sourgirl29

When I was younger, I had terrible depression, so I got treatment for it. I was put on Paxil. Well, I went from being a skinny girl of 110 lbs (without trying) to weighing 183 lbs. in one year. Because I didn't know the meds had caused the weight gain, I developed an eating disorder. Because of the eating disorder, I stopped seeing my psych and consequently got off meds. Even with the eating disorder, it took me a year to lose all that weight, but I still thought I was fat so I kept going. I got down to a little under 100 lbs. (I'm 5'7 BTW) before a friend became alarmed and begged me to see my psychiatrist again (especially after I told her I still felt fat even though I was wasting away). The psych told me the meds were the reason why I gained so much weight so fast and told me that I could resume healthy eating and keep a healthy weight if I stay off the meds. She assured me with therapy, a good diet, and exercise program, I would be feeling better and wouldn't need meds again. It worked and I stayed at a healthy 130 - 135 lbs for many years. That was until two years ago when I became severely depressed again and had no choice but to get back on meds. I was ASSURED that the current meds out there do not cause the same weight gain as the older meds. At first, that was true. I responded well to the combination of Zoloft and Seroquel and only gained a couple of pounds. I wasn't alarmed at all. But then 6 months down the road, the Zoloft stopped working and I was put on Paxil CR and Seroquel. Again, I was PROMISED that Paxil CR is not like regular Paxil and that the incidents of weight gain were minimal. THAT WAS A LIE! I gained 15 lbs in less than a MONTH! I went from a healthy 135 to 150 in a month! So I immediately took myself off the Paxil CR and stayed only on Seroquel, because AGAIN, I was told Seroquel doesn't cause the same weight gain as Zyprexa or some of the others. And I was only taking it for SLEEP...I'm not bipolar or schizophrenic! Well, after a year of being only on Seroquel, exercising like a maniac and eating a low fat diet, I am still creeping up in weight and now weight 165 lbs. I took myself off the Seroquel last week. I am obssessed with my weight again. I have even started trying to starve myself again, but I haven't been as successful this time because I don't have the same willpower I had when I was younger. I am over 30 now so I know losing this weight is going to be that much harder. I am scared. I actually WANT an eating disorder now and I think like someone who is deep in the sickness. I avoid people because I don't want them to think I'm "fat". I get so scared when people who haven't seen me in a while see me again because I can see in their faces that they are shocked to see me heavy again. I know this may sound trivial to some people, and I am not trying to be offensive to people who are overweight. But to me this is a big deal because I have battled with an eating disorder before so even if my weight sounds "normal" to some, to me, I am HUGE and there's nothing anyone can say that will make me think otherwise. Anyway, what can I do to lose this weight? Now that I am over 30, how long will it take for this weight to drop? What do I do about my depression since now the eating disorder has taken over and I am consumed with that? I am so confused, so hurt, so scared!!! Anyone else out there go through this? How am I supposed to get help for one thing when the cure causes another disease to pop up????