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Old 09-27-2005, 11:41 PM   #1
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Common Sense HB User
I don't get along with anyone... Am I really the problem?

I've heard the quote "if you have a problem with everyone you know, you should know that YOU are the problem." According to that quote, it seems like I'm the problem. I don't literally have a problem with every single person I know, but I think I often hate the majority of people I know. I'm currently a college student studying engineering. To be honest, I should be studying for my classes tomorrow but I don't think I can do anything until I feel better with my situation.

My mother passed away when I was 13 years old, and I lived with my grandparents since my father wanted to be away from her death. (he didn't tell me and my siblings about her death until 4-5 months later worrying that we would get too shocked) After it happened, my life had changed. Not because of the fact that my mother had passed away, but because of the fact that how my so-called family (grandparents, uncle, & aunt) treated me and my siblings. Even though it was not our choice to live with them, we always got the blames for everything and often fought with them for stupid things. I could feel their hatred for my family when I talked to them. Often times, we were mentally and verbally abused. One time, my uncle beat up my brother with a baseball bat for eating his breakfast too slow and talking too much. When he showed me his bruises, they were just BLACK. not red, not pink, just black. (he was 5 years old at the time.) This is just one of many incidents. I don't think I could finish this thread tonight if I talk about everything that had happened. My father was somewhat financially well off, and a lot of their hatred came from the jealousy. My father really pitied us for not being able to live with parents and the death of my mother and he bought us whatever we wanted whenever he came to visit us. (he could not live with us because he had a job in a different country at the time.)

So after living like this for years, my personality became very ugly and it often made me get very upset for small things that people normally wouldn't get upset for. I did become stronger mentally but at the same time, I've become very weak. My so-called grandfather brainwashed me to think I'm stupid. Even when I got awards from school, he would say I'm a dumbass because I couldn't receive better awards. I currently don't have much self-confidence due to all that brainwashing. I'm also having trouble with many friends because I find it very hard to trust people since I couldn't even trust my own "family" before. I never show people any weaknesses and easily get upset if I'm made fun of. If someone does one thing wrong to me, I just close the door and never try to talk to them again. (even tho I understand that everyone makes mistakes) I guess you can say I'm afraid to fully trust someone and let everything inside of me revealed to others. I've also got things stolen (my car was broken into couple times too) since I became a college student and I no longer trust anyone including my significant other (whenever i have one). I always lock my door and try to have all my stuff in my room so nobody can get to it. I'm also easily discouraged if people make negative comments about me or things that I've done. It drives me crazy to the point where I just wish that I never existed.

I have a lot more things to say but I think I should stop here for now. I would really appreciate if you guys could give me some tips that would improve my life. Thank you for reading.

Last edited by Common Sense; 09-27-2005 at 11:45 PM.

 
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Old 09-28-2005, 12:29 AM   #2
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Samantha317 HB User
Re: I don't get along with anyone... Am I really the problem?

Hi Common Sense

Welcome to the boards!

It's hard to trust when youv'e been shown by everyone that you are close to and love that you can't trust them.

I think you would benefit from counseling. Have you tried to talk to someone there at the University?

I hope you continue to post and you may find it helps to make some friends here.

Best wishes,
Sam

 
Old 09-28-2005, 06:08 AM   #3
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Join Date: Jul 2005
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Lostwon HB User
Re: I don't get along with anyone... Am I really the problem?

I have also been struggling with this. Lately when I want to criticize someone (mentally) and i'm really getting ticked off, I follow up with something I really like about that person. This is helping my attitude somewhat.
Some people really are idiots but there are a lot of good people too. Maybe it would help too if you find people you relate to more, that you can really talk to.

 
Old 09-28-2005, 06:20 AM   #4
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Join Date: Sep 2005
Posts: 78
MildDepJeff HB User
Re: I don't get along with anyone... Am I really the problem?

I know somewhat how you feel. My family was rarely physically abusive, but mentally we were always treated like we HAD to be smarter or better than everyone or we were not good enough. I wound up feeling a lot like you do in college... Tiny criticisms from other people made me really upset, I'd get really defensive... Never show weakness to others... low self esteem, hate making even the smallest mistake.

The only way to really get through it is by finding someone you can trust and talking about it. This of course is very hard to do when you aren't used to trusting someone. You might find it easier to talk to a counselor or therapist, because you can tell yourself logically that this is a person who A) is a professional, B) is being paid to be trustworthy, and C) doesn't know any of your friends or family so can't really betray your trust to anyone important. That can help you convince yourself to talk to them.

Another idea is if you have any friends who MIGHT be close enough to be trustworthy, try telling them that you'd like to trust them with some personal stuff but you have a really hard time trusting people so you'd appreciate it if they would be understanding about it... ask them to be patient and not push you on stuff if you start talking to them. If they're a good friend they'll understand and then you can start talking a little tiny bit at a time. Also make it clear when you are telling them something that you don't want shared... that way they won't accidentally share something that you thought was private.

In my experience women are easier to talk to than men about stuff... just a suggestion . I know it's a stereotype, but it's also mostly true that women are better listeners.

 
Old 09-28-2005, 08:39 AM   #5
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Common Sense HB User
Re: I don't get along with anyone... Am I really the problem?

I really appreciate your responses. I think I'm going to make an appointment for counseling. Please continue to give me suggestions.

 
Old 09-29-2005, 10:05 AM   #6
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Common Sense HB User
Re: I don't get along with anyone... Am I really the problem?

I've been getting panic attacks also.. Is there anything I can do to prevent it?

 
Old 09-29-2005, 11:04 AM   #7
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Join Date: Dec 2002
Posts: 3,597
Jennita HB User
Re: I don't get along with anyone... Am I really the problem?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Common Sense
I've heard the quote "if you have a problem with everyone you know, you should know that YOU are the problem." According to that quote, it seems like I'm the problem. I don't literally have a problem with every single person I know, but I think I often hate the majority of people I know. I'm currently a college student studying engineering. To be honest, I should be studying for my classes tomorrow but I don't think I can do anything until I feel better with my situation.

My mother passed away when I was 13 years old, and I lived with my grandparents since my father wanted to be away from her death. (he didn't tell me and my siblings about her death until 4-5 months later worrying that we would get too shocked) After it happened, my life had changed. Not because of the fact that my mother had passed away, but because of the fact that how my so-called family (grandparents, uncle, & aunt) treated me and my siblings. Even though it was not our choice to live with them, we always got the blames for everything and often fought with them for stupid things. I could feel their hatred for my family when I talked to them. Often times, we were mentally and verbally abused. One time, my uncle beat up my brother with a baseball bat for eating his breakfast too slow and talking too much. When he showed me his bruises, they were just BLACK. not red, not pink, just black. (he was 5 years old at the time.) This is just one of many incidents. I don't think I could finish this thread tonight if I talk about everything that had happened. My father was somewhat financially well off, and a lot of their hatred came from the jealousy. My father really pitied us for not being able to live with parents and the death of my mother and he bought us whatever we wanted whenever he came to visit us. (he could not live with us because he had a job in a different country at the time.)

So after living like this for years, my personality became very ugly and it often made me get very upset for small things that people normally wouldn't get upset for. I did become stronger mentally but at the same time, I've become very weak. My so-called grandfather brainwashed me to think I'm stupid. Even when I got awards from school, he would say I'm a dumbass because I couldn't receive better awards. I currently don't have much self-confidence due to all that brainwashing. I'm also having trouble with many friends because I find it very hard to trust people since I couldn't even trust my own "family" before. I never show people any weaknesses and easily get upset if I'm made fun of. If someone does one thing wrong to me, I just close the door and never try to talk to them again. (even tho I understand that everyone makes mistakes) I guess you can say I'm afraid to fully trust someone and let everything inside of me revealed to others. I've also got things stolen (my car was broken into couple times too) since I became a college student and I no longer trust anyone including my significant other (whenever i have one). I always lock my door and try to have all my stuff in my room so nobody can get to it. I'm also easily discouraged if people make negative comments about me or things that I've done. It drives me crazy to the point where I just wish that I never existed.

I have a lot more things to say but I think I should stop here for now. I would really appreciate if you guys could give me some tips that would improve my life. Thank you for reading.
You were raised by a rotten bunch of people who made you feel just as rotten. Children learn what they live. I think you should see them for what they are, not at all people you want to pattern yourself after nor people that you should even consider as having an opinion about you worth listening to.

Trust is a much more complicated issue. Most people in the world are not all that trustworthy, but don't over-worry about that because alot of people are sincere to some degree.

Counseling sounds good. The panic attacks are no doubt coming from fear, fear of being exactly what they said you were. But their opinion means nothing, it is just their opinion. If you follow their example, however, and become like them, then maybe the question you posed "Am I the problem" might have a yes vote. So go to counseling and learn how not to be like them. Good luck to you!

 
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