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-   -   My turn. My Losses When does it end? (http://www.healthboards.com/boards/depression/299532-my-turn-my-losses-when-does-end.html)

Johnster 06-30-2005 06:55 AM

My turn. My Losses When does it end?
 
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lostangel 06-30-2005 07:24 AM

Re: My turn. My Losses When does it end?
 
JohnD,
My heart goes out to you...

In one year, so much of your life has unravelled... the future must look bleak and scary... and yet... you keep yourself positive! You are worth of much admiration, John. I know people like you, and sometimes I think they are superhuman--they suffer and suffer and never give up and stay optimistic... Keep that up--you are truly and inspiration!

It is a good thing you decided to take a turn and tell your story. You need so much compassion, and many of us here haven nothing but compassion to give... It's good to claim your share...

Warm hugs, and wishing you endurance, and keep being optimistic.
Angel. :angel:

Johnster 06-30-2005 11:13 AM

Re: My turn. My Losses When does it end?
 
Angel,

Thank you so much for your kind and special words. I look forward to talking to you again!!!!

Good luck and God bless you.

JohnD

Samantha317 07-01-2005 12:21 AM

Re: My turn. My Losses When does it end?
 
Hi John D :wave:
Wow! I am so sorry for all of your losses!

I know I am guilty of thinking things couldn't get worse and wow did they ever. You ARE an inspiration to me! I have had a horrible day and I was so upset and cried most of the day. I have lost a lot this past year but nothing compared to you. I have been suffering from recurrent major depression and the events in my life have taken it's toll on me. I wondered today and even asked God, "Why won't you take the pain away or just take me away"? I have struggled so much with the mental pain. It doesn't compare to what you have been dealt. Life is not fair and we may stumble, we may fall but we should not be defeated. I have wanted to give in and even give up and then I am sent a message to not let satan defeat me. I believe that is what is in your message to me.

Thank you so very much for sharing your story with me. I will keep you close to my heart and in my prayers.

May God Bless You!
Sam :angel:

Johnster 07-01-2005 12:08 PM

Re: My turn. My Losses When does it end?
 
Samantha, and Angel

My God you too??? Thank you so much for the kind words. As I suspected there are so many deep caring and beautiful people here at this board. You too are my inspiration!!! If it werenít for others in this rough world like yourself with such kindness and compassion I might loose hope. My motivation, optimism and energy to GO every day is from people like many of you here. If not for that it would be such a cold and lifeless lonely world. Some say this world has no hope for the future.
I say as long as there are people like you then YOU ARE MY HOPE FOR THE WORLD AND ITíS FUTURE!!! :bouncing: :bouncing: :bouncing:
Sam you keep on talking to God. He will help and I will too to the best of my capacity over the net whenever possible.

You may also want to read a great post that someone started here called ďThe spiritual side of depressionĒ if you havenít read it already. Very good points are made. I even comment a bit there too.

Thank you again sooo much for everything.

God Bless and Prayers

JohnD

lostangel 07-01-2005 02:34 PM

Re: My turn. My Losses When does it end?
 
Dear JohnD,

You say it so well... I don't know why it was on that particular dark day that I found this place--there've been so many dark days over the years--but I'm so happy I did. You are right, the people here are amazing... I think every one is a hero in her or his own right. You are one of those who is so readily giving and sharing your optimism--we need you so much here! :) Your story only confirms the extent of your strength and kindness.

I'm looking forward to talking with you, too, and to see you shine... [or bounce, like these hilarious frogs in your previous post!] Like Sammy said, if you stay in the fight, we should, too.

Warm hugs and loving thoughts,
Angel. :angel:

Johnster 07-01-2005 07:53 PM

Re: My turn. My Losses When does it end?
 
Angel,
You like the bouncing guy hu??? He kind of reminds me of Tiger. Remember from Winnie the Pooh??? Remeber his laugh? "WHO, WHO, WHO!!!!" "The wonerful ting about tigers, da tigers are wonerful tings. Der tops are made out of rubber, der tails are made out of springs." I know. I'm a dork. LOL!!! He was my favorite!!!

Talk to you again soon new friend. :bouncing: :bouncing: :bouncing:

JohnD

Samantha317 07-01-2005 09:30 PM

Re: My turn. My Losses When does it end?
 
Hi John D :wave:
You do a very good imitation of Tigger! He is my favorite I think....well I like them all. I love that cartoon. I hope you are having a good day. I had a pretty good one myself.

I am so glad you dropped in on the depression boards...we can always use the rays of sunshine that you have so abundantly shared. Take care of yourself and keep posting.

Much love and many heartfelt hugs,
Sam :angel:

P.S. I looked at the thread "The spiritual side of depression". You do have a way with words. It has always seemed when I am in my deepest sadest times that I feel God has abondonded me. This is when I have to pray in faith because I sure don't feel like he is near.

fractured-spiri 07-01-2005 11:28 PM

Re: My turn. My Losses When does it end?
 
i am really sorry for your situation.... it is hard to cope at times .... i do hope that you find some way thuough and that you c an still have a life that is rewarding and satisfying


medical researchers r making advances daily ...... tomorrow may be your day

Johnster 07-01-2005 11:30 PM

Re: My turn. My Losses When does it end?
 
Sam!!!,

Do you see him now though??? I see so many here not seeing it. They say they donít see the footprints in the sand or see a connection of us being created in his image. I see so many on this site talking about their demons inside but canít see God spirit working in them and others too. Yesterday I prayed to God for answers and he answered with some of you. Do you realize that some of you said that about me too??? I am truly waiting to die with an incurable progressive painful long hall seriously rough disease with chemo for life and no chance for remission. A slow and agonizing painful life to the end yet I go to a Cancer treatment center each month at 41 so tired week and broken in every way, and I see innocent young children there even. They are fighting for their families and lives optimistically. I grasp tightly and hold on. I wait for a miracle cure if God chooses. When it is my time I will go, but for now I am still here to leave my mark on this planet. Perhaps to be touched and touch others. Maybe even to be Gods instrument to help carry others through the sand too. As I said before, I prayed and needed faith and hope for this planet. Your replies were my sweet answers. Sam, believe. He is near.

God Bless and peace be with you all

JohnD

Johnster 07-01-2005 11:36 PM

Re: My turn. My Losses When does it end?
 
Fractured,

Your compassion and concern are such a good start. Thank you so much for your kind words and optimism. They are like pain killers and make me feel so much better now.

Looking forward to talking to you again

JohnD

Samantha317 07-02-2005 02:22 AM

Re: My turn. My Losses When does it end?
 
[QUOTE=JohnDiV]Sam!!!,

Do you see him now though??? I see so many here not seeing it. They say they donít see the footprints in the sand or see a connection of us being created in his image. I see so many on this site talking about their demons inside but canít see God spirit working in them and others too. Yesterday I prayed to God for answers and he answered with some of you. Do you realize that some of you said that about me too??? I am truly waiting to die with an incurable progressive painful long hall seriously rough disease with chemo for life and no chance for remission. A slow and agonizing painful life to the end yet I go to a Cancer treatment center each month at 41 so tired week and broken in every way, and I see innocent young children there even. They are fighting for their families and lives optimistically. I grasp tightly and hold on. I wait for a miracle cure if God chooses. When it is my time I will go, but for now I am still here to leave my mark on this planet. Perhaps to be touched and touch others. Maybe even to be Gods instrument to help carry others through the sand too. As I said before, I prayed and needed faith and hope for this planet. Your replies were my sweet answers. Sam, believe. He is near.

God Bless and peace be with you all

JohnD[/QUOTE]

Hi JohnD :wave:
It is so ironic how each illness has it's own traits. When I was diagnosed with Cancer, I prayed to God to not let me die. Now when the depression is so strong I have to fight so hard and hold on to the hope that there will be better days. Oh, yes I am guilty of praying to God for him to let me die.

I want you to know when I describe the way I "feel" it is exactly that "feelings". When I say I can't feel God, that is when I have to step out in faith and know I can't trust my feelings. So yes I do believe that God will carry me through. When I speak about my demons it is what still haunts me. The hurts from my childhood can be demons, so can the pain and hurts from even yesterday. I know the beast of depression can consume every aspect of your life. I know when that beast takes over, I can't trust my feelings and I don't have to act on those lies (feelings).

My heart goes out to you and I wish I could do something more. But I can be here for you when you need a listening ear. Stay strong my friend and I will do the same.

Thank you John D! I am touched by your compassion and yes I do believe God is near. May God richly bless you!

Best wishes and many hugs,
Sam :angel:

Johnster 07-02-2005 09:14 AM

Re: My turn. My Losses When does it end?
 
Sam,

Thank you so much again. I understand what you say about feelings. I also understand what you say about demons and beasts. I have them too. Sincerely may I ask what should we call happy memories and pleasant feelings even today? Maybe I am wrong but here I go with another cartoon. LOL!!! Do you remember what they say or from some cartoons with the angel on one side and the demon on the other? Totally ironic I know. Iím not saying anyone else feels this. I have always been aware of it and sense it with me though. Ironically both can tip the scales in either direction to effect my mood. If I am aware I can feel it pulling in either direction.

I love my good angels, guardian angels or whatever they are. My whole life has been filled with such unmentionable baaaaaad times even as a child when I could almost here them cry, but with each incident.
I have also become stronger and can almost here them sing and smile when I return and find the good memories and beauty in everyone and everything. :D :D :D


Sorry for all the confusing babbling. I am sometimes misunderstood or offend people wile writing. Without peopleís words or expressions, writing can lead to misunderstandings to often.

Good Luck and God Bless you all.

JohnD

Samantha317 07-02-2005 12:08 PM

Re: My turn. My Losses When does it end?
 
[QUOTE=JohnDiV]Sam,

Thank you so much again. I understand what you say about feelings. I also understand what you say about demons and beasts. I have them too. Sincerely may I ask what should we call happy memories and pleasant feelings even today? Maybe I am wrong but here I go with another cartoon. LOL!!! Do you remember what they say or from some cartoons with the angel on one side and the demon on the other? Totally ironic I know. Iím not saying anyone else feels this. I have always been aware of it and sense it with me though. Ironically both can tip the scales in either direction to effect my mood. If I am aware I can feel it pulling in either direction.

I love my good angels, guardian angels or whatever they are. My whole life has been filled with such unmentionable baaaaaad times even as a child when I could almost here them cry, but with each incident.
I have also become stronger and can almost here them sing and smile when I return and find the good memories and beauty in everyone and everything. :D :D :D


Sorry for all the confusing babbling. I am sometimes misunderstood or offend people wile writing. Without peopleís words or expressions, writing can lead to misunderstandings to often.

Good Luck and God Bless you all.

JohnD[/QUOTE]

Hi John D :wave:
Oh, sweetie, I have not been offended by anything you have said. I felt like I needed to clarify what I was feeling (not sure why). I truly hope I didn't offend you by anything I have said. I agree it is difficult to convey (at least for me) your true meanings.

I am really at a loss for words due to me feeling that I should be so ashamed of all of my "oh poor me attitudes". I feel so helpless when offering my help. My heart sincerely goes out to you and I so wish I had something more to offer besides my well wishes and my listening ears. I never want you to feel bad about the posts that you give. I like the cartoon analogies, they make me smile. We can share what we have and it may be small but to some it may be huge. Thank you again for sharing with me a part of yourself that is special indeed.

Best wishes and many heartfelt hugs,
Sam :angel:

lostangel 07-02-2005 04:38 PM

Re: My turn. My Losses When does it end?
 
[QUOTE=JohnDiV]Angel,
You like the bouncing guy hu??? He kind of reminds me of Tiger. Remember from Winnie the Pooh??? Remeber his laugh? "WHO, WHO, WHO!!!!" "The wonerful ting about tigers, da tigers are wonerful tings. Der tops are made out of rubber, der tails are made out of springs." I know. I'm a dork. LOL!!! He was my favorite!!!

Talk to you again soon new friend. :bouncing: :bouncing: :bouncing:

JohnD[/QUOTE]

A dork? JohnD... Why would Tigger impersonation make you one? I love him, too. His energy is something else, isn't it? And his little speech impairment is so cute...

I really like your concept of God talking to us through each other. That's how the Holy Spirit is supposed to work, isn't it?.. If so, so many of us can be reassured in their faith...

As to your references to cartoons, I can't help but chime in and remind you that in the Middle Ages / Renaissance the concept was all-angelic--i.e., the Good and the Evil Angels battled for a human soul. (Oh, don't worry, I'm a good angel. :) ) It's later that one of them started to look like a demon (a fallen angel, I suppose)... We do have these binaries within us, and it is a blessing and art and work to have the self-awareness that would allow to discern their workings and control them...

I'll leave you for now with a cheerful image from The Simpsons: Homer pondering the alretnatives as an angelic looking miniatuare Homer claims one of his ears, whilst the other is assaulted by a little demonic Homer, complete with red Halloween-like outfit and horns. I wish all the evil forces could be reduced to a little harmless Homer...

Warm hugs,
:angel:


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