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Old 10-07-2005, 04:36 PM   #1
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Eostre HB User
Introduction

Hi. This looks like a really generous, caring community. I'm excited to be posting.

I'm a seventeen year old high school senior, and I've been suffering from depression for, I think, most of my life. I suffered a severe crash this summer, and I'm still experiencing its horrific, lasting effects. I'm applying to college currently, which is a huge source of anxiety and pain, and I'm about to start a new job. I feel terribly scared and alone. I started taking Prozac and Seroquel about two weeks ago...we'll see. This is very difficult to write; I apologize for my ineloquence. I've been having a terrible time since school started this fall. I set my alarm clock for two hours before I actually need to wake to give myself ample time for the terrifying process of getting out of bed, but it's often not enough and I find myself missing school. Showers are agonizing, the water is oppressive. I've been sleeping on the floor ever since I became afraid of my mattress a few months ago. I can't concentrate. I can't write, think, speak. I'm an actor, and it's felt almost impossible to work since this latest crash. I used to wear beautiful clothes and makeup to school, now I wear baggy jeans and t-shirts. I used to constantly participate in class, now I find myself paralyzed with fear if a teacher calls on me. I used to do well on tests, write beautiful essays, be a generally good student. I seem to have lost the ability to read. I have no short term memory. I'm full of fear and I lack any semblance of hope and...I don't know.

Wow. What a way to introduce myself.

 
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Old 10-07-2005, 11:10 PM   #2
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Re: Introduction

Hi Jenny
Welcome to the boards!

Wow, indeed!! No one has ever described their shower experience and getting out of bed quite so eloquently before. I am serious, you have a gift of writing and it described EXACTLY how I feel. It takes hours to get ready and I stand in the shower and cry. I used to wear makeup even to the store. I wouldn't go out of the house without makeup. Now, I don't even bother.

I am so sorry you are having to go through this. My heart aches for you, sweetie.

Do you have a therapist? I hope your meds start helping soon.

I hope you keep posting. There are a lot of caring people here.

Love,
Sam

 
Old 10-08-2005, 12:05 AM   #3
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flinch HB User
Re: Introduction

Hi Jenny, welcome, you do i must admit have a flair for language. If you can't go to a therapist is there councilling done at your school? Mine offers it (not that i go) and i know a few that do. Hope is one of the hardest things to find, but posting and sharing is the first step - it gives us hope in you. Come back soon
xxx

 
Old 10-08-2005, 10:22 AM   #4
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Re: Introduction

Thank you for the welcomes and the support. I'm currently looking for a therapist that I feel comfortable with, but no, I'm not currently seeing someone. I should be.

Thank you.

 
Old 10-08-2005, 12:36 PM   #5
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Re: Introduction

Well good luck with finding a therapist, and with the meds, I'm sure they'll make a difference one they've had some time to kick in. What sort of acting do you do - or what do you prefer doing? Hope you're having a good weekend.
xx

 
Old 10-08-2005, 11:12 PM   #6
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Re: Introduction

I work predominantly in experimental theatre and puppetry, Flinch. Physical theatre is my passion. My weekend's been, well...crap, honestly. It's hard. It's all so hard. I just finished reading a wonderful book and I'm currently experiencing this awful feeling that I always have upon finishing really wonderful books that I am somehow enlightened and can't go on living my life the way I have up to this point, and yet I have no idea what I ought to alter. I'm also sad it's done; I'll miss it. I've been having trouble standing up straight lately. I miss that. It's only saturday though, right? There's always tomorrow. Maybe tomorrow will be a little better?

 
Old 10-08-2005, 11:47 PM   #7
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Re: Introduction

Hi Jenny

It sounds like you have a lot going on in your life right now with school, checking out colleges, a new job. Btw,does your job involve theatre work?

I've also read books that make me think, Wow! That's a great idea or what a wonderful philosophy, I'm going to give that a try. But after I'm done with the book, I just can't seem to get it together to make it happen.

Just wanted to say welcome and hope your tomorrows will be better than today.

Marcia

 
Old 10-09-2005, 12:50 AM   #8
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flinch HB User
Re: Introduction

Hi there, sorry to hear your saturday was bad, but like you said we have to look for a better tomorrow don't we. I know what you mean about the books, you suddenly see a new way of living and all the possibilities and then the reality never keeps up.
There's some wierd and wonderful things going on in that part of theatre, although i don't get to see much of it - I'm a dancer myself. A lot of it comes to our theatre though, I remember I tried to get tickets to see a piece called The Garden but couln't co-ordinate.
Anyhow what book was it? Currently I'm missing a book called I capture the castle, which was "borrowed" a long time ago and not returned. I think the Anne Rice books always give me the feeling you described tho.
Here's hoping for a better tomorrow.
xxxxxx

 
Old 10-09-2005, 11:11 AM   #9
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Re: Introduction

Quote:
Originally Posted by MarciaD
It sounds like you have a lot going on in your life right now with school, checking out colleges, a new job. Btw,does your job involve theatre work?
Yeah. It's pretty hectic. I'm actually starting work as a production apprentice this week at an off-Broadway theatre, which should be a lot of fun, but also kind of stressful. We'll see, right?

Flinch, the book was American Gods by Neil Gaiman. Wonderful.

 
Old 10-09-2005, 01:03 PM   #10
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Re: Introduction

Done. Thank you.

 
Old 10-10-2005, 01:38 PM   #11
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Re: Introduction

Ah i did wonder why the name change. I even use a different screen name to any of my other boards. A friend of mine was offered an apprenticeship at the globe, and she turned it down to work at out local!!! I thought she was mad, but then I guess it's a lot of people she knows.

 
Old 10-12-2005, 05:47 PM   #12
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lostangel HB User
Re: Introduction

Jenny / Eostre,
You have inspired me to pick up Gaiman's novel at the library and gulp it down! It is really a great book, both on the private and epic scale.
Thank you for ponting to it!

Flinch, it's almost uncanny that you mentioned I Capture the Castle (I'm yet to read it) the very same day as a friend of mine listed it as the best girl coming of age book of all times! Whoever borrowed it from you must have a great taste! (but awfully bad manners!)

Angel

 
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