Getting tired of waiting to see the light, fallen so deep into this hole, wondering if I will ever climb back out. Hate myself for feeling this way, hate myself for causing stress on to my wife, hate the fact I have done everything people have told me to do yet feel like I am slipping farther and farther, hate the fact my world is crumbiling and I know this but powerless to stop it. don't understand what my brain is doing to me. tired of all of these pills that are taking their toll on my body yet don't seem to be helping to put me back to normal, hate the fact I don't know what normal is...
hey trg, you're on the bungee cord friend. You go down and down and down but you have to jump to bounce back up again, and you will. It will work out. Normal is what you make it, here's hoping you can make it happy.
I keep trying to think more positive but lately it is not helping. On so many meds right now and their effects seem to be fading. Every morning I crawl out of bed and force myself to see the day in a positive light but as the day progresses I see the light fading, probaly should call the doc as the next scheduled appointment is not til November but he will say you need to give the new med longer before it kicks in, to many problems not enough answers.
It is a long hard struggle that's for sure and when you feel so terrible everyday it is no wonder that at times you just get so sick and tired of it all.
But I believe one day you will begin to feel better - it is hard to imagine when you have been feeling so low so long - but I believe it because it has happened to me. I came thru those worst days, I too had totally had enough of it all and never believed that I would feel any better but life proved me wrong. Depression is not a life sentence, however much it may feel like it, people do come thru it and begin to rebuild their lives again.
It is the waiting that is the worst part, and the longer you go thru depression, the harder it is to believe that you will one day get better but you must hang on because nobody knows what is just around the corner - life has given me so many gifts, if I hadn't have hung on, I would have missed so much, who knows what is up ahead for you?
In the meantime keep doing all that you can to get thru this - try every remedy there is in the fight against this illness - doctors, therapists, alternative therapies, changes in diet, even something like meditation, keep posting here, try to get as many of those feelings down on paper, or posted here as you can....everything....
I think the most difficult part of dealing with depression is not knowing how long the good days will last or when they will show up again. The bad days comes with the question how long is it going to last and how much lower can I go. I can handle the pain and anger as I am very familar with both, I just can not figure out how to get through that wall that leads to some form of normalcy