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Old 04-05-2005, 10:55 PM   #1
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Question Abandoned by family?

Hi, I'm asking this question again, as I'd appreciate more opinions and anecdotes. (Rayne was kind enough to write me at some length on this.) I feel that only by reading others' stories will I get over this; it isn't really something that is cured in therapy.

Have any of you been abandoned by family members? I was.

My sister (who's had depression as well) makes derisive comments about it in front of me--but because she resents me from childhood (has me confused with my mother).

My brother acknowledges I've been sick but distanced himself and refused to have anything to do with me. Strange: our mother committed suicide, so I wonder how he turned his back on me when I needed him most.

My uncle and aunt accused me of lying and are now furious because I am on disability!

I truly would appreciate your comments and help.

Thanks so much, T.


 
Old 04-05-2005, 11:27 PM   #2
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Please Help!!

PS: I do hope some of you will respond to this posting. I truly look forward to reading anecdotes as I feel very weird and intellectually know I can't be the only person in this situation.

Thanks to anyone who will help.

 
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Old 04-06-2005, 05:39 AM   #3
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Re: Abandoned by family?

morning redandred, yes i can relate to you. not only family members staying away, i have no friends any more. well, some that live a long ways from me. it's not i think that they don't like us anymore. they don't understand. it does seem like everyone dissappers on us. but they think we can snap out of it. as you know we can't. mine is a chemical inbalance. among other mess. PTSD, panic attacks, and a few others. i get frustrated to red. i know it hurts and you feel alone. well i do. i'm new on this board. i was on another one. yaw seem nice here. so i'll be around. i hope you can accept that they just can't understand us. i'm sorry your hurting.

 
Old 04-06-2005, 07:55 AM   #4
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Re: Abandoned by family?

Hi Tiny Bug:

Gosh, I'm sorry you're going through this as well. I can understand why people can't deal with us--that's easy. They believe our odd (and often bad) behavior is a character flaw, not the symptom of an illness. Would people disappear from someone's life because he or she threw up?

What I don't get is what possible reason blood relatives would shun a person who, years later, has largely recovered. Is it their own guilt? Are they still haunted by our behavior?

TB: I have PTSD too. It's a long road, but very, very possible to do. Thanks for your reply and your sympathy. My hope for you is that you get better and stronger.

 
Old 04-06-2005, 08:09 AM   #5
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Re: Abandoned by family?

thank you red. i uselly try to live day by day. sometimes hour or even minute by minute. i wish i knew what to tell you about family. it's like they are scared they will catch it or something. i have found my best support on the depression forum for the past 2 years. now i'm trying this one out. so far yaw sound nice. thank you. i'll try to be here for you. forgive me if i can't all the time. remember i'm battling demons to.

 
Old 04-06-2005, 08:28 AM   #6
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Re: Abandoned by family?

TB: You are indeed battling demons, but if you are as nice to yourself as you have been to me, I have no doubt you will win the battles adn the war.

 
Old 04-06-2005, 01:04 PM   #7
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Re: Abandoned by family?

Quote:
Originally Posted by RedandRed
Hi, I'm asking this question again, as I'd appreciate more opinions and anecdotes. (Rayne was kind enough to write me at some length on this.) I feel that only by reading others' stories will I get over this; it isn't really something that is cured in therapy.

Have any of you been abandoned by family members? I was.

My sister (who's had depression as well) makes derisive comments about it in front of me--but because she resents me from childhood (has me confused with my mother).

My brother acknowledges I've been sick but distanced himself and refused to have anything to do with me. Strange: our mother committed suicide, so I wonder how he turned his back on me when I needed him most.

My uncle and aunt accused me of lying and are now furious because I am on disability!

I truly would appreciate your comments and help.

Thanks so much, T.

I will be very grateful to anyone who answers this post. I'm working through this and find I have the need to know I'm not the only person who's gone through this, and to read anecdotes.

 
Old 04-06-2005, 02:04 PM   #8
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Re: Abandoned by family?

sounds like a bunch of jerks, if thats how they want it theirs nothing you can do. just buy a pet, or make some friends, i dont know what to tell you, except if my family did that to me, i wouldnt take it, but thats just me.

 
Old 04-06-2005, 03:14 PM   #9
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Re: Abandoned by family?

hi tidus, i'm new here. but you were saying you wouldn't take it. are you depressed? it's hurtful and makes you sometimes even more depressed, when people treat you this way. sometimes a person has noone and feels so alone. i'm hoping for better days, for you to tidus.

 
Old 04-06-2005, 03:40 PM   #10
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Re: Abandoned by family?

Family is definately not my support system. I become extremely depressed when I think about this too much. Some days I dont mind that my family ignores me and doesnt include me in family events. Although, other times it breaks my heart to peices. One time that really hurt was when my aunt and her fiancee decided to marry--they invited the family to go to Mexico and attend the ceremony. My sister, my mother, her sisters got invited, her best friends, her fiancees grown children. Guess what, I got invited to take care of their house and their dogs while they were away in Mexico having fun. It ****** me off.But guess what, I did housesit for them and cared for their dogs. A few years later, I see pictures of the wedding at my mothers house all hanging on her walls in the living room and its my aunts wedding pictures from Mexico. In the pictures everyone is smiling and having a blast, a little tipsy and having a blast, and everyone is huggy and look so loving. My sister is hugging my mother, my aunt is hugging my sister--just looks like a big happy family. My mother points out the pictures every now and then. I just shrug it off to her face, but deep down I feel betrayed and unwelcomed, and snubbed. Sadly, this is just one of the stories I can tell you--there are many more. I have never gotten crazy or out of hand with my family, but also have never met up to their expectations about success--career etc. (although I am a very hard worker and like my job.) I also dont have the foil frosted hair and glamorous shoes from Pennys, nor do I go to the Bon to get my make up. But, thats just me.....I like me, even though they dont.

 
Old 04-06-2005, 07:01 PM   #11
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Re: Abandoned by family?

Dear Woodfaery:

My god, that's just horrible behavior. I'm so sorry your family is acting like that toward you: it's not right, nor is it the way any family member ought to behave toward another. I'm feeling slightly better about this, particularly as I'm truly verifying what I knew--that this did not happen only to me.

I went to a support group tonight and told my story. A woman offered her condolences and I think that's what I needed also. When you lose someone, well, it's a loss. Condolences are in order, as is some sort of making sense of things.

When people behave in this manner, I was told, it may be that they think the disease is catching or that one is "trouble." This seems to make sense to me. Would that they knew just how brave and capable I am, and how I have come through an ordeal that would have felled many other people.

Well, they don't. Neither, WF, does your family. I'm very sorry to read about their abominable actions. They obviously don't take into consideration that you work, you go on under the most difficult of circumstances, that you ARE more successful than they can possibly imagine. They are losing out on a lot by not knowing you for who you are.

To pat myself on the back, my own family is also losing out: they can't possibly imagine what sort of ordeals I have surpassed. So they're not proud? Too bad. Frankly, I'm not so very proud of the uncle and aunt I mentioned. He knew he was selling toxic chemicals when he worked, and did it anyway. Is that something to be proud of? At least I can say I never sold out like that or hurt a huge amount of people knowingly just to make money.

Thanks to all of you who responded. Yes, I am hurting, and I know it's normal and part of loss. It's helping to find sympathy, though.

 
Old 04-06-2005, 07:14 PM   #12
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Re: Abandoned by family?

Quote:
Originally Posted by tinybug
hi tidus, i'm new here. but you were saying you wouldn't take it. are you depressed? it's hurtful and makes you sometimes even more depressed, when people treat you this way. sometimes a person has noone and feels so alone. i'm hoping for better days, for you to tidus.
Thanks Tinybug! It helps to read that this is hurtful. Otherwise, I'd be trying to talk myself out of it.

Tidus, if you are able to chuck people like that, you've got some sort of inner strength that I wish I had. How did you find it?

 
Old 04-06-2005, 10:53 PM   #13
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Re: Abandoned by family?

RedandRed
Thanks for posting, and also thanks for responding to my post. You know what I think--we are all strong people here and have so much to offer this world. Not too long ago I was talking to a friend of mine who is working with Bipolar Depression--and it completely came to me as this realization that we are all so amazing, so brave and with this bravery and new understandings, much more equipped than some to just really look at things for the way they are--not blindly, but openly. Openly and with open arms to embrace and learn and love experiences and people who come along this lifes never dull moment of a journey.
You are all in my prayers, and thank you again so much for caring back.
Woodfaery

 
Old 04-07-2005, 05:07 AM   #14
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Re: Abandoned by family?

Quote:
Originally Posted by woodfaery
RedandRed
Thanks for posting, and also thanks for responding to my post. You know what I think--we are all strong people here and have so much to offer this world. Not too long ago I was talking to a friend of mine who is working with Bipolar Depression--and it completely came to me as this realization that we are all so amazing, so brave and with this bravery and new understandings, much more equipped than some to just really look at things for the way they are--not blindly, but openly. Openly and with open arms to embrace and learn and love experiences and people who come along this lifes never dull moment of a journey.
You are all in my prayers, and thank you again so much for caring back.
Woodfaery
Dear Woodfaery:

Yes, indeed. We are forced to look at things and not turn away; otherwise we'd be dead. As to the people who turn their backs on us: I guess I'm beginning to understand this more. Not that their actions are justified, though.

I'm holding a little funeral for my lost family -- perhaps that will help me along even more. Really, when people die, you have a funeral, people express condolences, and that institution helps people to mourn. So, when people leave you, a funeral is in order too. From now on, any of my friends who breaks up, gets divorced, etc., I'm offering more than the usual "I'm sorry." I'll actually offer condolences.

This morning was the first in a few weeks where I woke up feeling sort of good and cared for. All of your comments helped, as did the support group I went to last night. Thanks for caring. This is helping a lot.

 
Old 04-07-2005, 05:43 AM   #15
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Re: Abandoned by family?

Hey there RedandRed

I had a REALLY bad session at an anger management workshop last night, so right now I dont feel like getting into all my family details (it'll make me more upset). But I just wanted you to know I can completely relate, and you are not alone.

I will write more when I am feeling better cuz I understand you want to hear other ppl's stories, but for now you can read my other posts if you want- I think my very first one was about my mum and me cutting her out of my life. I didnt write anything there about her not understanding my bulimia or depression- but she didnt at all- she asked me once "cant you just snap out of it?"

Anyways, pls dont feel alone... you're not.

Take care of yourself
Becky

 
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