Things just seem to keep piling up on top of me and the worst of it is I've stopped caring. I've been really sick this week, battling with a sinus infection and a strange sore in my throat. I've been in excrutiating pain from my throat and also from my many joint aches. I'm on so much medication now that I'm seriously nothing more than a walking zombie.
I'm on Lexapro, Strattera, Centhroid (for thyroid), birth control (for a cyst), naproxen sodium (for pain...mostly related to my cyst/endometriosis), Amoxicillin, muriphen, and Sucralfate and Lidocaine for my throat. I'm so doped up on medication I'm like going crazy.
Even worse I've fallen back into a bad habit. I've been smoking pot again. Tonight I had a severe adverse reaction and feared for my life. Tonight could have been the end of all of this...and not peacefully either...(although it would have been nice).
I've also been struggling with my fear of men. I've been obsessively watching their every move. If one comes up behind me, I turn around so I'm facing him. It scares me to death if I can't see what he's doing.
I dunno, I'm just really having a hard time again...another day, another pain....oh how it continues on....the ball of torture, covered in spikes constantly tearing the wounds open over and over again.
Oh poor thing, i wish so much that you could have one day of peace away from all this pain. Pot not good, especially when it reacts with your meds like that - hopefully you can come off at least the throat ones soon can't you?
The men thing is tricky, whats the status with your councelling at the moment? perhaps you need to find yourself some defence measures so you can be a have some confidence around them.
Lots of love and big hugs.
Glad to hear your councellor's working for you, can you tell her about the guy thing or are you working through a program? I too used to be terrified of every guy I met, perhaps it's because guys have hurt you in the past, physically or emotionally, and you haven't had a good relationship with one, as a friend or otherwise? (This is me summarising from my experiences, do feel free to put me straight). There are some guys out there (sadly astonishingly few) who can be classified as safe and in most cases they're nicer than girls to be with and I was lucky enough to meet one, then a few more, but it doesn't really make a difference around the "unsafe" ones. Like I said, for them it's good to plan ahead, make sure you know where exit routes are, practise saying "I'd like to be left alone please" etc, then instead of being overwhelmed you can run over things like that in your head.
Hope your throat feels better soon, are you still able to eat with it? I will send chicken soup as well as the hugs today. Take care of yourself ok? Oh that the wonders of modern medicine actually lived up to the name.