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Old 10-10-2005, 08:11 PM   #1
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brokenspirit HB User
Here I go again

Do you ever feel like you are on a merry go round? It should be called something else besides that though. terror go round that sounds better.
You feel like you are going so fast round and around in circles then things start to slow and you feel like you are finally gonna get off this thing then someone gives it another hard push and your start going around faster than you were before. that is the way this thing depressions seems to be doing to me. I jsut wish this stupid ride would stop. Please someone make it stop and let me get off. I dont want to ride this ride anymore.
I feel like im walking on egg shells at home , just waiting for him to blow up at anytime. I truely do not know if I can handel anymore. I just want off this stupid ride I want to feel alive again I want to feel loved and wanted . I wish people could see inside my home and see what I have to put up with and the way that I have to live. things are getting worse everyday.
No im not going to hurt myself, ive came along way from that. Not that it still doesnt enter my mind because it does but I know that if I can hold on it will start to get better if only for a little while.
love you all and pray for everyone of you everyday
I hope life is treating each and every single one of you with the most kindness and happiness that you could ever stand
love and prayers,
cathy

 
Old 10-10-2005, 08:56 PM   #2
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tiramisu08 HB User
Re: Here I go again

Have you tried to go back to the time from long ago just to re-live the moment? I tried, doesn't work no more.

 
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Old 10-11-2005, 04:46 AM   #3
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HayleyApps HB User
Re: Here I go again

I sympathise with you 100% ! Its completely horrible, and at times seems endless. When on this "merry" go round, its hard to keep a happy medium of your personality,

sometimes sad, sometimes happy, sometimes restless, scared, angry, frustrated, but I find at my worst stage of this merry go round, I just want the whole world to go away, I stay home, don't even go down stairs, cant be bothered to get dressed, eat, do my hair and make up because i simply see no point.

Most peoples reactions to my moods are usually either "Pull your self together" or they basically dont understand.

But trust me, you're not alone in feeling this way.

HayleyX

 
Old 10-11-2005, 06:14 AM   #4
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Johnster HB User
Re: Here I go again

Cathy,

It’s me your crazy friend again!!! LOL!!! I dreamed of this same reoccurring dreams for years again a couple weeks ago. You know years ago I talked about that same crazy “merry go round.” It scared and upset me everyday. Then one day I went to this big theme park near my home and something changed me for a wile. I realized how mistaken I was in that description of that poor “merry go round.” I had been picking on such a beautiful wonderful ride. Mine happened to be one of these two tear high rides. No one ever rides the bottom story??? LOL!!! An amazing carousel ride next followed. Beautiful horses and animals of many kinds to choose from went up and down and round and round wile the old fashioned music played. Both by day and by night it made no difference. What I realized is that this ride and many others in this park were almost a waste of money, time or energy and electricity. Too much a waste of everyone’s effort including the employees, time and money for nothing? Every ride including all the roller coasters all ran up and down and round and round for WHAT PURPOSE? It really went nowhere and ended where it started? Yet look closely at this park. People young and old running screaming smiling with delight as they walk with goodies and become excited over worthless junk they wasted more money on in a game with balls instead of going out and buying it instead. At that moment I ask what does everyone see that I don’t? Same park, same rides. It must be me. Now I like all the rides! I love them all! Weather it’s the fear of the roller coasters, the dizzy spinning of the tilt a whirl or the graceful up and down spinning motion of the "merry go round." I enjoy all those precious rides now!!! They don’t have to make sense anymore. I feel the same about the thrill rides of my life’s ups and downs too!

Cathy,

I never stayed long in that state that starts with a K yet drove thru several times and was in awe of it’s beauty like many places. I think that’s where you said you were from once? I’m unsure if there is a theme park where you live either. Perhaps you need more theme parks or fairsor something and real merry go-rounds to play on!!! ANYTHING! Find new fun things for you and your family!!! You see the ride you are on I formally called a merry go round but now it’s called “my rut.” “My routine.” Even yesterday I broke that very routine and tried something and somewhere new and exciting. Gods gifts in nature too. Another thrill ride in this amazing theme park called life!!!

I need to go to my doc appointment now or I will be late!!! I hope there’s something here that helps dear sweet friend.

Love hugs and prayers

Your friend Johnny

Last edited by Johnster; 10-11-2005 at 06:25 AM.

 
Old 10-11-2005, 08:09 AM   #5
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Samantha317 HB User
Re: Here I go again

Hi Cathy
When we continue to hold things in and feel that we can't express our feelings, our depression does get worse. Your husband uses and abuses you. Even when he doesn't hit you he is using verbal abuse and certain body language of abuse by intimidation. He isn't going to change until HE decides to change. You do have the choice to stay or leave.

I will continue to keep you in my thoughts and prayers.

Love,
Sam

 
Old 10-11-2005, 08:42 AM   #6
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Re: Here I go again

Cathy,

I'm sorry you are struggling. Sam is right, you do have the choice to stay or go. The thought of leaving is very scary, I know. I'm just so sorry you are going through this.

SOE

 
Old 10-11-2005, 06:08 PM   #7
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brokenspirit HB User
Re: Here I go again

thanks everyone for the advise I guess im gonna have to make a decisions sooner than I expected or im gonna go crazy. something has got to give somehow. thanks for all the prayers and love
love you all
cathy

 
Old 10-13-2005, 06:34 PM   #8
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Johnster HB User
Re: Here I go again

(((((((((((((((((CATHY)))))))))))))))))) )

Just want you to know I’m still always thinking and praying you and your dear family.

Hugs love and prayers

John

 
Old 10-14-2005, 10:45 AM   #9
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Samantha317 HB User
Re: Here I go again

Hi Cathy
I want you to know, I am thinking of you and you are always in my prayers!

Love, hugs and prayers,
Sam

 
Old 10-14-2005, 08:14 PM   #10
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Re: Here I go again

(Lord, please comfort my friend Cathy. Please surround her with your peace and safety. Please give her courage when she needs it and wisdom to help her make good choices. Please protect her and let her feel Your love and the love of her friends. Amen)


I love you Cathy. Please let us know how you are when you feel up to it.

SOE

 
Old 10-15-2005, 10:48 AM   #11
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Samantha317 HB User
Re: Here I go again

Hi Cathy
I am sorry you are having such a rough time, sweetie!!! I just wanted you to know, I am here for you and if you need to lean on me for support you can.

Love, hugs and prayers,
Sam

 
Old 10-16-2005, 07:49 PM   #12
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MarciaD HB User
Re: Here I go again

((((((((((((((Cathy))))))))))))))

I hope things are going better for you.

Take care of yourself. You deserve it!

Love
Marcia

 
Old 10-17-2005, 08:13 AM   #13
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Re: Here I go again

Cathy, here's a verse that has helped me in the past -- I am also going to go share it with Sam.

The Lord is near to the brokenhearted, and saves those who are crushed in spirit. Psalm 34:18

I pray you are safe and well and I hope you can come back soon and let us know how you are. ((((((((((Cathy))))))))))

Love you,

SOE

 
Old 10-19-2005, 03:01 PM   #14
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attheendofmyrope HB User
Re: Here I go again

Cathy you took the words right out of my mouth. I could have written that post myself. You're definitely not alone. i want to get off of this terrifying ride myself. Everytime I think things are better, I 'crash' again. Hang in there. We'll make it through one day at a time.

Staci

 
Old 10-20-2005, 07:13 PM   #15
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brokenspirit HB User
Re: Here I go again

hi guys!!!
Im still holding on just thought I would drop a few. Ive been working myself to death now my youngest is sick and having to deal with that too. she just has a sinus infection and ear infections in both ears. got home from work today and had to take her to the hospital . all she wants to do is sleep. i just worry so much. Ive got a tooth ache so I wont be on here long. I just thought I would let everyone know Im still holding on.

 
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