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-   -   husband wont get help with depression (http://www.healthboards.com/boards/depression/270923-husband-wont-get-help-depression.html)

randys wife 04-05-2005 11:39 AM

husband wont get help with depression
 
What can I do ? My husband wont get help for depression. He is ruining our marriage. He has had this for at least 5 years. He is making life misserable for my children and I. He is constantly blamming things that happen on me and those around him. If the car breaks down its our fault if something happens no matter what it is or how small it is, he blows it all out of porpotion. He avoids any kind of social activities. He does seem to function at work though.He is always in a bad depressed mood almost all the time. He is always saying bad things always happen to him. I went to the doctor the other day for a fall i had and was diagosed with a bruised rib.Nothing major. and he got mad because I went to the doctor. He doesn't like us driving the car unnessesarily because we will run the tires down. He is constantly going around the house and emptying trashcans. He is driving us all nuts. What can we do? He has such a dreary outlook on life with the thought that everyone is doing something against him all the time. Please help if anyone out there has had simular problem with a spouse with depression.

brett24 04-05-2005 11:49 AM

Re: husband wont get help with depression
 
i really feel for u, one of my brothers is depressed and is doing the exact same thing to his wife and kids! have u tried talking to ur husband and telling how it makes u and the children feel? if its really that bad u could try seperating for a short period of time to give urself and the children a break, this may also make ur husband realise how bad he is. why wont he go to the docs? has he given a specific reason?

u cant live ur life like this. something will give eventually, unless he gets help ur health will also suffer

Good luck and take care

Brett :angel:

Rayne2005 04-05-2005 11:56 AM

Re: husband wont get help with depression
 
My friends husband is the same way. he refuses to do anything that the doctor suggest will help him except take his meds. and he wont change his lifestyle. he is giving her a hard time by blaming it all on here.

Seperation may help if it has gotten to a point where it is affecting the children and yourself. But dont give up to soon because marriage is important. Its important to find out why he wont get help. Its sounds like he is obsessive and complusive. Maybe he is afraid of stigmas that people associate with the ilness.

summergirl05 04-05-2005 12:02 PM

Re: husband wont get help with depression
 
I really feel for you.... I know first hand how depression effects the family. My husband became the same way towards me and his children. I had just posted a note today called "Just wanted to give hope". This is what helped our family. Believe me I tried most everything before trying this.... I know its hard. I was consistently threatened with divorce and so much more.

We finally founded success with light therapy and magnesium. But your husband has to be willing to try things in order to find the right thing, no matter what it may be, in order to make things better... It took my husband a suicide attempt, before a wakeup call came thru for him to let me help him get thru this. I pray that this is not the case for you. Try to sit one on one with your husband when the children are in bed and see if he is willing to try some other options... therapy, magnesium, etc. Brett is right, you and your children can't continue to live like this. It does effect the children, mine are still healing from the ordeal that they went thru. Try to resort to meds last.... there are so many other options out there available to try first.

Good Luck and God Bless..... :angel:

RedandRed 04-05-2005 12:03 PM

Re: husband wont get help with depression
 
Dear RW:

I went through the same thing and am sorrier than I can express for your situation. It's very hard to get another person to do anything. Think of yourself and your children first. Find a support group if one is in your area; they're invaluable.

The only way I got my husband to therapy and meds was through three (count them, 3!!!) horrific interventions and the threat of divorce. It was awful! Still, five years later, he is almost well and thanks me for having forced him (through not for threatening divorce).

He goes to therapy like clockwork and is better all the time. He is again the joy of my life. THERE IS HOPE, but you may have to get tough first, and it may get worse before it gets better.

Lots of hugs and best wishes, T.

Kymberlee 04-05-2005 06:19 PM

Re: husband wont get help with depression
 
Hey,there! Do I ever KNOW how you are feeling! My husband has had depression for years. He's been on and off meds. and he has made our lives surreal. :eek: He is now on meds. but I feel he is still depressed. He still threatens me with divorce and sayes he doesn't love me anymore. We haven't had sex for 6 months. He travels alot for his job (which is good for us.) He is very worried about the cleaning of the house all the time. He wants everything "perfect" clean, which drives me totally nuts. Now I just have one cleaning day, do the cleaning, and have told him if it's not good enough, he can clean it himself. The last time he told me he wanted a divorce, I told him, "Well, that's up to you. I'm not going anywhere. Let me know what you plan to do." He then backed down and didn't file or talk about divorce again. He makes a HUGE deal out of everything and has a "dent" in his head most of the time. Told me that the depression is MY fault. Makes me like a total incapable wife. There are many times I have thought of leaving him, but I take my marriage vows to heart and am a Christian. We have one little boy, age 5. He is my whole life. Hang in there and remember that you are NOT alone. Keep posting here--you'll get tons of support & understanding. BIG HUG to you and I pray that God's face will shine on you and your family. Be Strong, girlfriend! :D


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