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Old 06-17-2005, 06:58 PM   #1
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Samantha317 HB User
Does anyone here REALLY Understand?

I have been suffering from recurrent major depression for many years now. I am on medications; Effexor, Wellbutrin and Klonopin (clonazepam). I am seeing a psychiatrist and a therapist. I have lost almost everything because of my depression. I have lost my home, my job, my insurance and what so called friends I had. I have been hospitalized more times than I can remember for safety reasons.

I have reached a point where I really find it hard to have hope. I come here to this forum and read about other's problems and their struggles. I usually try to respond as positively as I can.

I have been reading most of the posts for the last several days and I don't feel that I can relate to them. I am not putting anyone down or implying that my problems are worse than anyone else's problems. When "my" problem is happening it is very real to me as I am sure your problems are to you.

I am trying to get some perspective on my situation and my life, such as it is right now. I am not sure what it is that I am even asking help with. I just feel that I am alone, isolated and beyond help.

I am in a really severe state of depression, I am just existing. I don't want to get out and go anywhere unless I am forced to do so, and then I still don't want to. I am not able to work right now, I am barely able to function right now.

Is there anyone that can relate to this? Has there been anyone that has been where they have lost everything due to their depression?

Thank you for your replies in advance.
Sam

 
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Old 06-17-2005, 07:15 PM   #2
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bleedingsoul88 HB User
Unhappy Re: Does anyone here REALLY Understand?

I'm very sorry to hear that you are struggling so bad. I just want you to know that you are not alone.

I have too lost my job, because I suffer panic attacks on the job. I also have lost dozens of friends because they have gotten frustrated with me. My family is also pulling away from me, like I'm diseased. I currently live with my parents, otherwise I would also have no home.

I suffer from diagnosed clinical depression, generalized anxiety, OCD, self-injury, social phobia, suicide attempts, hypothyroidism, anemia, acute and chronic tendonitis, mild arthritis, TMJ, sinusitis, allergies, and have also had my gallbladder out.

I also suffer from depersonalization, dettachment, panic attacks, confusion, and lack of awareness of my surroundings. I often forget where I am and have developed severe paranoia about people around me.

I have been hospitalized for suicide attempts and also stayed at a treatment hospital for a week for my safety.

I am currently taking Lexapro, but still feel like crap all of the time. I'm afraid to leave the house due to my phobia, and often isolate myself from people, even though I really want to be with them.

I really do suffer and completely understand your predicament. I always feel hopeless and have gotten to the point where I don't even really care anymore. If you ever want to talk, please feel free to email me at [ please carefully review the posting rules - no emails ] I would love to do my best to help you, or at least listen. I always have time to listen.

Please take care, and be strong...



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Last edited by moderator2; 06-18-2005 at 05:47 AM. Reason: please carefully review the posting rules

 
Old 06-18-2005, 10:30 AM   #3
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kerry1 HB User
Re: Does anyone here REALLY Understand?

No, I haven't gotten that low, but I'm always AFRAID I will. I can be fine for years, then CRASH! I think a lot of depressed people are afraid of the future, that something will send them into a downward spiral. I may not be as low are you are now, but I think I have a glimpse of understanding.

 
Old 06-18-2005, 01:55 PM   #4
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EoR HB User
Re: Does anyone here REALLY Understand?

((((((((((((((((((((((((((SAM))))))))))) )))))))))))))))))

Oh, my sweetest Sam, how sad it is to come here and read this. I don't know what it's like to be where you're at, but it's never too late to get it back, sweetie. You don't have to stay at this point for the rest of your life. You can still pull out of it. You're doing the meds and the theapy, and someday, you're going to feel well again and you'll reclaim your life--I know you will. You are not alone or beyond help. You have us, and though it may just seem like words on a screen, we're real people, with real concern, who REALLY care and love you! And I, for one, plan to walk with you every way of this journey, if you'll have me. You'll never lose me, unless you want to. You're one of the biggest reasons I visit this board, and I honestly don't know what I would've done some days without your reassurance. I need you, Sam, and so many others do, too--like your children! Please, please, please do not give up hope! Just because I don't know what it feels like to be where you're at right now, doesn't mean that I don't feel for you and want to do everything I can to help. Things will change for you. You will be happy again. And, you are LOVED.

And if "just existing" means coming here and helping others see the brighter side of life, then I am glad you are managing that much. I'm so sorry you are feeling this way. I'm sending you many, many hugs, lots of 's, and my prayers and love.

EoR is throwing her arms around you and sqeezing tight. It'll get better, "Mom."

Hugs, hugs, and more hugs,
Love,
EoR

Quote:
Originally Posted by Samantha317
I have been suffering from recurrent major depression for many years now. I am on medications; Effexor, Wellbutrin and Klonopin (clonazepam). I am seeing a psychiatrist and a therapist. I have lost almost everything because of my depression. I have lost my home, my job, my insurance and what so called friends I had. I have been hospitalized more times than I can remember for safety reasons.

I have reached a point where I really find it hard to have hope. I come here to this forum and read about other's problems and their struggles. I usually try to respond as positively as I can.

I have been reading most of the posts for the last several days and I don't feel that I can relate to them. I am not putting anyone down or implying that my problems are worse than anyone else's problems. When "my" problem is happening it is very real to me as I am sure your problems are to you.

I am trying to get some perspective on my situation and my life, such as it is right now. I am not sure what it is that I am even asking help with. I just feel that I am alone, isolated and beyond help.

I am in a really severe state of depression, I am just existing. I don't want to get out and go anywhere unless I am forced to do so, and then I still don't want to. I am not able to work right now, I am barely able to function right now.

Is there anyone that can relate to this? Has there been anyone that has been where they have lost everything due to their depression?

Thank you for your replies in advance.
Sam
__________________
~Even an Eeyore needs a hug.~ (Hug Me Eeyore)

 
Old 06-18-2005, 02:38 PM   #5
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oeee HB User
Re: Does anyone here REALLY Understand?

Nobody can totally understand anyone else's predicament- that is part of being human. And it sucks, because feeling like no one can understand you, well...it is very isolating to say the least. I suffer from chronic excruciating pain- lupus induced- and i feel unlike everyone I meet and talk to. No one can feel my pain- I alone must live in this body. But you should know that although no one can or will ever completely understand, they can lend their support, help you, let you know that they care and want to help you- and sometimes, not always, you will find that that is enough. Being human is a very isolating existence- but the more open you become- the less alone you will feel- good luck. I know how hard it has been for me and I imagine that you are going through something similar and I hope you find something or what it is that you are looking for. Just know, that although people can't feel your pain, they can want to help- and their desire to help is the biggest compliment of all. Good luck.

 
Old 06-18-2005, 03:23 PM   #6
Senior Veteran
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Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: NC, USA
Posts: 1,610
Samantha317 HB User
Re: Does anyone here REALLY Understand?

Hi Bleedingsoul
Thank you so much for your concern and willingness to be here for me. It sounds like you have been through a whole lot of pain during your life. It is so sad that you have had to endure that pain and I hope for both of us we have many brighter days ahead. Thank you for understanding. My words can not express how much I do appreciate your compassion.

Hi Kerry
Thank you so much for trying to understand and even though you may have not been as low as I have I think you do understand. Your concern and compassion mean a lot to me.

Best wishes and heartfelt hugs,
Sam

Last edited by Samantha317; 06-18-2005 at 03:28 PM.

 
Old 06-18-2005, 04:02 PM   #7
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Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: NC, USA
Posts: 1,610
Samantha317 HB User
Re: Does anyone here REALLY Understand?

Quote:
Originally Posted by EoR
((((((((((((((((((((((((((SAM))))))))))) )))))))))))))))))

Oh, my sweetest Sam, how sad it is to come here and read this. I don't know what it's like to be where you're at, but it's never too late to get it back, sweetie. You don't have to stay at this point for the rest of your life. You can still pull out of it. You're doing the meds and the theapy, and someday, you're going to feel well again and you'll reclaim your life--I know you will. You are not alone or beyond help. You have us, and though it may just seem like words on a screen, we're real people, with real concern, who REALLY care and love you! And I, for one, plan to walk with you every way of this journey, if you'll have me. You'll never lose me, unless you want to. You're one of the biggest reasons I visit this board, and I honestly don't know what I would've done some days without your reassurance. I need you, Sam, and so many others do, too--like your children! Please, please, please do not give up hope! Just because I don't know what it feels like to be where you're at right now, doesn't mean that I don't feel for you and want to do everything I can to help. Things will change for you. You will be happy again. And, you are LOVED.

And if "just existing" means coming here and helping others see the brighter side of life, then I am glad you are managing that much. I'm so sorry you are feeling this way. I'm sending you many, many hugs, lots of 's, and my prayers and love.

EoR is throwing her arms around you and sqeezing tight. It'll get better, "Mom."

Hugs, hugs, and more hugs,
Love,
EoR
Hi Eor
What are you doing here on a Saturday? I thought you would be out with your family going to see a movie or just hanging out. I sure am glad you decided to stop by. You silly; of course I will have you! I wouldn't know what to do without you either. I am not going to give up. I really really feel like that is the only option I have....but, I know deep down it is not. I can't give up now. I may be low but I haven't been beaten. I must confess I have had some pretty rough days that have turned into weeks lately. I am confused whether or not I need to change meds, go off meds completely, try alternative treatments, etc. I just know I feel really low and I am just existing. I want to be independent and out making money and trying new things. I hate feeling like this. I have tried to get up early for 2 weeks now so I can go try to get some financial aid with my meds. I haven't been able to get out of the bed. I have been out of stomach meds now for over 2 weeks. I am talking about Nexium the strong stuff. I have not been able to eat unless I get so nauseated from the food that I have to take an anti nausea pill. That knocks me out and then I sleep. Blah, Blah, Blah!

Thank you so much for the hugs and the love. It really makes me feel better knowing that there are people (real people) that care and understand. You may not have been where I am but, I think you understand. I feel so isolated from the depression and at that moment I feel like no one could possibly understand or even relate. But, I know that you care and I thank you very much for that compassion. I need that care and compassion. I have needed it more frequently these past few weeks. I appreciate everyone that has replied and even if you just stopped by and didn't know what to say...I have been there too.

Love and many heartfelt hugs,
Sam

 
Old 06-18-2005, 04:10 PM   #8
Senior Veteran
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Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: NC, USA
Posts: 1,610
Samantha317 HB User
Re: Does anyone here REALLY Understand?

Quote:
Originally Posted by oeee
Nobody can totally understand anyone else's predicament- that is part of being human. And it sucks, because feeling like no one can understand you, well...it is very isolating to say the least. I suffer from chronic excruciating pain- lupus induced- and i feel unlike everyone I meet and talk to. No one can feel my pain- I alone must live in this body. But you should know that although no one can or will ever completely understand, they can lend their support, help you, let you know that they care and want to help you- and sometimes, not always, you will find that that is enough. Being human is a very isolating existence- but the more open you become- the less alone you will feel- good luck. I know how hard it has been for me and I imagine that you are going through something similar and I hope you find something or what it is that you are looking for. Just know, that although people can't feel your pain, they can want to help- and their desire to help is the biggest compliment of all. Good luck.
Hi Oeee
I am so sorry that you have to suffer with Lupus. My heart goes out to you. You very beautifully stated our struggles as human beings. Thank you for your kind and compassionate words. Your heartfelt compassion means a great deal to me, words can not express all they do mean. Good luck to you!

Best wishes and many heartfelt hugs,
Sam

 
Old 06-18-2005, 07:03 PM   #9
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Join Date: Jun 2005
Posts: 621
lostangel HB User
Re: Does anyone here REALLY Understand?

Dear Sam,
Would you accept a warm hug from a stranger? I just discovered this forum, and I couldn't help but want to hug you.
Hang in there.
Angel.

 
Old 06-18-2005, 09:26 PM   #10
Senior Veteran
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Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: NC, USA
Posts: 1,610
Samantha317 HB User
Re: Does anyone here REALLY Understand?

Quote:
Originally Posted by lostangel
Dear Sam,
Would you accept a warm hug from a stranger? I just discovered this forum, and I couldn't help but want to hug you.
Hang in there.
Angel.
Hi Lostangel,
I would be honored to get a hug from you. Thank you for stopping by to give me a much needed warm and friendly message. Welcome to the boards and thanks for the well wishes.

Best wishes and hugs,
Sam

 
Old 06-20-2005, 01:45 PM   #11
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Join Date: Jun 2005
Posts: 621
lostangel HB User
Re: Does anyone here REALLY Understand?

Dear Sam,
Just wanted to say I was thinking of you and sending you warm thoughts,
and hugs,
and hopes for a sunny day,
Angel.

 
Old 06-20-2005, 02:29 PM   #12
Senior Veteran
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Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: NC, USA
Posts: 1,610
Samantha317 HB User
Re: Does anyone here REALLY Understand?

Quote:
Originally Posted by lostangel
Dear Sam,
Just wanted to say I was thinking of you and sending you warm thoughts,
and hugs,
and hopes for a sunny day,
Angel.
Hi Angel
Awwww that is so sweet of you. Thank you so very much for the warm thoughts and hugs. I wish the very same for you! It has been a beautiful sunny day, today.

Best wishes and many heartfelt hugs,
Sam

 
Old 06-20-2005, 03:24 PM   #13
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janders HB User
Re: Does anyone here REALLY Understand?

I tend to think that when it gets this far, one of the only things that will help is to have some sort of an adventure. Go sky diving, climb a mountain, travel somewhere you could imagine yourself going, or even somewhere you couldn't imagine yourself being. Do the things you always wanted to do as a child, better if they're spontaneous. Explore a different you. This is probably only a temporary fix, but I have found that it helps to put things in perspective. Be careful if you do this though. Spontaneity is not the same as insanity. Just a few suggestions.

 
Old 06-21-2005, 10:54 AM   #14
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18or20yrs2live HB User
Re: Does anyone here REALLY Understand?

Yeah the "just existing" thing, my sister and I call it "coasting" and we were coasting for years. That is before she got better. At least you're in the stage where part of you is searching for help, part of you still has hope. Stick with that part. You are not alone! Okay, so I can't compete with you in the medicine arena, but I can offer you some advice. Phebe (my sister) made it because she had me with her, do you have someone else you can share your depression with. I know, you might think this advice is cheap because I'm new and I've offered it to other people. But that's because it works.

Do you have any siblings? Any cousins? Anyone that can visit you, stay and talk with you for hours, every day, someone that understands you?

My sister and I read each other's thoughts, finished sentances, and even walked into a room humming the same song! You need someone like that, someone who communicates with there feelings and not their words. Someone who hates cliches, talks to you in a straightforward manner and can cry with you when your upset.

Loosing you job, friends, everything, is normal on a coast. The trick is to find something you enjoy and latch onto it. What do you read? Do you like art? What do you listen to? Once you find someone to steady yourself, you'll need a niche that you love to be able to ease yourself off of them and become independant.

You can beat depression back with a stick if you've got the right one. Don't blame things, change things. Use your desperate situation to kick yourself into high gear. Start by finding a sibling or a cousin or a friend-beware of this option, friends and boyfriends can dump you, then work on finding a niche.

 
Old 06-21-2005, 11:13 AM   #15
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Location: NC, USA
Posts: 1,610
Samantha317 HB User
Re: Does anyone here REALLY Understand?

Quote:
Originally Posted by janders
I tend to think that when it gets this far, one of the only things that will help is to have some sort of an adventure. Go sky diving, climb a mountain, travel somewhere you could imagine yourself going, or even somewhere you couldn't imagine yourself being. Do the things you always wanted to do as a child, better if they're spontaneous. Explore a different you. This is probably only a temporary fix, but I have found that it helps to put things in perspective. Be careful if you do this though. Spontaneity is not the same as insanity. Just a few suggestions.
Hi Janders
Great suggestion! I have been trying to get away for at least a couple of days. When I do get the time "in between appointments" I can't get the energy to go. I understand what you mean about the insanity. Insanity seems to be my norm now. Thanks for your reply and great suggestions.

Best wishes,
Sam

 
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