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Old 10-04-2005, 08:02 AM   #1
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-Jellybean- HB User
Just rambling on ...

Ok, I figure I can give you all some info on myself. I Have mood swings, and I am generally not a happy person. I sit home all the time, I don't want to go out, I don't even want to call my friends on the phone. I just stay home, watch TV or work on my website. ( I am 23) I am uncomftorble going out in public ( because I am a heffer ) It has been hard for me to lose weight and I am convinced that being unhappy and stressed is not helping me lose weight when I do try. But that is besides the point. My parents were never that "close" couple. We never went on family vacations, and very rarley did anything as a family. While going through HS, I didn't really notice too much, I was going out and doing my own thing with friends, was having a great time. My senior year, I noticed how my dad wasn't coming home, or if he decided to come home he was drunk. I couldn't stand it. At that time, we were going to be moving a few towns over and it was decided that my mom and I would move into a new house, and my dad was going to live with his Girlfriend. He would come home sometimes drunk and I would cry myself to sleep because I hated him so much for drinking all the time and I couldn't wait to move. When we did move, he never seems me or calls me, I would call him, but decided why should I be the one to always make an effort, so I stopped. He doesn't call me, doesn't stop in to see me, nothing. I mean we see each other on birthdays and holidays, and ocassionally in the middle, but that is it. I never had anyone to talk to about it. I just kept everything inside.

I am always second to my older sister, she is obviously the favorite. Even people that are not in my family can see that. I have been trying to distance myself from all of them. Everytime they ask me to do something I don't go. Why should I go, so I can get ignored the whole time? I mean come on..

My grandfather who I was close with passed away 2 years ago. I don't think I completely got over that. I feel so sad because he was staying at our house because there was better healthcare around where I live than where my granparents lived. We but him in a nursing/rehabilitation home ( to help him walk better) for a little while, for therapy. He then came home to live with us. Everyone was saying that he didn't have too much time left. I didn't want to believe it. I kept saying he was fine. I should have been in there talking with Him more. I would go in every day before work and just sit with him. He was totally out of it. Hospice gave us this book on the "stages of dying" He as on the no longer speaking stage. I remember telling him I loved him, and he said I love you too. It was so hard for him to say it but he did. I should have been in there more often with him. I am like sitting here crying as I type this because I feel so bad.

I will stop typing now. This may not make sense since I was just rambling, but maybe someone can give me advice or something if you can find a point in all of that typing.

 
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Old 10-04-2005, 08:36 AM   #2
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campingirl72 HB User
Re: Just rambling on ...

I'm so sorry!!!
I can relate to what you are feeling! My dad cheated on my mom when I was a kid and then moved away and I only got to see him once or twice a year. My mom remarried and they had 2 kids. My step dad gave them lots of love and attention, but I didn't get any. My mom was gone a lot and wasn't a huggy lovey mom. My parents didn't play games with me and do stuff with me like I do with my kids. I think it really hurt me as a kid feeling like I wasn't special and loved. I think it still really affects me today. I can also relate to having family die and feeling like you didn't spend enough time with them and tell them you loved them enough! Try not to beat yourself up over it, okay?! I think most people feel that way when someone close to them dies, you feel like you should have done things differently. I know I'm not much help, but just wanted you to know that I know how you feel and I'm sorry! Have you ever talked to a counselor or doctor about how you feel?

 
Old 10-04-2005, 09:30 AM   #3
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-Jellybean- HB User
Re: Just rambling on ...

Hi,
No, I never talked with a doctor or anything before. I keep thinking The way I am feeling is normal. That there isn't anything wrong with me, but obviously there is something that is bothering me. I should probably go and see one, maybe they can do something for me.

At what point does a Doctor give you meds for depression?

 
Old 10-04-2005, 10:22 AM   #4
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campingirl72 HB User
Re: Just rambling on ...

I was the same way as you before getting on an antidepressant ~ I didn't call any of my friends or want to go out, sitting at home all the time just watching tv ~ I was moody ~ those are all symptoms of depression ~ I think if you told a doctor about all this and how you are feeling they might offer to try an AD right away, but every doctor is different ~ from my experience, if you are going to try an AD if I were you I would ask to try Wellbutrin since you say you are overweight ~ Lexapro made me very hungry and gain a lot of weight ~ Wellbutrin makes me feel not hungry at all for the 1st time EVER! and I am losing weight ~
good luck!!!

 
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