I've been depressed for years and years and no matter how much I hope and try things never change, they only worsen.
I've all but given up any hope of having a normal life, because at my advanced age if there was any hope it would have happened by now.
All I have is the internet, at least I have that.
However, one thing always bothers me about so many depressed people that I read about. It seems like nearly everyone depressed or not has some kind of relationship in their lives. I simply can not understand how if you someone, ANYONE, in your life whether it be a girlfriend, boyfriend, husband, wife, kids, friend or anyone there for you, how someone can be so horribly depressed.
I have absolutely NOBODY and never have. I've tried so hard but there isn't anyone interested in being around me. I know if I had relationships I would be happy.
How can one be so depressed if you have someone in your life that cares?
No matter what you think you are not alone. Yes I am still young because I am 17 but I truly have not had a friend in my life untill I found others on this message board like me. I have been and always have been disliked by everyone in my life but here you can talk to people that care about you. I still have my mom and dad and I love them and they love me but that is because I am there son. Other than that I think they would be another set of people that dislike me. If you would like to I would be glad to be your friend.
Well, the funny thing about severe depression is that it lies to you. It tells you that you aren't happy when you know you should be. In my case, I've had so many people hurt me that when people are around it scares the crap out of me, thus making me more depressed.
I also struggle with things like bpd, adhd, ocd, self-injury, and suicidal tendencies. The biggest problem in my life is confusion....I DO have things in my life that others don't have, I DO have people who care about me....but it doesn't matter, I'm still depressed and have been over half my life...the worst of it is that I'm dealing with it at such a young age...I never even got to live the happy lives most get to....and when I hear stories like yours...it makes me wonder what I'm still doing here.
I swear sometimes I feel like I'm thirty years older than I really am, with the physical problems I have. Plus to add to it, it seems like most of the people I care about are just as f***ed up as me....or worse....it just seems there is no happiness left in this world.
I'm sorry that you feel so hopeless, but I'm here for you...and I care about you and I know that this computer doesn't provide a lot of comfort...but I'll be as much comfort as I can be through this electronical device.
Sorry you are feeling so bad at present.
I think that Darkangel managed to describe perfectly the effects that depression has upon a person. It really doesn't matter what your circumstances in life are, whether you have family, friends, partners etc... to support you or not, you can be rich, poor, younger or older - depression is indiscriminate, it can afflict anyone at all at any time at all.
Depression is an illness, people with illnesses can't just feel better because they have people there who help support them thru it all. To imply that people should not suffer from depression because they have people who care for them, implies that Depression is something that people can control - if only it was that simple!!!! A lot of people would not be suffering at all if they had the choice to just get over it!!!
I am sorry that you feel so alone, I hope that you can find a little comfort from the people here at the boards, they are the lovliest people who try to offer whatever they can to those in need, post whenever you can and I hope that for a short time you can feel not so alone.
The good news about depression is that it is beatable. You may, like many people here, have been suffering for a very long time, you may also have been thru so many treatments in the fight to get thru this, so far without relief.
But people do get thru this and come out the other side. I am one of them.
It felt like the better days would never come, I felt so hopeless, I felt I would not make it, but the better days did come, I did survive, I did beat depression, it was the biggest fight of my life and I won. Don't give up, no matter how much you want to, don't let this thing beat you, one day you will come out the other side and begin to build your life again.
all the best
well said everyone; my sentiments exactly. Depression has nothing to do with who or how many people you have in your life. There are a lot of people just like you and there are always people more fortunate than you and I. So even if they have a partner or reletives living/not living with them, they are just like you or maybe worse than what you're going through.
Like me for instance. I have aquaintances, but no real friends. It's by choice and at times it's my fault that I loose my friend.
By choice because:
1)if I don't get emotionally involved, I'll never get hurt.
2)Trust no one. No one to let you down, no one to disappoint you.
3)life's no bed of roses. Why would I want to put a love one through my problems? It's bad enough that I'm in a dump, why would I want anyone to be there suffering with me?
4)whatever happens it's my own doing. I dig my own hole, put up my own wall, live in my own castle, make my own bed. It's mine dam'it!! and I can end it any time I want. No liablilities, no dependents, no one to suffer the consequences.
I think ur depression has to do with loneliness. Having someone and having a relationship won't give you happiness, if only it was so easy. At times I rather be lonely than have the pain and sorrow of losing love. You think you've hit bottom only to find it excruciatingly worse than any bodily harm can do.
ya life sucks sometimes. You dig your own hole and you live in it. It's as crappy as you want it to be. Sorry I'm in a pissy mood, but you're actually better off than a lot of people on this board.
I feel the same way. Depression can be so hard to handle and throw on top of that lonliness and it gets even worse. I have my mother, father, and sister, which i am grateful for even though i dont speak with them much. Besides them i cant think of anyone that would even miss me if i was gone. Sure a lot of it is my doing and i take responsibility for it, but i doesnt make it any easier to deal with.
Anyway just wanted to say your not alone and you can at least come to the boards when you are feeling down or lonely. Maybe it can give you a little comfort(i know it does for me). Good luck.
Hi, been reading your posts and I can understand where you're coming from- I, too have looked at other people's posts and wondered how they can be so depressed when they have partners etc. I've been living alone and I've realised that that has made me worse. Last week got so bad I couldn't cope anymore and I have moved home to my parents, feel like a failure. I cannot seem to keep a boyfriend, guys seem to like me at first and then decide they don't when they get to know me a little better, like there's some kind of defect in my personality. Most of the time I just remain single and don't even go there. A few weeks ago I thought my luck had finally changed when I met a lovely guy, so considerate and funny and a perfect gentleman, and gorgeous too! And he was actually interested in ME! He just dumped me by text message. I feel so humiliated. Stupid to think something that lucky could happen to me. I am terrified of rejection and I think it is easier to have no-one because they will just leave me in the end, they always do. I am even terrified that no-one will reply to me on this site and I will feel rejected again. I have some good friends but also some who have rejected me because of my depression. I feel like I must be such a crap person.
I am sorry to moan and be so self-absorbed, just a really black day today. I hope that you are having a better day and that you can see some sunshine Sorry I have not said anything helpful to you.
Heidi wanted to give u a hug after your post. I'm still living at home at the age of 26 which is not necessarily a good thing because my Mum has a tendency to rub me up the wrong way. She is concerned about me as she knows I am terribly depressed, but the concern comes out in all the wrong ways. I've always found it hard to hold onto a relationship. I seem to be cursed by being the kind and sweet type which girls seem to get bored of oh so quickly. Makes me feel very worthless, and coupled with friends who don't seem to understand makes life very difficult.
Those boyfriends who ended relationships with you were probably the wrong type of persons to have a meaningful, lasting relationship with. It is not easy finding love. Please don't put all of the blame on yourself for the breakup of relationships (it takes two to make a relationship work). You just haven't found the love of your life yet, but he's out there. You might have to meet a lot of "frogs" before meeting your prince.
Thank you. It's really nice to hear some kind words today. Think I'm gonna give up on the frog-kissing again for a while! I expect a couple of knocks now and again but when it keeps on happening got to wonder if it's me. Guess I need to love myself before someone else will.
thank you- good to know you can relate to how I'm feeling. I for one don't think there's anything wrong with being sweet and nice. But one boyfriend actually stated my being 'too nice' as the reason he couldn't stay with me! Don't understand any of it. I also don't think living at home is ideal, my parents should be divorced but they prefer to carry on in abject misery. I don't get on with my father at all, he's changed so much over the last few years and treats my mum terribly. I can't talk to her much about how I feel because it upsets her, my brother suffers with depression and anxiety and she blames herself. Hope you are ok today- I am sorry to hear that your friends don't seem to understand. I was wondering how you manage with your work at the moment while you are feeling like this? I'm really struggling and didn't even make it in today, which makes me feel like more of a failure.
I've found work very hard, because of the nature of it (primary teacher). It reached the stage that my doctor has signed me off for a month. As for you saying an ex had said you were "too nice", God, I've heard that one too many times before. I hate the fact that I'm too nice. It just makes people seem to think they can walk all over you, and that really doesn't help
Well I made it into work today only because I had two big appointments but I felt like I couldn't cope, kept feeling overwhelmed and having to go off by myself and cry. Working with children normally makes me snap out of it as I have to focus on them but today I couldn't even do that. I can't take any time off as I'm right near the end of my work placement, have to finish by certain date or I won't pass my course. Also essays to write how the hell I will do them I don't know. Got work to be in tomorrow and all I'm doing is sitting here crying. Think maybe I might have chosen the most inappropriate career ever considering my current state of mind!
Surreyboy, I wanted to be a primary teacher most of life until I had a sudden change of heart, I know plenty of them so I realise how tough it is- I think you have done really well to carry on until recently if you have been depressed for a while. I've had the 'too nice' thing more than once also, I've learnt that being nice gets you nowhere except sad and angry at always being the one who gets hurt, but I hope that's not always the case. Got to try not to give up- I hope things improve for you.
I've got a suggestion for those of you are depressed. Can you get yourself a pet? A dog or cat? Dogs give unconditional love and can cheer you up and give you a reason to get up in the morning! Dogs love you no matter what.
Can you maybe adopt one and save a life? It would make you feel better, like you have a purpose, someone that depends on you. I think if would be good for you and for the pet.
Think about it!!