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-   -   I've just completely given up... (http://www.healthboards.com/boards/depression/267254-ive-just-completely-given-up.html)

hailainn 03-26-2005 03:04 AM

I've just completely given up...
 
I'm a 22 year old who has suffered from depression for most of her life. My parents are seperated and so I was raised by my grandmother and mother since I was 6 years old. Around June last year my grandmother who was 58 at the time was diagnosed with cancer and given 3 months to live. This obviously worsened my depression and I lost the will to live...

My mother mentioned a spiritual healer who lived not far from us...the idea originally was for this woman to maybe help out my grandmother in some way. But when we got there she singled me out and managed to cure my depression telling me to come back 9 times. I returned to her a few more times after and she completely altered my outlook on life and my depression was no more. I realised that I was a young beautiful talented girl with a great personality who had just been wasting her life cooped up inside the house all the time with very little contact to the outside world.

From that point onwards I started dressing myself up, changed my horrible gothic like appearance, make loads of new friends, went out all the time and fell in love...

But back in October my grandmother finally died and the months that followed it really didn't seem to hit me until now. After her death my depression was on and off...there was an entire week that i couldn't go into work because of it and so my doctor diagnosed me with depression, gave me anti-depressants which made me feel a million times worse...I went back to the healer also and although I do feel better afterwards, it doesn't seem to last. I want the life that I had a while ago back and I feel like it was a completely different person who was living it. I've also been seeing a counselor and that doesn't seem to be working out either...I just feel even more sad, pathetic, useless and an extreme annoyance to everyone around me than ever. I feel like I don't even have the right to go out and party with my friends anymore or that nobody could ever like me particularly the guy I was in love with....


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