Re: New to Board. Needed to talk to people who understand
I found that Depression made me just want to take to my bed, I didn't want to go anywhere, do anything, everything seemed such a struggle, even the smallest of things, I was exhausted, irritable, short tempered, uninterested in most things, tearful, sensitive, had no appetite, and was pretty much sleeping my life away.
Nothing changes if you fully give into these feelings, it can go on a very long time, as you already know. No matter how terrible you are feeling you must drag yourself out of bed, then out of the room, then out of the house and go seek help. It doesn't get better if you don't do these things, you will find you feel better short term just staying at home and avoiding the world but long term it ends up in disappointment, and no change.
So you have been down the antidepressant route for a long time and it is going nowhere so it is obvious that you must find another form of treatment. Again, therapy doesn't have any effect if you don't go, it seems like a lot of hassle going to therapy, you have to talk about a lot of things you don't really want to, and recall a lot of events that may be painful to you - this may seem unhelpful but many have found after a rough start that therapy has been really helpful, they just had to stick with it.
You don't have to do it all tomorrow. Depression was the fight of my life and it took a lot of time and patience, a lot of doing things I really didn't want to do but I wanted things to change so I had to take the steps. In the end it was worth it. I hope in time you can feel like that too.
all the best