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Old 10-07-2005, 02:25 PM   #1
Senior Member
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Join Date: Jul 2005
Posts: 253
alsaser HB User
Unhappy help...no one will listen to me

I have a had depression since I was teen. I have been doing much better since I got on anti-depressants, still, usually once a month (I'm a female..get my drift) there's nothing I can do to avoid my feelings. I try to talk about it with my close friends and family...I have bad thoughts...but whenever I mention it to them they just jump in, "dont say things like that!" They dont understand so they push my feelings aside. Regardless, my feelings still exist whether people like them or not! Or my sis will get really upset and cry ...'dont say those things, u scare me'. I'm only looking for help, if only just to TALK about it, 'Yes I have these feelings, this isnt a threat, but these thoughts are there!' Why must I have to pretend like they dont exist cause I make people uncomfortable? I used to bottle it up, now I dont cause its not healthy, but it doesnt do me good cause I just get pushed aside, like I can magically make these feelings go away. Does anyone understand? Can I discuss this without people wanting me to snap out of it cause they dont want to deal with it? Or cause i'll upset them?

 
Old 10-07-2005, 03:16 PM   #2
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Join Date: May 2005
Posts: 1,700
Johnster HB User
Re: help...no one will listen to me

Hi Alsaser,

First off I want to thank you soooo much for your kind words and compassion to my thread.

You know this is the same exact thing I have heard from almost every “sincere” person I have ever met here and have gone over this over and over again. We all know your feelings. It adds to the feelings of isolation and loneliness. I honestly know so little about you, your personal life, the people you come in contact with or even the support you have received for all this. YET YOU ARE NOT ALONE!!! MOST OF US HERE AND I TOO TRULY UNDERSTAND!!!! OTHERS MAY NOT!

I have found some things that were important to me was to find strength in HOPE and FAITH as you see. I also find it important to find help from good doctors and change them up sometimes. And lastly I found it VERY IMPORTANT to find people like us to talk with and help us thru. This thing and people who don’t have it or understand can make us feel even worse or more isolated about ourselves. This over time snowballs into insecurities and as I spoke about before with a good friend “Social Phobias” and more. NEVER FORGET!!! You are not alone!!! You are not wrong or abnormal! You are also treatable I’m sure. I believe most of us feel “too much.” Like that’s some crime. NO DEAR. IF THAT’S THE CASE, THAT MAKES YOU SPECIAL!!! You also need to find people who speak your language too. There are many good people who will understand and listen to you. Just keep coming back and talking to people who understand and in time if you haven’t already, please consider seeking the help of a good doc too when you are comfortable.

I’m sorry and hope there is something here to help.

Good luck and God bless

Sincerely
John

 
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Old 10-07-2005, 05:55 PM   #3
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Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: NC, USA
Posts: 1,610
Samantha317 HB User
Re: help...no one will listen to me

Hi alsaser
I understand all too well. I have those feelings and struggle with them often. I think you have an incredible amount of courage to try and talk about it to your family and friends.

I get the same reaction from my family. I learned a valuable lesson about suicidal thoughts; you can have those thoughts but you don't have to act on them. It's not a crime to have those feelings.

You are right, you do need to get them out and talk about them. It's not a good thing to push your feelings inside. They will find a way to come out or resurface in another way.

I hope to get to know you better. Keep talking to us about those feelings.

Love and hugs,
Sam

 
Old 10-07-2005, 10:23 PM   #4
Junior Member
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Join Date: Apr 2005
Posts: 25
mothersbears HB User
Re: help...no one will listen to me

yes you can talk about it here thats what this board is here for, what type of feeling are you having? alot of times people don,t understand about depression and they don,t know how to deal with it ,they get scare and they think if they tell you to forget about it or stop talking about it that it all go away, but we know it won,t it,s not that simple
everyone needs someone who will just listen to them , so feel free to email me if you like and i will listen and try to help if i can, i have two daughters with depression and i have it myself so i know how u are feeling. hope to hear from u soon, love and god bless mothersbears.

 
Old 10-08-2005, 01:28 AM   #5
Senior Member
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Join Date: Jul 2005
Posts: 253
alsaser HB User
Re: help...no one will listen to me

Thank you so much for all your replies, Samantha, motherbears and John it really helps. I had a suicide attempt 16 yrs ago when i was 13 and one 12 yrs ago where I was in the hospital 2 days and a mental hsoptial for 8 days (The only people I could talk to back than about these things was my best friend and my mom. Then my best friend killed herself 11 yrs ago, my mom died of cancer 9 yrs ago.
I have had other friends die, never had a serious relationship, and pushing 30 and just feel like a failure at times. Sometimes I act so mean and push people away than regret it. I do think about suicide and contemplate it at times, think of specific ways. i think people freak out because they dont realize the point that Samantha made, I have suicidal thoughts, but it doesnt mean I'm gonna act on them!
I know John, I have to just keep my faith and realize these thoughts are from the enemy. If I quote scripture in my head during these thoughts, he flees. Or in my worst times if I can just praise God when I really dont feel like it, I know I will have my perspective change. But some days, I'm too depressed to even cry out to God. But your also right, I have to find people that do "speak my language" and understand.
I'm sorry to hear about your daughters, mothersbears having depression, that must be sooo hard for you. My niece has depresion and she just turned 14 and she has thoughts of killing herself and I just cant handle thinking about her in such pain, i love her sooo much! Thanks for your replies...i'm so glad I can come here and not be reprimanded for having my suicidal thoughts. Love you all and God bless!

 
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