I have always had some crazy mood swings, but not to the extent I've been having lately. I will just be talking to someone and in the middle of the conversation, I'll dissociate and start panicking. After I panic, I forget where I am temporarily and completely isolate myself and become angry/scared of the person I was talking to.
It is really getting to me, and I'm not handling it well. I went to talk to one of my friends the other day about my self-injury and halfway through the conversation I did this. He doesn't know me very well yet and he just looked at me and said..."What happened? Are you okay, you seemed fine a minute ago." He seemed very concerned, but once I started becoming mean and scared, he seemed frightened of me...didn't know what to do or say to regain my trust.
I also have been having severe, severe paranoia. Last night I was so afraid someone would attack me that I couldn't leave my room without someone walking me down the hallway. I was constantly jerking, turning around to make sure no one was going to come up behind me. I had several panic attacks and am still yet to come out of it. It is really wierd because there weren't any major events leading up to this, it just kind of happened....it is so wierd and confusing. I keep telling myself I'm going to be okay, but I just can't seem to convince myself that it's true.
I've also withdrawn from my friends again, I don't mean to, it just happened, I suddenly feal very uncomfortable around them and I'm not sure what to do about it.
I really could use some support to get me through this. Am I safe? I don't know, please someone tell me that I'm going to be okay.....
Know what? I feel the same way. But I don't think it's true. I think it's part of the whole depression thing... you need to talk to people, but you feel you're not worthwhile enough and they must have better things to do.
I was just saying that to my wife yesterday... saying how I wanted to talk to my friend, but I felt like I'd be bothering her, I didn't want to be like [name of wife's acquaintance].
She was like, you are nothing like that. That person calls me up after I haven't seen her in almost 8 years, to tell me stories about people I've never met. I was like OK you're right I feel silly for worrying about it.
Talk to your friends. In particular, you can tell them to explicitly say when you're bothering them. That way you don't have to worry about it! They'll let you know, and you can go talk to someone else.
Hi, you ARE going to be ok. when you need to look after yourself, especially during depression it's quite usual to not want to have to deal with other people as well. People may be worried about it but your friend sounds like the type who'll realise you're not specifically mad at him and will come right back when you've had time to breathe or when you need someone.
Paranoia for me comes and goes, I hope you feel better soon. Hows life?
Listen dear. I know what it feels like to be in pain. I live it daily and have most my life. I know how it can feel at times to be like us or different. I know how hard it is to find friends or even family out there who can love, feel, understand and be there for us in the capacities that we are in or need. Forget your looks or weight or anything else at this moment. When you look in the mirror you may not like what you see. Guess what??? None of us care about that! The only mirror I see at present shows your heart and soul. A soul that many special people here want and need to see too. Share your friendship here with others.
As I said I understand whatís in your heart with troubles and pain. Many here can. I could use a friend like you right now. I would like to share a dream I had while napping today. I saw myself riding a bike again. ďSome here know about me and bikes.Ē I am in no condition to ride a bike right now by any means. Anyway this bike was different. It was a tandem. You know a bike made for two? I found myself struggling in my pain up the hill having trouble breathing and pain and all. Next thing I know the struggle gets easier because the bike turns tandem and another friend generously takes over for a wile and lets me get some much needed rest. In time they become tired so I take over again for them too. Thatís the kind of friend I so desperately need too right now.
Will you be my friend???
Neither of us are worthless!!! We both just need a little help with the peddling sometimes. I see you speaking with some of our friends here for some time now. They care for you an awful lot. Donít loose your good HOPE in some people. That is false HOPE. I put faith and true HOPE in my friends here. YOU Included!!!
First off I donít know if anyone ever asked you this before but have you ever had any blood work done by a medical doc for other possible causes for some of these feelings? If so what were they? Thyroid, hormones ectÖ? I am so sorry for prying but I am just asking out of concern for you.
Listen friend. It was and still is completely important to me to keep going to different doctors and getting different perspectives. You know as personal as we try to get with our docs, friends, family or whomever NO ONE will ever know YOU like YOU know yourself. They have no magical help or cure for any of us. If they are any good at all, they will be a good guide to move you or show you in the direction you need to go. Some may even give you special exercises and work to do too. I do believe though that most change if any in the way we are or feel has to come from within. I need to find it in me to pick myself up and do the exercises every day. Itís O.K. to feel bad, sad, angry, hurt or whatever. Yes there is a time and place for everything. But please never forget there is also a time to pull yourself out and see happy and positive emotions too. Emotions like happy compassionate loving caring giving fun. Without looking for that in us too itís like wasting some good piece of fruit. Share of yourself with others your joys as well as your sorrows. You are much more important and special than fruit. Keep enriching the lives of yourself and others around you. You deserve it because you have heart.
I hope this helps.
God bless you little sister.
Not Me Too? I would miss you.
Please come back and be our friend here. We all care about you O.K?
I'm sorry about my moodswings, I don't really even recall typing that, but I know I did. I am just in a frustrating place right now. I'm working with someone new though, that I think will be a great help to me. I really appreciate you guys so much, I really do, and I don't ever want you to think that I would leave you!
I love you guys a bunch and thanks for helping me through all of this! If need anything don't be afraid to ask, I promise I will return the favor...a million times over!!!!!
Hi darkangel, thanks for coming back!! Glad you've found someone good to work with. Oh, and just so you know, whatever happens there's no favour owing, knowing you, and the happiness it brings when you're happy and seeing the BIG improvements you've been making (and believe me you have)... if I can do anything to help I will. Don't worry about having mood swings at us, we understand, just keep coming back ok??
lots of love
My mom has been having really bad back pain for a while, so she finally went and got an MRI done. They found that she has three vertebraes in her back that are deteriorating. The doctor says if she keeps her job, in five years, she won't be able to do anything....
I'm so scared for her, I just want her to be better. She has been in so much pain and I hate to see her like that. It's even worse to know that there isn't anything they can do to cure it.....it can be treated, but will probably be painful the rest of her life....I'm just so sad, I love my mom, and I hate that this is happening to her....
I am sooooo sorry to here about your mom dear friend. I know a little about her condition. I have 10 vertebrae like that. What is causing this with your mom if I may ask? They should give her a cause before weighing out solutions to help her. Yes itís VERY PAINFUL I KNOW and it hurts me to see you both going thru this right now. I will think of your mom as I do for you every day. I will say prayers for her everyday too.
Please talk to me more about it whenever you need O.K?
I understand. It can hurt you just as bad to see your own mother in so much pain. My mom was in pain and sick a lot too. They hate to see you worry about them too. Thatís why I said I was sad for you too.
Listen friend, I still donít know what is causing your momís Osteoporosis and I am assuming she has three ďcompression fractures.Ē Her pain will become more tolerable in time if they can give her something to avoid it from continuing. They usually start you off on something like a once a week pill called Fosamax and about 1000 to 1500 mg of calcium supplements too. For now she will find it easier if she sleeps in recliners and sits in chairs with arms to help her get up. Getting out of bed for a wile is near impossible and real bad when you need to rush to a washroom from sleep. She should try to sit back on soft jell ice packs as much as possible. THEY HELP A LOT! In time the swelling and pains in the sides or rib cage should go down soon too if they do exist. She needs a lot of anti inflammatory like 2 or 3 ibuprofens at a time to help the swelling go down and pain to be more tolerable. SWIMMING AND POOLS ARE THE BEST FORM OF RELIEF AND THERAPY!!! In water she should reduce her pain by over 50% to 90%. In the water our bodies become lighter and muscles will stretch. This will ease the pain and pressure on those main nerves from her spinal cord. She may have constant automatic muscle cramps from the pain. This causes more pressure on the nerves and bad bones and makes it even worse. If you get her in the water you will find she may not want to get out. In the winter months I found hotels with specials to spend a day or two to have the indoor pool all to myself. It will get easier on her than it is now.
Please keep me informed. I do care and want to help if I can.