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Old 09-27-2005, 04:50 AM   #1
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Tired of not fitting in

I've had an internet account since 1996. I've been on hundreds of message boards in that time. I have been banned from most of them. Why? Because what seems like logical good sense to me apparently is verboten to everyone else. Or maybe people just don't like me. I see people join forums and before you know it they have friends asking about them and all that. For me? Nothing. Never. I get banned and it's like I never existed. I don't fit in anywhere. And I mean anywhere. I used to have friends, but several years ago I did a little experiment. I wanted to see how many of my friends were actually friends. So I asked each one for a simple favor. Nothing too harsh, just something that would inconveinance them a little. Just to see if they really like me, or what I did for them or gave them. Come to find out I did really have any friends at all. Just people that found it easy to use me for things. It's all very depressing. People ask for advice on forums and I give it. Logical, honest advice. So my posts get deleted or I get banned. Everywhere I go. Places I can't get banned like usenet just become hostile and mean. I don't understand it. It's like I am some kind of alien. No one accepts me, no one really cares other than my family what I do.

So I recently try to start dating again and every woman I meet is so different than me that I am getting very discouraged. I conversate with them and the next thing I know I have said something that makes them mad. How am I supposed to change my entire world view in order to fit in? If I wasn't so awfully lonely I would just go find a place in the woods to live and stay there. Society has never accepted me. I thought that when I grew up that there would be people like me that I could find and be around. There are people for everyone it seems. There are some awfully disgusting things that people are into and they have peer groups. But me? Nope. Not one. And I ain't into anything sick or strange. I am just sick of it. What do I keep trying to fit into places? After being banned from at least 100 forums, having no friends, never getting promotions because I just can't fit in with the conversations at the water cooler, not having a relationship with anyone other than my kids or immediate family in about 10 years, I am loosing it. I've joined clubs, lots of them. Never made a single friend at one of them. Mostly people avoid me for some reason. Why? Cause I loathe sports? Because I don't care about racing? Because I find sitcoms stupid? Because I would rather fish, read a book, see a dvd, play my guitar, listen to music, etc, anything rather than drink in a crowd at a bar? I just don't understand it. It's been like this since the second grade.
I thought I found a soulmate a long time ago. She was my best friend for about 5 years. We were constant companions. Even had kids together. But she ended up not liking me either and that ended and all I have left from it is my kids. I haven't had anyone I could really talk to since we broke up. I just don't know what to do anymore. I've had it.

 
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Old 09-28-2005, 03:14 AM   #2
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Re: Tired of not fitting in

Hi there,
It is kind of hard to know what you have said and done to offend other people when you don't really know what it was yourself.
Honest, logical advice sounds good to me but I think that a lot of people say they want honesty and then when someone is honest about something, they find it wasn't what they wanted to hear and all of a sudden they are offended, so did they actually want honesty or not?

I also found it hard to fit in with people, not to the extent of your problem but I certainly found I struggled - for a while I didn't understand what was the matter with me, why could I not have friends like other people? But then later on I began to realise that I just seem to look at the world a little differently and that people can find that a little offputting. Again people say they want a world full of many kinds of people but then they also seem to fear others who are different, they are not sure how to deal with it and back off. So did they really mean what they said?

I guess people just don't know what they want. So perhaps that is why so many find it so hard to fit in. The questions you have asked in your post are very good ones, if someone knows the answers to them all they'll be making a hell of a lot of money, maybe that is why all these books about how to 'make friends and influence people' sell so well.

I am sorry you are feeling so bad and that you have been disappointed by many people. Here is a good place to write it all down on the page, I hope that has released a little steam for you. Noone here will expect good water cooler conversations or chit chat about sports, sitcoms or the weather, the people here are really good people who offer any advice or words of comfort they can.

I do have one question though, if you find people to be so unwelcoming towards you why is it you want so much to have relationships with them? In my case I always found that whatever people were talking about or were interested in, I wasn't or whatever I seemed to believe, others seemed to find weird, or suprising, maybe even shocking sometimes and over time I just got tired of dealing with people who seemed to be from some other planet somehow (which for a while was practically everyone) so I decided to go and do some of the things I wanted to do regardless, on my own, without imput or advice from others. This resulted in backpacking across Austalia on my own for 2 years. Is there something you really want to do? Do you have dreams?

Over time I found that being different wasn't so bad, it served me in other ways, if people found me strange then I didn't feel upset about that any more - I was going to live my life, my way, anyway. Don't sell yourself short or water yourself down just for the sake of others, that is not really you. Over time I met people who found my differences an interesting and wonderful thing. I hope you can too.

Post whenever you need to, all the best.

 
Old 09-28-2005, 05:58 AM   #3
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Lostwon HB User
Re: Tired of not fitting in

I hear ya. I don't fit in either and I can't say so much of what I really want to, so I end up being superficial a lot which I hate. What kind of things get you banned exactly? I'm curious.

 
Old 09-28-2005, 02:24 PM   #4
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Re: Tired of not fitting in

Quote:
Originally Posted by Lostwon
I hear ya. I don't fit in either and I can't say so much of what I really want to, so I end up being superficial a lot which I hate. What kind of things get you banned exactly? I'm curious.
Let's see, I got banned from a gun forum because I said a movie that was posted showing some farmers in Iraq being murdered wasn't funny. I got banned from one political forum for saying that I wouldn't vote for a RINO. I got banned from another forum for saying that the supreme court decided poorly on some subject or the other, banned for stating my take on my favorite band's lyrics on it's forum (and even insulted by the lead singer), banned from another forum for telling a person that she was overreacting about something, it just goes on and on. Other people say the exact same things and they don't get banned because they have friends and such on the forums who let things slide. Some boards I have been a member of since they started and it's still like I'm a newbie there. On one of them my number is 200. They have over 40,000 members now and I still don't have any friends there.

I don't understand what it is.

 
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