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Old 09-29-2005, 06:54 AM   #1
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Unhappy I'm so confused and Depressed PLEASE HELP ME

Hi everyone. I hope I've come to the right board, I really need support right now..

I've been feeling really down and out. Let me try to start at the beginning so that maybe this will all make sense and you can give me your best thoughts and advice.

I was working at a job for 5 years. Nearing the end of my time with this particular job, I wasn't really too happy there, but it was comfortable. I liked the people I worked with just not the job. I got married in August of 04 to a wonderful man and although we didn't meet at work, he worked in the warehouse where I worked. I heard of the opening there in the warehouse (I worked in customer service inside the offices) and I told my husband (then boyfriend) that there was an opening. He wasn't happy at his job and he needed a pay increase. He came to work where I worked. We never saw each other, so it was ok, we weren't on top of one another all day long.

Anyway, after we got married in Aug of 2004 things at that company started going down hill fast. They were firing people left and right, there were rumors circulating that we had been bought out by another company and so on and so forth. By Jan 14th of 2005 or somewhere around that date, I walked in to work like any other normal day and EVERY SINGLE EMPLOYEE was in the kitchen sitting down, and there were all these men in business suits waiting for the last few people to arrive to work. I didn't even get to go to my desk. They were there to tell all of us that the family owned company had been sold. I was totally surprised by this. Of course they sat there and said they weren't going to cut any jobs and bla bla bla, but we weren't stupid. We knew. The only people that were safe were the warehouse guys (thank goodness my husband still has his job there). The office people are gone. Long story short, I immediatley started searching hard for a job. I stumbled upon a company near by that seemed really great. I wanted the job so bad! The pay was about the same, but that was ok. The people seemed very nice. The job sounded interesting.

I was offered the job and accepted it. May 16, 2005 was my first day on the job. Ever since that day, I've had nothing but deep sadness and depression. I don't know how to explain it.

I feel like I don't fit in. People were nice to me on the first day but now I notice all the little groupy clicks here, and how people are so rude they don't say hello, when they pass or even when I go to the kitchen to get my lunch, there is a group in there, everyday I'd say hello and NOTHING in return. I thought it was weird.

I don't know if my feelings of sadness are just because I miss the people I worked with, we were close and it is hard coming to work everyday and having NO ONE. I do'nt know how long I should give it here. I like the job, much better then what I was doing before, and I never thought that this would be a problem, not having anyone to talk to here.

My husband says don't worry that I can find something else, but I am worried, I feel scared, sad, alone, I don't know how else to explain it. One minute I am fine during the day and the next minute I'm struggling.

Then the weekend comes and it is all I think about. When Sunday night rolls around I am really down, and then Monday I am up before my alarm goes off cause I have a stomach ache, and I feel alone and sad again.

PLEASE HELP ME PLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAASE!

 
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Old 09-29-2005, 07:18 AM   #2
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Re: I'm so confused and Depressed PLEASE HELP ME

Hi here4support,

I know the feeling. I have been thru a lot of jobs over the years. It is very uncomfortable and stressful when you were at one place for a wile. If there were any clicks at the last place you knew or were part of them. Now you are isolated from the group. An outsider. Your insecurity is running wild too because you lost the last job and worry about this one.

I understand people in the workforce can be cruel sometimes. Especially with new people. It has nothing to do with you personally Iím so sure. Problem is these are hard times. Some of the new people here see YOU as you seen the people in suits. Their insecurities make YOU seem like a threat to them too. Especially if you smile or stay positive as they are too miserable. Not your problem dear. This is theirs. I wish I could say there was a magic solution or special place where that wont still happen to you but I canít. We sometimes get too wrapped up in work more than our personal lives. Why? Because we spend way too much time there. You spend more time there with coworkers than with your new husband. ďBy the way congratulationsĒ You canít count the hours you sleep. Awake hours we spend more time with people at work than with our own families. Itís wrong I know but true. Dear the best I can say right now is that work is work. We donít go there for fun or they would charge us instead of pay us. When I would feel like you I would put things in perspective and realize things and people outside the work place were the only important things in this very short time here on Earth. IT WILL get better wherever you work in time. Itís like a new pair of shoes. They just need to break in in time.

I hope something here will help.

Good luck
John

 
Old 09-29-2005, 08:29 AM   #3
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Re: I'm so confused and Depressed PLEASE HELP ME

I know exactly how you feel. I felt that way at my old job... Every single sunday I would get depressed knowing I had to go there in the morning. Only in my case it was the company and the work and a few people.

I'd say if you like the work, give it some time. The people may warm up, or they may not. If they don't, you can look for a new job but don't be in too much of a hurry, it's not like you're about to lose this job or anything. Take your time and make sure you'll like both the people AND the work at the next place.

It is really hard to lose a bunch of friends and then be in a new situation with no one to talk to. No matter how well you and your husband communicate, it's still not the same as having a bunch of friends to chat with during the day. It'll be OK in the long run, just keep that in mind when you feel depressed. And come on here and chat with us .

 
Old 09-29-2005, 01:46 PM   #4
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Unhappy Re: I'm so confused and Depressed PLEASE HELP ME

Hi JohnDiv & MildDepJeff!

Thank you so much for your undesrtanding and support. I really needed it today. I had a really bad day mostly this morning but I'm still having the feelings now.

I actually had to go in and talk to my boss about it. She was real nice, quite understanding. It makes it a little better but still not 100%. She told me a lot of nice things. She said she knows how hard it must be for me and how isolated I must feel. She said she feels isolated and she has worked here for over 10yrs. She told me that she even went to the human resource lady and told her she feels for me! This was before I even said anything. She totally knows how clicky those groups of people are and she knows there isn't anyone here that I can really be friends with as a co-worker.

There is an opening upstairs cause a girl up there is moving to Arizonia. Get this, my boss and the human resource manager asked me if I have any friends or anyone that would want to interview for that position!! They said they'd be happy to get any recommondendations from me.

Then my boss was telling me something else I didn't realize. Every year when you get your review and it is time for a raise, you can get up to 5% which is probably average. However, I didn't know that on top of that you get a bonus, up to 8% of your salary that you can take in one lump sum or have it spread out however you want it!

Now, all that being said, why do I STILL feel down? GEESH. I'm glad I can come in here, I was glad that there were responses. Since I still feel pretty down, I hope to have some more!!!

 
Old 09-29-2005, 01:57 PM   #5
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Re: I'm so confused and Depressed PLEASE HELP ME

Because money isn't everything . I took a huge pay cut when I switched jobs but I'm a lot happier now.

Sounds like you are suffering from depression. That's how I felt a lot before starting an AD, if anything got me down I'd just stay down, even when good things happened. It would take me a long time to feel better. My doctor basically put me on an AD (Lexapro) to get me feeling better and get me through the current stressful period in my life, but she doesn't anticipate me being on it forever or anything.

I would definitely recommend a few of your friends from your last job to your boss. It would be good to have someone you are already friends with to work with again.

 
Old 09-29-2005, 02:12 PM   #6
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Re: I'm so confused and Depressed PLEASE HELP ME

I've been at my job for 1-1/2 years now. It was over a year before people STARTED to act as though they accepted me. It's a tough crowd to break into here -- lots of clicks.

I tell you this to tell you not to get too discouraged... some places are harder to break into than others.

Hang in there.

 
Old 09-29-2005, 04:21 PM   #7
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Unhappy Re: I'm so confused and Depressed PLEASE HELP ME

Quote:
Originally Posted by MildDepJeff
Because money isn't everything . I took a huge pay cut when I switched jobs but I'm a lot happier now.

Sounds like you are suffering from depression. That's how I felt a lot before starting an AD, if anything got me down I'd just stay down, even when good things happened. It would take me a long time to feel better. My doctor basically put me on an AD (Lexapro) to get me feeling better and get me through the current stressful period in my life, but she doesn't anticipate me being on it forever or anything.

I would definitely recommend a few of your friends from your last job to your boss. It would be good to have someone you are already friends with to work with again.


MildDepJeff: I do understand that money $$$$ isn't everything, but I also know that there is no way I can take a huge pay cut, we are barely making it now, and I do mean barely. Our house payment is more then my paychecks are! It is difficult. Also, I was on Lexapro, for about 3 weeks. I did NOT feel that it was doing anything for me, not at all.

When I was leaving work today, my boss said "I'm worried about you, no one should be this unhappy-we'll talk tomorrow, maybe there is a solution to this"

That is what she said to me, I don't know what to think now. I don't think they want to fire me or anything but now I"m wondering what the heck they will say. I did ask if I could work from 7:30am-4pm instead of 8:30am-5pm but she said she doubted that they would let me, so I don't know if it has something to do with that.....

I'm just at a loss. One minute I'm ok and the next I'm down low as low can be. I came home and talked to my husband about it, tried to be as positive as I could. It made me feel a little better to talk positively about it, and what good things may come out of this. He just listens though (which is fine) I don't really think he knows what to say.

Thanks again for checking back in.....I appreciate that I'm getting support here. Right now it is 7:30pm and I'm about to go take a shower and watch Survivor.....than OFF TO BED. I just hope I sleep and most of all that I can make it through the day tomorrow with out crying or feeling extremely sad.

I'm sure I'll be on tomorrow checking back in and giving updates.

I just don't want anyone to think I'm just a fly by the night person that is posting here. I truly feel REALLY DOWN and I really need support.

P.S. I called my counselor to make an appt. but he hasn't gotten back to me yet.

 
Old 09-29-2005, 04:24 PM   #8
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Unhappy Re: I'm so confused and Depressed PLEASE HELP ME

Quote:
Originally Posted by sickofeffexor
I've been at my job for 1-1/2 years now. It was over a year before people STARTED to act as though they accepted me. It's a tough crowd to break into here -- lots of clicks.

I tell you this to tell you not to get too discouraged... some places are harder to break into than others.

Hang in there.

Wow sickofeffexor! It kind of gives me hope that you took a while to warm up to your job also. It is just strange for me cause every place I've ever worked I've made friends pretty fast. Here there just ISNT anyone to be friends with. People have their groups, and even my own boss told me it is hopeless with those people. I just feel like I like my job but not feeling like I am fitting in. GEESH. THanks for responding, I really appreciate it.

 
Old 09-30-2005, 06:22 AM   #9
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Unhappy Re: I'm so confused and Depressed PLEASE HELP ME

sigh, I'm here at work today, but I didn't sleep at all last night

 
Old 09-30-2005, 06:51 AM   #10
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Re: I'm so confused and Depressed PLEASE HELP ME

Hi here4support,

Itís FRIDAY!!!!!

You need to show more enthusiasm than that on this day!!! I think thatís a law, isnít it??? LOL!!! Hey I would have tried something today!!! FRIDAY!!! One place I worked I was able to bribe the new people with goodies!!! Doughnuts or fresh baked foods or snacks. Lemon slices went over big at break as well as cupcakes I seem to remember!!! Maybe it will work for you too!!! I hope so because if they are real rough it might be hard if they reject it. Try reaching out like this too. Iím telling you once again they will come around Iím sure of it!!!

John

 
Old 09-30-2005, 07:09 AM   #11
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Re: I'm so confused and Depressed PLEASE HELP ME

Hey I wasn't SUGGESTING taking a pay cut! Never take a pay cut if you can avoid it. You were just saying you were getting more money but it wasn't making you feel better... That's all I was talking about.

Make sure you tell your husband you appreciate him listening. I can tell you it is hard listening to your wife's problems and not having any suggestions. It'll make him feel better to know that having him listen makes you feel a little better.

Remember every person is different, if your doctor thinks an anti-depressant might help, keep trying 'em until you find one that works. Also some take like 6 weeks to start working.

Settling into a new job can take a while... It took me like 8 or 10 months to become good friends with anyone at my current job. Then she quit . Although there's another guy I'm fairly good friends with now. Keep hoping... plus it sounds like your boss is trying to be friendly... I've never had a boss that noticed I was upset about anything.

 
Old 09-30-2005, 09:29 AM   #12
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Unhappy Re: I'm so confused and Depressed PLEASE HELP ME

Well today they called me in my bosses office and basically they were still being nice, but said they hate seeing me this way, they said they know I'm unhappy, so they are leaving the ball in my court. I was placed here through an agency, so they told me I can think it over on the weekend and then let them know if I want them to call the agency back and see if there is something else that would suit me. They wouldn't kick me to the curb and leave me w/nothing. Just that I have that window of an option, and they would hate to see me go, but they see I'm unhappy and not much else they can do or offer.

The thing is, IM SICK to my stomach. I have not slept, I'm not hungry, I'm depressed. I feel like I'm not going to make it through the day. I'm scared about starting another new job, I'm so confused.

 
Old 09-30-2005, 09:40 AM   #13
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Re: I'm so confused and Depressed PLEASE HELP ME

(((((((( here4support ))))))))

I understand. These guys sound sooooo nice and understanding. That isGREAT!!!

Are you off tomorrow??? Perhaps you should spend the weekend to think about it after you get some rest. You are tired and your judgment might be impaired from it.

God bless you right now. I will say some prayers for you for guidance.

Sincerely
John

 
Old 09-30-2005, 09:44 AM   #14
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Re: I'm so confused and Depressed PLEASE HELP ME

Wow I'm sorry you're feeling so bad! I wish I could help... It definitely sounds like you're showing the symptoms of real depression. I would talk to a doctor about it again. Did you get an appointment with the counselor yet? If not, call 'em back... I've had some doctors and whatnot who are terrible about calling back, I just have to call until I actually talk to a human rather than voice mail.

My personal feeling is that another job won't make you feel better, at least not right away... Because it'll be another new set of people to get to know and you'll be back at square one.

I would tell your boss that you are having some trouble night now but that it is not the job and if they can be understanding for a little while you will work on feeling better. The last thing you need is more worries about losing your job or money or anything like that. But it really sounds like your boss is being understanding... so it doesn't seem like you have to worry about that aspect of things.

 
Old 09-30-2005, 10:12 AM   #15
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Unhappy Re: I'm so confused and Depressed PLEASE HELP ME

I am off this weekend. I was asked to think things over and let them know what I want to do. I don't know, I've never been depressed like this before. It all started when I started this job here. I've never felt this way before....it is horrible. I feel so down and low. I need to keep talking today on here to get through my work day, I'm on the verge of telling my boss I need to leave, I do feel like puking I've already made myself so sick over this.

I called my husband on his lunch and he asked how themeeting went but I couldn't talk to him, fear I'd break down. I told him I'd talk to him tonight. I'm nervous about that too. I don't want him to thikn of me as a failure..*sigh*

I really need a friend

 
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