You are far from pathetic. I was excited and still am that your back. Iím so sorry that youíre so sad right now. I have told you once before that you too feel so much more than most and that can make you and some of us more special.
As far as my doctor. He is one of those people in this world who is considered normal today. The smile and his arrogant self centered I, Me My attitude. He believes wile I help pay for his many vacations every month and Mercedes # 3 in the garage that he is so much better than me who looks to him for help. Sorry but I still have a lot of trouble with these type of normal people. Not because of what they have but for what they can be sometimes. Believe me I relate and like people who are more humbled by misfortunes better. All these things help to affirm religion in action. I read once somewhere an important note about the birth of Christ. When he was born on the first Christmas only two types of people were there to see it. The wise men and the shepherds. The learned and the ignorant. Those who knew they didnít know anything and those who were wise enough to know they didnít know everything. Everyone else was looking but could not find him. Why? Everyone else was too proud and arrogant too stoop down and go into a stable cave to find him. Divinity is always found in a place were one least expects to find it. I also believe that it is found in some people that way as well.
I can relate to how bad and hopeless you feel for your friend. I have felt that hopeless way so many times in my life. I went one step further and wished that or preferred myself having the illness to watching those you love from having it. With that I say be careful what you wish for. Yes I still would rather see me with it than others I love but am now facing the same monster that took and made my mom suffer for years. I still accept it fully. I do expect to still be here for years to come. This thing, though aggressive is controllable because unlike mom we now know the enemy. Thatís why I cannot accept any doctors that canít take my treatments seriously. I donít want you to be upset for me. I will be O.K. I am also here for you and others here to the best of my capacity. Others including you all share with me and give me light too.
Angel, Donít sell yourself too short. You may not feel it now but God has a very important plan for you. I can feel it!!!
I have to go for now artist formally known as "new friend". LOL!!!
I'm feeling better--finally got a bit of rest, and things are winding down for the night... (meaning, I'll have a bit of time to myself) My sick friend and her mom are into crocheting at the times of calm in between the storms, so, after watching those two going at it, I got this odd urge to crochet, too. I haven't done it in a long time, mainly because it's so time-consuming, but now I've decided to give it a try when I'm watching TV--perhaps it will help me to settle down and be more peaceful again. (if it doesn't cramp up my wrists, lol) Besides, it would be nice to produce a beautiful piece of... I don't know... home decor--a doily or something small and delicate like that. Sure beats upping my Lexapro--something I'm afraid I may have to do.
By the way, I meant to ask you about your meds--are you on any antidepressants? I imagine taking drugs, in your particular case, is a tricky thing--you've already mentioned you can't take pain killers ... Are ADs an option for you?
I completely agree with you about the faulty sense of self-satisfaction due to financial success. It pains me to think that doctors like yours are smug even though they essentially make their fortune upon the suffering of others. It's even more sad than the snobs who get wealthy in impersonal business. In fact, I have nothing against wealthy people per se; I have little respect for the air of superiority, whether it stems from wealth or any other achievement. Such people don't anger but rather amuse me--not, however, when I have to depend on them for something. It's more fun to watch from the distance--meaning when they are showing off but hold no real power over me! In so many cases, and yours is one of them, the snob is spreading his peacock tail before the really special human being... And I don't want this special person to be hurt. You know your worth, and the worth of god's creatures isn't calculated in numbers of fancy vacations and Mercedeces (I don't even know how to spell it!). You are so right about the ability to see the divine. Arrogance is blind.
Er, what was that 'bout 'artist'? You haven't seen my attempt at drawing a squirrel for my daughter a few months ago! After that, my artistic services were no longer requested.
I used to crochet when I was a little kid. My grandmother taught me. I never did much with it except drive my mom nuts steeling all her yarn. Mom also did all those tiny doilies for a wile out of white string and tiny hooks. Anyway I made a few of those same weaved strips and never seemed to go any further back then. I called them bookmarkers. LOL!!! Hey, maybe itís a sign that theirs a new book out there that was meant for you to read???
John, I am so sooo sorry for your pain and for all you are going through!!!! Sometimes it's so hard to read messages on here because it just breaks my heart what people are going through and I wish so much that I could fix it or help somehow make things better ~ it just doesn't seem fair what you are going through and have had to go through the past year, but I am glad you have faith in God! I hope and pray for things to get better for you!
Just finished reading the rest of this thread ~ I am so sorry you cant take any pain meds!!! Is that forever or just for awhile? Does the chemo make you nauseous? I just tried going off Lexapro for a few weeks this past month (didn't work, had to go back on it) and I felt SO nauseous the whole time ~ I hate that feeling ~ Hope you arent feeling nauseous too! I agree with you and Angel about your doctor (grrrr) ~ people who think they are better than everyone else are not my favorite people!!! I really really wish we could do something to make your pain go away!!!
Angel, I'm so sorry you are feeling so sad too!!! I'm praying for you and your friend also, poor thing!
No all these meds and chemoís are pretty rough. The one that they are really making a big deal about is Interferon. I need to inject it myself every other day. It is used for several types of Cancer but is also used a lot for Hepatitis patients. Most people are only on it around 6 months and then all done. Seems Iím supposed to be on it for good. Problem is that it has so many side effects and so do all my other drugs that resemble my disease progression that nobody knows for sure what is happening.
Along with some other pretty bad personal things that went wrong today concerning moms house and lawyers. I have formally been turned away by 2 of the new doctors I have been looking over. After reviewing my records, files and films they have found it in their best interest to throw me back like a hot potato. I have become accustom to that by now but it doesnít do a lot for my security. I will shut up now and change the subject. Tomorrow I find another potential doctor to review me.
I'm very sorry that today was a bad day all around.
Psalm 46:1 God is our refuge and strenght in time of trouble,
A very persent help in time of trouble.
Psalm 145:19-20a He will fulfill the desire of those who fear Him He will also hear their cry and will save them. The Lord keeps those who love Him
Oh I'm sorry John!!! I hope you find a wonderful doctor!! I'm so sorry for everything you are going through! Keep us updated about the doctor search, hopefully soon you'll be telling us you found a great one!
Oh, my dear John, I'm so sorry I haven't been here last night to support you. I hope today the brighter outlook is back. You know, my friend has a similar problem--her disease is so rare and strange (she has a bunch of diagnoses, but none explains the strange things her body is going through) that the doctors are afraid to take her on. There was time when they liked the challenged and made promises to get to the bottom of this, and then disappeared one by one... Where are those doctors that one sees in weekly dramas, putting compassion and perseverance first, and their own fear second? I'm so sorry that medically you don't have an adequate support right now. But you have plenty of emotional support here to help you through.
I am so sorry to have worried you. Thank you so much for your concerns prayers and support. How are you? I am O.K. just very overwhelmed with so much now. Along with so many legal and financial pressures I am still playing the musical chairs doctor game. I really enjoyed life to the fullest until a few years ago. Believe me I had it and did it all. I canít complain because I have been blessed in many ways and have done things that some people never dream of. Unfortunately now I havenít the energy or ambition to get up at times. I did get a chance to call my specialist researcher Dr. out of town and get his input. He thinks that my symptoms are from my disease and not the drug side effects. Thatís what I thought, but waited for his experienced opinion. He also told me of another couple drugs that someone should be putting me on. Perhaps the chemo is not working but I hope it just needs a little more time. In the meantime, I am trying to stay positive about another potential new Dr. near my home who is reviewing my records. Crossing my fingers.
I wish to thank you for your prayers and support as well. I am having an easier time holding it together because of special friends like both of you.
Glad to hear from you. I understand the pressure on you. NOTHING is impossible with God !!
It's good to take care of ourselves - a short of recovering from the world's stressors. I pray this Dr near your home decides to take you on as a patient. It's incredibly supportive when our Dr is on our side.
My prayers are with you.
Blessings and Hugs !
Life is simple - just not easy
Last edited by Administrator; 10-22-2005 at 02:08 AM.
Oh, thank goodness you are back. You refer to your disease as rare and orphan, but what is it called exactly?
It sounds ridiculous, but these days I'm torn between the desire to isolate myself or, instead, open up and become attached. It just seems that whenever I start caring about someone more and more, the person disappears... Please don't disappear from me,... I need you.
On that note, I'm beginning to worry about Sam. Wish she were back already. I'm becoming paranoid about the way she left--she was in such an awful place emotionally, and her trip fell through, and then suddenly she said good-bye. I think of her every day and hope for her safe return... Perhaps it's a part of the depressive personality, but I want to know when people are leaving, when to expect them back; I can't stand the suspense.
I hope this doctor takes you on... It's also a good thing you got an specialist advice on the new meds. Will keep my fingers crossed for these new options.
Much love and hugs and prayers,
Last edited by Administrator; 10-22-2005 at 02:07 AM.
if I could I would give you the healthy spine out of my back. Im pretty much spineless anything, Ive never put it to good use cos of the way my life has turned out. You said something interesting that Ive always considered as one of the determining factors in the way someone's life turns out. "Genetic fate." You know, I would love to think that reguardless to what our genetic makeup is we would all have a oppurtunity at living happy and healthy lives. But regardless it seems like our fate is already installed in us before were even born. How were going to look, feel, live, and die. Im the perfect recipe for depression. Regardless to what I ever did in life it would have been this way no matter what I did. I was diagnosed with diabetes at 19, Ive inherited every health problem from my parents, from mental illness, hyper tension, and obesity.
Your a strong man. You don't give up and you seem to disregard fate. Your definitely no stranger to adversity. You are a asset to the community here. Your leaps and bounds a better man than me. And seem to be in good faith. You have a brother in me. I hope nothing but the best for you. Take care.
Last edited by Administrator; 10-22-2005 at 02:06 AM.