Re: yeah I Am Miserable
So sorry for how things are going for you at the moment.
Sometimes it just feels like everything begins to slide all at the same time, everything that can go downhill does, it is no wonder that you are feeling so down about it all, you are perfectly entitled to.
The thing is, although it feels as though this is going to last forever (I often doom myself as a complete failure who is never going to go anwhere or do anything) It really isn't. These words sound really hollow and useless at present because of the way you are feeling but I have found that any time I have 'doomed' myself and my future, life then goes ahead and proves me completely wrong.
Since the worst that I went thru with depression life has granted me many blessings and surprised me a number of times. For example, a few years ago, I had pretty much given up on any chance of a love life - I had decided it was too much trouble, full of disappointment and heartbreak - I just wanted a quiet life. Then whilst I was devoting my life to travelling, a dream of mine -I met a very lovely special person, he too had found love to be too painful, he too was sick of arguments and frustration, he too just wanted a quiet life. We travelled together for a while and had a holiday romance, it was wonderful. But however we had to part, he is German and lives of course in Germany, I am English and well you get the idea...
But we missed each other. We kept writing emails to each other, and one day he asked if he could come and visit me. A few plane trips later, more hellos and goodbyes, more wondering what was going to happen and if we should just give up on the whole thing and then I went to live in Germany. I sit here now, a year and a half later, in our flat in Hamburg, I have someone I love dearly, I have a job, I speak German, I have a whole new life.
I never saw any of that coming. I never believed my life would unfold in such a way. If I had given up, if I had let the depression win, I would have missed all of this. I am so happy that I am alive.
Who knows what life will bring for you? Who knows what might be just around the corner? Please hang on and find out for yourself.
all the best