hate my drug addicted mother!
I think this woman is by far the worst human being i have ever met in my life. Let me start by saying im a 24 year old married woman. I've been married since the age of 18 to a wonderful military member. He is by far the best person in my life and the best person I've ever known to love me completely. However lately, i've been slipping into a severe depression over the things my mother did to me when i was younger and the things she is doing now to my siblings.
First, I have 5 siblings.
A brother (who would be around 29 now but he drowned at 5 years old)
16 year old sister
7 year old brother (who was born addicted to crack)
2 year old sister (who also have complications)
31 year old sister (who's mentally slow due to being born addicted to crack)
I can honestly say I'm probably the only one who wasn't BORN with some form of horrible health stigma.
I believe my mom started using drugs intensely around 1980s, so I'm guessing thats how I slipped through the horrible being addicted ordeal. Or who knows, my family tells me I never had any physical problems. My mom has to be around 50 years old and has been using drugs half of her life. She became pregnant with my oldest sister at 16 I believe and she was also molested by my grandfather who put her out of his home at 15. All of her children have different fathers and I have NO idea who my father is. Anytime I ask her she gives a crappy vague name, that I think she makes up. I had it worst out of all my siblings because for a while I was the middle child. My 7 year old brother was born and immediately placed in an aunt's home where he's been very well taken care of. My 16 year old sister was placed in the same home when she was 5 years old and at that time I was around 13 or 14. My older sister left to leave with my grandmother at a very young age. So guess who was stuck with the abusive drug addict most of her life? Yes, me. My sister (the one who's 16) had a very close relationship when we were younger, so did my older sister and I. I was seperated from my older sister when she left to live with my grandmother...then my younger sister was born...was seperated from her when we finally got taken away from my mother. During this time I was 13 or 14 years old. I've been to more than 10 schools before the age of 13!!! My mother used to leave my younger sister and I at home alone with no food, no lights, sitting in the dark for days at a time while she went out on her crack feasts. I'd find crack pipes under my bed and if I called a relative and told them we were home alone and starving, my mom would beat me to I saw stars when she got home. So I had to endure all of this and not say a word. She never lifted me up, she always called me vulgar names and physically and mentally abused me when I was younger. She never taught me simple things about being a PERSON, she never bathed me, never fed me or anything unless we were going to a family gathering for a holiday. Then she'd try to pretend my sister and I were being taken care of. She would then embarrass me in front of my family members and friends talking about how SKINNY I was (she never fed us!) or saying my ears were dirty, but I was a kid and she never bathed me. When I was younger I remember she used to go out for days at a time and I'd find her phonebook and call around to these people as a CHILD (around 7 o 8) trying to find out where she was. I remember she hung alot with another crack addict (Charles) I'd sneak and write his number down before she left and call her on different days crying and begging for her to please come home because my younger sister and I were hungry, scared and cold. It used to be so cold in our apartment that we could literally blow "frost" out of our mouths in the mornings. You know what she'd do? She'd diguise her voice and say "this isn't Rhonda, you have the wrong number" Do you know how much that hurt me? then when I'd beg and plead and tell her I knew it was her and we were hungry and to please come home..she'd yell at me, call me all types of names(b word) and so much more and say if I called there again she would beat me when she got home(whenever that would be). Of course I wasn't going to school I was too busy mothering my sister from the age of 1-4 years old. I was mothering her, watching her, changing her and feeding her the little food we had. I was also bullied when I did go to school for being so thin and for having a mother that all the kids knew was on drugs.
This woman beat me with an extention chord because my older sister came to visit with a cousin and put me up to calling my grandmother and telling her we were hungry and we had no food. When my mom found out she beat the crap out of me for doing that. I was around 5 or 6 at this time. She made me sit in a tub of water naked and when I got out she whipped me for it.
Now as an adult I look back on everything and ball my eyes out. I am so disconnected to some people and it's hard for me to trust people. I am very paranoid about people and their actions. And I can not sleep in the dark..i was in the dark for so long as a child sitting up waiting on my mother to come home. Now this woman is almost 50 and lives with a 70 something year old man stealing his money for drugs and leaving my 2 year old sister with this old man while she go on her drug feasts. My 16 year old sister is showing a huge deal of frustration and confusion now that she's older and figuring things out. She used to be a sweet girl but now she's going downhill. My older sister is not mentally stable and she can barely read. So it appears that I am the mother figure to all of my siblings. I live in a different state with my husband and tried to get away from everything. But I feel so bad and guilty that my siblings are back in the same state with her going through this. I moved in with an aunt at 13 years old and moved out at 17 years old. Got married at 18 years old and can't hold down a job, im always depressed and my health isn't all that great. I try to be motivated for things but any little problem in my life sends me on this depressive spiral downward. To have come from a horrible life, I do(as well as others) consider myself remarkably intelligent. I've never been to college but am enrolling this fall (Pre-Law)
I feel I have an extreme burden on my shoulders as far as my siblings. My mother keeps popping out babies and basically screwing up our lives one by one and no one seems to say anything to her(my family doesn't) it's almost like they're scared of her. I truly hate her with every fiber in my body for what she's done to my mental state and the mental health of my siblings and the burden she's put on my aunts. She has no remorse for the things she's done and she doesn't try to correct them. I used to be so fearful of her growing up but since a year or so ago I have overcame that fear and would just love to beat the hell out of her. I always have dreams that Im either beating her badly or that I'm trying to kill her for some reason. And in my dream when Im beating her, it's a liberating feeling for me. Im a caring person and Im very very loyal to my friends and everyone that knows me loves me. But she is the only person I hate and wouldn't mind if they died. I can't walk around with all of this anger inside of me. I wish I could just tell her off and tell her how much she's hurting her family and how much she's already destroyed me mentally and physically. She's so ignorant and mentally GONE that she probably would yell or try to fight me if I said anything to her. She's very ghetto and ignorant. Some people are amazed that we came from the same blood. I was thinking of writing her a letter and expressing myself to her. She tries to call me and be my "friend" like she's never done anything to me in my life. I'd forgive her if she made a real effort to change for her children. But I have no respect for her because she doesn't try to change. It's been soooo long and soooo many years and Im just tired of waiting for her to change. I think she should be JAILED for the remainder of her lifetime.
There is so much more to this story....