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Old 10-09-2005, 05:00 PM   #1
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Unhappy Ugh, i seriously think i am alone in this world.

Hey guys,

I'm 17, and lately i have been becoming more aware that things havent been the best for me. The only thing i can really be thankful for is my parents, even though i never really showed my appreciation. I cant say that i exactly get "picked on" at school, but alot of people crack jokes about me (something which i dont want to mention, isnt even relevant in my opinion), but not in the sense to actually bully me around or whatever, but usually just as friendly jokes...and they really irritate me. But i have quite a few friends actually, just none of them i can actually rely on or turn to them, so its tough to say if i should even classify them as friends. I had a few good friends in my life, but something ended up happening and ruining our friendship. It never lasted forever, but we were never able to become that good of friends as we were when we were young. Its also sad how i have just a few online friends, but i rely on people i never met in person over other people i know. Basically, i have almost nobody to turn to in times of need.

Not only have i not had too many "real" friends, but i havent been successful with women either (same reason as why some people joke about me). Only one girl has ever given me a chance, and not to call her anything that i dont want to (which she is not), but its not like getting with her couldnt be accomplished by anyone else. Not trying to call her any names because like i said its not true, but its really easy to convince her to like anyone, and i have noticed this over the past year of know her (we dated for about 3 months). She was the only one who gave me a chance, so i have been a little stuck on her over the past year. Now im pretty sure its hopeless, that i will never get back with her again. I was hanging out with her last night, and i didnt fully catch it and i dont remember 100%, but she said something like she is sorry for the things she did to me when we were dating, and she said something else after that which made it seem like us dating wasnt even anything in the first place. Sadly, even though we probably wont date again, this one girl is currently the ONLY person i can somewhat rely on. I cant say that i can fully rely on her though, its just that shes the closest one now. I just feel like crap sometimes because im always nice to her, and i dont buy her anything anymore, but i just have that deep down feeling in my gut that im being used.

Life seems really pointless to me now. I have no real friends, except for a girl who i fear that even she could be using me. I have no luck with girls, my grades in school arent great, i have plans for my future but the odds of any of it happening are kind of slim. Im only 17, a senior in high school, and i know i have the rest of my life ahead of me, just i cant really bare this feeling every day. Waking up knowing i have nearly nobody to rely on except my parents, and i cant even talk to them about everything. I know im a good person, i know im smart (even though my grades dont reflect it), i know im a kind person who could get along with many people...i just dont get to have things the way i want. Honestly, my fear is dying alone. Im not exactly contemplating suicide or anything, but i just think it would be so much easier to get rid of this pain in a split second. I dont bother turning to God either, im pretty much Atheist now.

Im not sure what im expecting out of this thread, maybe advice or some motivation. This feeling is just eating me away. Thanks for anyone who decides to put anything in here.

 
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Old 10-09-2005, 06:01 PM   #2
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Re: Ugh, i seriously think i am alone in this world.

Being 17 is a difficult time(at least it was for me). It sounds like you are dealing with the normal teenage stuff. It seems like you are having problems finding true friends, which every one struggles with.

Are you planning on college? If so you will meet a ton of people and it could be some of the best times of your life. Good luck.

 
Old 10-09-2005, 06:15 PM   #3
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Re: Ugh, i seriously think i am alone in this world.

I would love to go to college, but with my grades, the best i will get is this little local college. Im almost positive that this is just teenage problems, but i mean i havent experienced everything that a "normal" teenager has experienced. Probably wont either, i just missed out on these years, wasted them.

 
Old 10-09-2005, 06:31 PM   #4
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Re: Ugh, i seriously think i am alone in this world.

But its what i went through with that girl last night. It wasnt really an arguement, it was just settling something that happened a few weeks ago, and she was crying the entire time and i felt like crap. Before that even happened, she just mentioned something about "Sorry for the things i did when we were dating", and then i think i remember her saying "Probably shouldnt have happened anyways", and this really brought me down. I thought i found a girl that i could relate to and say that we loved each other, but i guess it wasnt true. I have been feeling all of this for awhile, just last night really topped it all off. We are still good friends after that, probably even better friends, but im not sure if i can even accept her as my real friend (as well as everyone else), i just have that subconscious feeling that its all planned out or that im being used or something.

To me it just seems that the only things that should be on my mind are school, and then after that go to work. Thats what my life should be right now, since i dont have any "real" friends, or it seems to me that way.

 
Old 10-09-2005, 08:34 PM   #5
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Re: Ugh, i seriously think i am alone in this world.

I hope you try a community college, do well and move onto a university. It can change your life!

 
Old 10-10-2005, 03:46 AM   #6
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Re: Ugh, i seriously think i am alone in this world.

Thats what i was hoping for, but i doubt i will move on to a university, at the best just a better in-state college.

 
Old 10-10-2005, 05:27 AM   #7
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Re: Ugh, i seriously think i am alone in this world.

Hi there,
So sorry that you are feeling down about your current situation.
I must say that I too had a few of the feelings that you are currently experiencing when I was 17, I had no friends, I certainly didn't have anyone who was interested in me at all, I was pretty much the blend into the background kid, utterly forgettable - I think if you were to say my name to many of the people I went to school with, not many of them would remember me at all.
I took this very hard, I felt the world had left me behind, that I was just not meant for this world and it was never going to get any better - I believed I was always going to be lonely and friendless and that the future was hopeless. I nearly took my own life.

But boy was I wrong.
I got a second chance in life, I survived my attempt to leave this world and went on to rebuild my life.
It is never too late to start again.
I went on to do so much. I decided I wanted to travel, noone wanted to come with me so I decided I would just do it anyway. I saved up all my money from mcjobs and flew to Australia. I then went on to experience the best 2 years of my life. I experienced so much, I saw so many beautiful places, I met tons of new people (including the man who is now my partner) I learned so many new things, I fell in love with life.

I am so happy to be alive. If I had died I would have missed all that.

Sure it isn't that I don't have problems or bad times, of course I do but I learned thru Depression something very important - you really don't know what lies ahead for you. Who knows what might happen to you in the future? You might meet the girl of your dreams next week! You may be thinking 'hmmm don't think so' - but it does happen!!!

It's ok to feel bad about it all from time to time, we all do - but don't give up. Life probably has a lot in store for you, things you can't even imagine right now, it is hard to believe it but it is true you just have to hang on to find out. The waiting is the hardest part - post here when you can, write down all you feelings, seek help when you feel that you are struggling.

all the best

 
Old 10-10-2005, 12:14 PM   #8
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Re: Ugh, i seriously think i am alone in this world.

About the girl i have been talking about, the reason i keep going back to her is because i will not get any other girlfriend by the time high school is over. Not only that, but we became good friends (to my knowledge, i hope so at least). So i constantly try to go back to her, i have done so many things to try to get back with her, some parts of me say i dont want to, while others are practically forcing me to date her. She told me about a month ago that she has a crush on me, then i asked if that crush still exists and she said "I dont know", i always feel like i have a chance when in reality i probably dont.

She isnt the main source of my problems, but shes there and i want things to be back the way they were when we dated, because she was my first girlfriend and i didnt appreciate it enough. Now who knows when ill get another.

As for friends, i doubt i can actually rely on any of them.

 
Old 10-10-2005, 06:57 PM   #9
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Re: Ugh, i seriously think i am alone in this world.

Ugh, well i can take one "friend" off the list for sure.

Another thing that really irritates me is my cell phone. I was so anxious to get it awhile ago, and i noticed it never rings anymore. My ten recent calls were my mom, my house, Marlee (the girl i have mentioned alot, and this is the only real phone call), a person if i can pick him up in the morning, and another person if i can pick him up in the morning too. Other than when they get something out of it, it never rings, Marlee is an exception most of the time...i hope.

 
Old 10-11-2005, 06:36 PM   #10
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Re: Ugh, i seriously think i am alone in this world.

Ugh, not to be selfish, but i expected a little more. Im just really in a bad mood all the time lately.

 
Old 10-15-2005, 12:33 PM   #11
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Re: Ugh, i seriously think i am alone in this world.

...anyone?

 
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