i'm a new college freshman and although i've never been diagnosed with depression before, i can't help but wonder if i've had it for a long time and only now is it surfacing as a result of the dramatic change i've experienced.
let me explain.
since i've been at school, i've felt nothing but irritable, exhausted, lonely, and completely hopeless. It's not "out of nowhere", by any means. My family and I are close, I love my hometown, my boyfriend is 2 hours away, I miss my friends... My courseload is very difficult, I'm having a lot of trouble finding friends, everyone at this campus gets completely wasted every weekend and honestly, I'm really just not interested in doing that. I've always kind of considered myself as someone who liked being alone and that I didn't "need" anyone...but I'm learning very quickly that perhaps I was wrong. I haven't sleep a whole night yet... I'm always completely exhausted and cranky...when I talk to my boyfriend on the phone he always thinks I'm mad at him... I cry for random reasons (I hit my head on a shelf and burst into tears...not normal for me). But since I was young I've also always believed that I would cope and deal with my problems by myself... that I would never take "the easy way out" by stamping depression as a label for my inability to function. I feel ashamed that I cannot escape my problems (I know I shouldn't and that it's OKAY to be depressed...but I can't help it).
If i do in fact have depression, i wonder if i have had this for much longer than a month and have just done an excellent job of repressing it for all these years. when i've felt depressed in the past, i've watched football with my dad...or gone out to dinner with the girls, or gone to a movie with my boyfriend.
however, there is one sort of landmark event in my life that perhaps was the beginning of all of this: during my senior year in high school i fell in love (and i mean fell in love) with my current boyfriend after we went to homecoming together...but soon realized he did not feel the same. (it took him 6 months to get his head on straight) during those 6 months i was literally at rock bottom. i hardly smiled, i woke up dreading the day to follow, i went through the motions of my life with no motivation...it was awful. the only thing that kept me going was the little support from my friends, soccer, and the hope that one day he and i would be together.
that day did infact come... but i'm wondering if the depression never went away completely...and now that i am in a completely unfamilar situation with none of my support system, perhaps it is surfacing yet again.
what do you think?? is this depression at all?? or just my teenage inability to adjust to a new and scary situation??
I'm a college freshman, too, and considering that you've had mental problems in the past, I'm guessing it's depression. Your reactions aren't the norm for a freshman, and the fact that you're bursting into tears, not sleeping, and unable to cope with the tiniest of matters indicates that it's more than a simple adjustment problem. Mental illnesses are notorious for flaring up in times of stress, when you don't need the extra toll on your nerves. I have OCD, and possible cyclothymia, and believe me, I've had many breakdowns these past few weeks due to change, lack of structure, annoyance with people, and instability. Not homesick whatsoever, but taking an OCD-er out of their comfort zone into a place that doesn't involve routines, isn't exactly the best situation! If you ever want to talk or vent, I'm here; I understand completely how hard it is to be a student with a mental illness. I struggle to get through each and every day, which isn't helped by the fact that I'm in the process of switching meds, and I'm on less Zoloft, so I'm having a hard time balancing my frustration... And then, we get the added bonus of being surrounded by people who have no idea how much we have to suffer. Good luck and God bless!
"Not everything that steps out of line, and thus 'abnormal,' must necessarily be 'inferior.'"
Last edited by GatsbyLuvr1920; 09-27-2005 at 08:45 PM.