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Old 09-27-2005, 02:35 AM   #1
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Feeling let down by people

I just had a birthday, and the only people that were there for me were my parents. My parents are the ones in life who matter the most, but I feel so disappointed and saddened that others in my life didn't bother with me on my birthday.

This is the second year that my brother hasn't sent me a birthday card. Even last year for Christmas, although I sent him a card, he sent everyone else in the family a card but me...now that hurt because I've never done anything bad to him. (I have a sister, but she hasn't sent me a birthday card in years.) I have a friend from out of state, and she sent me a postcard saying that she was sending me a birthday card and a gift, and I kept checking the mail, but nothing arrived. I have never forgotten her birthday, though. My neighbor's birthday is the day before mine, so I bought her a card and made some cookies for her, then I went over her house and spent over an hour with her. But she didn't remember my birthday the next day, or maybe she just didn't want to bother. I just don't understand people.

I'm just so SAD that no one but my parents remembered my birthday. For anyone reading this, do your "friends" and siblings forget or not bother with your birthday?

I'm thoughtful of others and I remember others when it comes to birthdays and holidays. I have a big heart. I am a loving, sincere, friendly person. Yet I seem to be let down so often by other people's actions. Maybe it's hard to find true friends? I just feel so hurt, that I can't put my feelings into words, and what happened on my birthday with certain people not bothering to remember my birthday brings a lot of feelings to the surface.

Last edited by sealover; 09-27-2005 at 02:43 AM.

 
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Old 09-27-2005, 03:17 AM   #2
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s1980 HB User
Re: Feeling let down by people

Hi there,
Sorry you are feeling so down on your birthday.
I get the feeling that when we get older people just kind of expect that we don't really care any more about birthdays, that spending the time on finding a card and putting it in the post is a kind of wasted sentiment somehow or an unwelcome reminder of getting older. In my case it is true, I tend to just ignore birthdays and if nothing comes in the post I am not really bothered but everyone is different and I guess because you are feeling so low at the moment it has obviously hurt you.

I don't think this means that people don't care about you, it is probably more a case of there are so many birthdays and events in the year and people are so wrapped up in their own lives and situations that they either a) forgot, which we are all guilty of at times and it really has no bearing on how we actually feel about the person, more on how dodgy our memories are or b) just assumed that it didn't really mean all that much to you or you are such an easygoing person that you would not be bothered about recieving a card.
Honestly I am sure those people did not do this because they don't like you or don't care, or even just because they are mean or something, I think it is just one of those things.

That is not discounting how you feel about it, it has really upset you and it meant a lot to you, there is nothing wrong in feeling disappointed.

I think you should really go and do something to treat yourself, just to take your mind off it all for a while, maybe you could go out for a meal with your parents if you fancy it, or perhaps something just for you, something to cheer yourself up a bit. I think sometimes you have to make a little of your own happiness in the world because other people are so unpredictable or unreliable at times - the world can get you down for sure but it is up to you how you are going to manage with that.

I hope over time you can begin to feel a bit better.
all the best

 
Old 09-27-2005, 04:04 AM   #3
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Re: Feeling let down by people

s1980,

Thanks for writing and for your thoughtful and helpful insight. I do agree that people are so wrapped up in their own lives that they just don't remember certain things. But I believe that people can remember what they want to remember.

The persons who I referred to in my message seem to care enough about their own birthdays that they celebrate their special day. My friend from out of state always has friends who throw her a party. My neighbor celebrates her birthday. I remember them on their special day, but they don't think of me. I just feel like I'm not important enough to be remembered, and I probably don't really matter to those people.

It's deeper than just my stupid birthday. I've been hurt and disappointed by so-called friends and family members too many times.

 
Old 09-27-2005, 04:07 AM   #4
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Re: Feeling let down by people

happy Bday sealover!!
like s1980 says, do something for YOURSELF. Celebrate YOUR life. Time to reflect and appreciate what you have, those around you and look foreward for a better year. Depending on how old you are(or feel), maybe u want to stop remembering just so u won't feel so bad

 
Old 09-27-2005, 04:31 AM   #5
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Re: Feeling let down by people

knotme,

Thank you for the Bday wishes and your advice. I'll try to feel better about things.

 
Old 09-27-2005, 06:04 AM   #6
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shoulderpain HB User
Re: Feeling let down by people

Sealover, I've often been hurt by other's thoughtlessness. I think that some people are more sensitive and empathic, more thoughtful and kind. Other people are just callous, thoughtless, or intentionally cruel. My siblings can be thoughtless and even mean at times. I can be that way too---I try very hard not to.

After being hospitalized for severe depression, I had to review my relationships with people. I think those of us that are basically kinder and more empathic get hurt much more easily by the callous, unfeeling people out there. A therapist once told me that depression is anger turned toward's oneself. You get hurt, but instead of being mad at that person you feel bad because we all want to be loved and accepted.

No reason for you to suffer because other people are thoughtless or intentionally cruel. And there are a gazillion other people out there who are kind and thoughtful, or try their best to show those qualities.

I had to change my expectations of people. Some you have to write-off as they offer nothing to you, emotionally, no matter how much you give. Others can be emotionally abusive. Then focus on stengthening your relationships with the caring people in your life, and finding new people who are friendly and thoughtful. You sort of try to weed out the people who are hurtful, and meet new people as friends and support.

There are a lot of nice, caring people out there. You have to extend yourself a bit to find them; be friendly and positive. And remember that other people get lonely and hurt too. Many times the people who look like they 'have it all' in terms of friends, happiness are battling inner demons or tragic situations they don't share.

Try not to let the thoughtlessness of others get to you. Give your self permission to be assertive, tell the people who didn't acknowlege your birthday when you remember theirs that they did a crappy thing, and quit sending them cards. Instead, volunteer at the hospital, or animal shelter, local red cross, soup kitchen, whatever and meet more people who are into giving of themselves rather than being selfish.

I think getting out of yourself, and using your God-given qualities of kindness and caring can help a lot. And don't feel bad when others don't reciprocate- some people just don't know how to be basically kind or don't care enough to try. The key is forming friendships/relationships with those folks who do try to be kind and thoughtful.

"Mean people suck" lol

Take care of yourself!

 
Old 09-27-2005, 07:29 AM   #7
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lostangel HB User
Re: Feeling let down by people

(((((((((((Sealover))))))))))))))))
Happy Birthday!!!
Why didn't you tell us here your big day was coming up?
We would have thrown you a party! We would have made sure you wouldn't feel forgotten or lonely on your birthday!
We love you! We'll have a belated party for you, okay?
Hugs,
Angel

 
Old 09-27-2005, 08:11 AM   #8
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Johnster HB User
Re: Feeling let down by people

Quote:
Originally Posted by JohnDiV
Hi RomingGoat,

Welcome to the boards!!!

Iím with the wisdom and agree with our friend GatsbyLuvr on this one.

Some people, "even our families" will never truly understand. Itís like speaking a foreign language to some of them. They can also say hurtful things or make it sound so simple and easy like our solutions, problems or feelings can be turned on and off like a light switch. THEY DONíT GET IT!!! I honestly donít know whatís in your sisterís heart but she obviously sees you as special warm and caring enough to dump on. She has many things and a perfect life but EVERYTHING that is, does not replace the fullness of your listening ear and heart. You are SPECIAL!!! and she knows it. Itís another one of our weaknesses if you want to call it that. YOU FEEL AND CARE TOO MUCH!!!!! Who else listens to her mess and tries to understand like you do??? Iíve been there and done that too. Please donít be upset with your sister. She honestly doesnít understand and Iím sure if knowing what you know about this illness. You would rather her not have it or understand. You just keep faith and HOPE friend. There are others out there just like us who will listen and understand. You too understand my foreign language as many here do.

I hope this helps a little.

Hope to see you around here in the future!

John
Hi (((((((SEALOVER)))))))))

Iíve missed you. You havenít visited my thread for a wile. I still love and pray for you often. I hope your foot is feeling better. Sorry I didnít know about your birthday.

I posted this quote to another of our good friends here about a week ago. Some or part of it may apply to you too. You know I agree with all the points our friends here who responded to you. Iím also with this new member and WELCOME shoulderpain!!! I have that too!!! LOL!!!

People here who truly know me, know that I have asked to try these church groups and same charitable groups!!! People even ask me where I am, where I live, why canít people like me be found? Guess where I have been??? In the churches, in the hospitals, with the elderly, with the needy. With the people here even!!! NOT WITH (I) (ME) (MY) PEOPLE!!! EVERYONE HERE is TOO SENSATIVE!!! WE ARE SPECIAL AND TOO COMPASIONATE!!! WHY CONCERN YOURSELF WITH APPLYING YOUR BIG HEART ON THE WRONG PEOPLE??? PEOPLE LIKE THOSE HERE AND AT THESE PLACES I COUNTLESSLY SUGGEST ALL THE TIME?

The only thing I donít agree with here is not sending them cards any more. Iím not ďAn eye for an eye, tooth for a toothĒ kind of guy. ďSomeone slaps your cheek offer them the other instead.Ē In war it takes both sides not just the first shot to get it going. It doesnít matter who starts it or why later, all there is irreversible pain suffering and a lot more hurt for everyone afterwards. Why ruin your and others lives by starting a war? That would be like some tribes of people in Africa who know no better and start hunting a rare near extinct animal against international laws. Should we because of their inadequacies or lack of understanding go in and start a world war over it? Send in troops and bomb the whole continent and kill all the people and animals because what they did was wrong??? Find a way to live with peace with them and either loves them with all their inadequacies or prepare yourself for and leave them for good.

GO GIVE OF YOURSELF TO PEOPLE WHO ARE LIKE YOU!!! THEY WILL LOVE YOU AND MAKE YOU FEEL SOOOOO GOOD ABOUT YOURSELF!!! BETTER REWARDS FOR YOU!!! As I say all the time ďDivinity is found in a place one least expects to find itĒ

I already shared one reading I choose for my momís funeral here on the boards. This was the gospel I choose for that same service and I wish to share a piece of it with you dear friend. I hope this helps a little.

Hugs love and continual prayers as always.

Matthew

31. "But when the Son of Man comes in His glory, and all the angels with Him, then He will sit on His glorious throne.
32. "All the nations will be gathered before Him; and He will separate them from one another, as the shepherd separates the sheep from the goats;
33. And He will put the sheep on His right, and the goats on the left.
34. "Then the King will say to those on His right, `Come, you who are blessed of My Father, inherit the kingdom prepared for you from the foundation of the world.
35. `For I was hungry, and you gave Me something to eat; I was thirsty, and you gave Me something to drink; I was a stranger, and you invited Me in;
36. Naked, and you clothed Me; I was sick, and you visited Me; I was in prison, and you came to Me.'
37. "Then the righteous will answer Him, `Lord, when did we see You hungry, and feed You, or thirsty, and give You something to drink?
38. `And when did we see You a stranger, and invite You in, or naked, and clothe You?
39. `When did we see You sick, or in prison, and come to You?'
40. "The King will answer and say to them, `Truly I say to you, to the extent that you did it to one of these brothers of Mine, even the least of them, you did it to Me.'

Last edited by Johnster; 09-27-2005 at 08:13 AM.

 
Old 09-27-2005, 10:55 AM   #9
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Re: Feeling let down by people

Hi Sealover

Happy Belated Birthday!!!!

I was so hurt this year over my birthday too. I thought for sure my children would do something special for my birthday. I was lucky they called me. It was a fluke that my youngest called on that special day and then we ended up getting in a huge fight the next day over some unkind words. I live with my parents and they didn't do anything special for me and that hurt too. It even brings tears to my eyes thinking about it. If anyone does something special for my birthday, it's usually my parents.

IT DOES HURT!!!! You need to tell these people, each and every single one of them....it hurt you! Don't hold it in...tell them. It's the only way they will know.

I agree with Angel, we need to have a party here for you. If you want to?

How is your foot? I have missed you! I was happy to see your own thread but not happy to hear of your pain.

You are a special person and deserve to be treated special. I am sorry for your pain.

Sending you many heartfelt and healing hugs,
Sam

 
Old 09-27-2005, 10:43 PM   #10
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Re: Feeling let down by people

shoulderpain,

Thank you for writing such an insightful, caring message...you have a very good understanding of what I'm experiencing (and you've experienced much hurt, too). People who are more sensitive, caring and empathetic do tend to get their feelings hurt more, as you wrote. I've never understood how people can be thoughtless or calloused, but I have to accept that those people exist in the world. My brother and sister are not there for my parents and me, and I wonder how they got to be so cold, and yet my parents and I are the complete opposite of my brother and sister.

Like you wrote, it's important to find people who have qualities in common with me and to not spend energy and time on people who don't treat me well or are aloof. I'm trying to work on not letting people's actions upset me, but I am sensitive and it's a part of my personality to be caring and thoughtful. As for finding the "right" friends, I've met a lot of aloof, fly-by-night people and people who are very self-absorbed or too busy with husbands and children to be friends with me. I do think it's not so easy to find TRUE friends...they are out there, but hard to find. I'd rather have 2 true friends than 15 so-so friends.

I'm so sorry that you suffered from severe depression and were hospitalized. I hope your depression has gotten better over time. Oh, and welcome to this message board. I think you have a lot to offer here, and there are people here who will be supportive of you, too.

 
Old 09-27-2005, 10:54 PM   #11
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Re: Feeling let down by people

Quote:
Originally Posted by lostangel
(((((((((((Sealover))))))))))))))))
Happy Birthday!!!
Why didn't you tell us here your big day was coming up?
We would have thrown you a party! We would have made sure you wouldn't feel forgotten or lonely on your birthday!
We love you! We'll have a belated party for you, okay?
Hugs,
Angel

((((((Hi Angel)))))),

Thank you for wishing me a Happy Birthday...you are so kind. Your sweet words mean so much to me and are making me feel better.

I guess I didn't feel like I wanted to bother anyone here on this message board with my birthday, so that's why I didn't mention it until I ended up feeling utter saddness from the disappointment I felt from certain persons forgetting me.

I'm glad you wrote me to brighten my spirits!

Sending ((((HUGS)))) your way...you are loved, too!

Last edited by sealover; 09-28-2005 at 12:17 AM.

 
Old 09-27-2005, 11:27 PM   #12
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Re: Feeling let down by people

Hi John,

I missed you as well. I'm sorry that I haven't had much energy to write, plus I've been feeling badly. You know that I just can't forget about you! I hope that you are feeling better or at least that God has given you more strength to cope with your illness and with the other issues in your life.

That was so nice of you to include a part of the reading from your mom's service. The reading is so meaningful. Years ago in Catholic school, I had a nun as a teacher who told the class a story of how a man rang her convent's doorbell. When she opened the door, the man, a complete stranger, asked for something to eat because he was hungry. So the nun (my teacher) gave him a sandwich to eat. After she said goodbye and closed the door, she opened the door again, and the man was nowhere in sight. The lesson the nun wanted us to learn was that you never know when you will encounter God, and so it is important to treat all persons as you would treat God.

Anyway, I've tried not to waste my heart on the wrong people, but sometimes it takes time to realize that I've been wasting my time on certain relationships. Of course, there are people who you know right off the bat that are not the type of people who you want to spend any time with. Oh, life is complicated and people are complicated. I just keep on finding people who are insincere and flakey. And the nice people I meet are too busy with their family and work or have enough friends to fill their lives with.

Hugs, love and prayers to you, too.

 
Old 09-27-2005, 11:53 PM   #13
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Re: Feeling let down by people

Hi Sam,

Thanks, Sam, for wishing me a happy birthday. Happy belated birthday to you, too!!!

I am so sorry that you were hurt on your birthday. I can imagine that it's even more painful since it is your family that let you down. I hope that next year all of your children will be there for you on your birthday and that your parents will do something special with you. Children can be hurtful towards their parents, but later in life they may start to really appreciate their parents and realize how they took their parents for granted. Maybe your children still need to learn how you should be #1 in their lives.

I can relate to how you felt on your birthday because my brother has intentionally not sent me any birthday cards for the past 2 years and no Christmas card as of last year. He sent cards to everyone else in the immediate family, so I was the only one he left out for reasons that I don't know. Yet I was at his 40th birthday party and I was at his retirement party and I have always sent him cards. I've done nothing bad to him, but he can be such a jerk. It hurts. I can't tell him how I feel because he will get very angry. He doesn't want to know anything. If he wanted to be close to me, I would welcome him, but he is so aloof.

You asked how my foot is. That was nice of you to ask! Well, I've been making sure that I don't stay on my feet for too long because then my foot will be in too much pain.

I read part of the thread you had started. Know that you are loved and are not alone. I wish I could be there for you as a friend in person.

Thanks for sending me hugs...I'm sending some right back at you ((((Sam)))).

 
Old 09-27-2005, 11:57 PM   #14
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Common Sense HB User
Re: Feeling let down by people

hey sealover, I kinda feel the same with everyone. I've come to a realization that you will always get depressed if you expect the same thing from the people that you were nice to. Now, I don't have any expectations at all when I do something nice to others. I try to find the joy by the fact that I'm making someone happy. If everyone were to be like us (who care much about others), this world would be a better place... don't you think?

 
Old 09-28-2005, 12:20 AM   #15
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Samantha317 HB User
Re: Feeling let down by people

Hi Sealover
I agree, it would be wonderful if we could be friends in real life. But, I still value your friendship on the boards.

I don't know why your brother chooses to be that way. It's his loss, though.

I hope you feel better soon. Hopefully you will find some more good friends here. There are a lot of caring people here.

When the right time comes, you will meet a good real life friend.

Love and hugs,
Sam

 
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