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Old 10-13-2005, 05:07 PM   #1
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Question Terrified of therapy...

I'm Dee, I'm 18 and I graduated from High School in June. Well, during the time I was in high school I saw my school psychologist regularly, and when it got closer to graduation he told me it was in my best interest to go to the mental health center to see if I have a mental disorder like depression. My mom is clinically depressed and has been for years, I've been through a very long, hard past 5 years and the pat 2 have been the worst of all. I don't know much about depression even though my mom has it (she's been on Effexor for a while) and when she was diagnosed I was too young to even recognize something was wrong with her. I know some of the symptoms, and I have them, but whenever I say to myself "you may have a problem" I always tell myself that it can't be as big a deal as depression. Since I'm 18 I have to make an appointment personally, but I'm almost afraid to get the help that I may need because I feel like the person will be sitting there, judging me, and then I'm constantly afraid they're going to say "Well, you're ridiculous, there's nothing wrong with you, you're just weak" I want to go, but I'm afraid of being rejected even by a psychologist. I'm working myself over nothing. Can you cry when you're talking to someone and if you don't will that impact your results at all? I never cry in front of people...or I try not to. I want to be sure of what I have or don't have without having to worry that I messed up some way and that they didn't get accurate answers. Is it normal to be afraid like this? And when you're in therapy what do they ask you or tell you, or talk about? Is it uncomfortable. Help is appreciated. Thank you =]

 
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Old 10-13-2005, 06:40 PM   #2
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Re: Terrified of therapy...

Hi there,

I'm sorry to hear things are hard for you right now. But I'm glad to hear you got counseling earlier. I'm am nineteen and am just now getting counseling. I am also very, very embarrassed/afraid to cry in front of people. This hasn't effected my counseling though. One time we hit a hard conversation and I just burst into tears. I was so ashamed and missed two appointments with her. But she then called me to check on me and told me she really "wanted" to see me because she cared about me. So after a long conversation she finally convinced me to come back in. It was awkward for the first few minutes, but then we just resumed as we normally would, and our relationship was much stronger after that.

It is scary, I know, I've been there, but I guarantee that after the first few appointments it will turn out just fine....and if you don't like the counselor, get a new one! That's the beauty of it, if the first doesn't work, check around for one that might. I went through three before I found the right one. It's okay to be afraid...it's a normal reaction to something that could be viewed as harmful. And even if you do have depression, which it sounds that way, there are tons of treatments today that can help you! Don't lose hope, things will work out, just take a few slow, deep breaths and relax a bit before you make the call.

I'll be here if you need to talk

lots of hugs

-Angel

 
Old 10-13-2005, 08:55 PM   #3
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Re: Terrified of therapy...

hey sounds like you know what you want and need to do, just looking for the encouragement to do it. I've been in therapy on and off for about 10 years now (I'm 22) and I haven't been able to work up the courage to approach it on my own once in that time. I'm not one to normally cry in front of people (even my family and close friends) and the last time my friends dragged me in, I think I probably cried for the whole morning I was in there. I was so overwhelmed by the sudden relief I felt about being able to share my thoughts (and to actually admit how scared I was of most of them) that I couldn't hold it back. Anyone working in the healthcare profession is trained to look at these situations with an open mind and not to judge. so if you want to cry, cry...if not don't feel like you have to. They're there to listen, guide, and pick up on the small things. My therapist commented the other day how I have so much more confidence then the first day we met...appearently I didn't look her in the eye once in the first few months. Also they have questionaires that if you answer honestly, give a good indication on the severity of your depression. Honestly I think everyone could benefit from therapy...maybe the world wouldn't be so full of anger and frustration that way. i'm not sure of your situation, but if you need a hand when you go in, maybe your mom could go with you or answer questions on what its like. I also have delt with depression within my family for more years then I'd care to remember but its nice to be able to ask someone you trust about these things. And as a side note, my dad really apprechiated it because it made him feel like someone needed him. Good luck. Sometimes, a safe place to vent (both good and bad) can make all the difference.

 
Old 10-13-2005, 10:15 PM   #4
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Re: Terrified of therapy...

Thanks, I appreciate it a lot since you're both around my age. I get nervous thinking about it because I don't feel that anyone would care that much about an 18 year old because what problems can a "kid" have? I don't believe I have severe depression, but it's also not minimal either. I keep forgetting that these people are professionals and know what they're doing, but I'm afraid I'll be mis-diagnosed and things like that. During my last 2 years at high school I have 5 of my friends die within months of each other, and just recently another of my friends passed away. I was told at some point I may have PTSD but they weren't sure because I have the symptoms of depression which are in a way similar to PTSD. Anyway, since my mom has had depression she usually cries and I feel like if I don't cry they won't take me seriously. I know that's messed up, but hey, what can I tell ya? But again, thanks for your advice, I'm starting to get more guts to do it, haha.

 
Old 10-14-2005, 06:27 AM   #5
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Re: Terrified of therapy...

crying and the severity is not linked in my humble opinion, as a child I was taught "big boys don't cry" so I pretty much forgot how.

counsellors/therapists are professionals and are only there to help and not judge. PTSD and depression go hand in hand together along with anxiety which is why you see people have all three in some version or another

 
Old 10-14-2005, 07:15 AM   #6
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Re: Terrified of therapy...

Crying is not a measure of depression. I was severely depressed in high school and NEVER cried again until I was around 24, not even when both of my grandmothers died. When I did cry again it was in therapy, which is still one of the few places I allow it to happen. However, everyone responds to depression in different ways. Some do like your mom and cry a lot, some develop a sort of flat affect where there is no emotion. It's all just part of a complex problem that only someone trained can help you with. I can't tell you how good it feels to finally know what's wrong with you though! There's a lot to be said for just being officially diagnosed! I would encourage you to make that call. You might ask you primary care physician for a referral to someone who would be a good therapist for you. Also think about whether you would feel more comfortable with a male or female, young or old. It all makes a difference. I can't work with males very well. Although I started therapy at 16, I don't think I fully participated in it until the last couple of years. Mostly because I was forced to go. It really needs to be your decision. Good luck!
By the way, death of a friend can be very traumatic and if you have a predisposition to depression it can kick-start it. You've had a lot to deal with and deserve some help!

 
Old 12-27-2005, 09:03 PM   #7
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Re: Terrified of therapy...

I was suggested to try therapist, may be my mistake was to choose anybody who are close and on insurance list, I ended up being hurt and having more problems than when I started. Both time people were around 70 y old, may be it is the reason. First one was just choosing topics easy and interesting to him and shut my mouth when I was trying bring my own.
Second was very pushy and annoying to keep me as a customer for life. At first she seemed somewhat helpful, not perfect. One day she was in a bad mood and let me had it, shout insult, told me what she actually thinks about me. After few sessions like that I dump her but she wasn't happy about it, called home, work, demanded explanations. I felt as sick as if I went to 10 used car dealerships without buying a car. Since than I am really terrified of trying anymore.

 
Old 12-28-2005, 02:46 AM   #8
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Re: Terrified of therapy...

The beauty of therapy is finding after a number of visits that you can (hopefully) trust your therapist with your feelings so you feel comfortable crying in front of him or her. Besides, if you weren't feeling like crying easily you probably wouldn't be there, right?

There are crummy therapists out there, for sure. And there are good ones. "Shop" for a therapist, as if you were shopping at Sears or whatever. You are the customer, they are your employee. You can hire or fire your therapist as you see fit. Trust yourself and how YOU feel with them. If you aren't feeling heard, move on. They can't read your mind or see any deeper into you than other people. They have been trained to listen and possibly see if you fit certain diagnoses, but if you do that isn't a bad thing.

Besides therapy, meds, like your mom's Effexor, can be a good thing as well.

 
Old 12-28-2005, 06:47 AM   #9
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Re: Terrified of therapy...

Exactly they look at you as an employer, if you can't stand up for yourself and push them to talk about things you need not easy and interesting for them they would take advantage of you. One shrink I know told me herself that treatment depends if person paying cash or uses insurance, if they don't like you for something hurt you on purpose is possible as well.
Second lady I tried first pretend to be compassinate and I opened and then one day she just let me had it, told me what she acually think about me, shout and insult session after session. After I dumped her she was very unhappy of loosing money and was calling and incourage me to complain again, I had hard time getting rid of her.
Anyway I was lucky to talk to a woman close to my age with the same background and it does me a lot good, much better than payed stranger. One smart person told me "you can't buy caring for money, good friend can do more for you'.

 
Old 12-28-2005, 12:49 PM   #10
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Re: Terrified of therapy...

I must say, the therapists that are available through my large hmo-like medical establishment are not the best. However, going outside the hmo and finding my own therapist has paid off tremendously. Up until I did this I really thought medication was THE best choice and that therapy might be helpful. Now that I found a therapist I like and trust with my inner most thoughts and feelings, and she doesn't judge me, I understand why people think therapy is also a good choice. Like any other profession, there are good ones and not so good ones.

You might ask your family or friends or even your high school psychologist for the name(s) of some good therapists. Or get a list from your insurance company (if you have) and call each one and ask if they have experience with your age group and situation. Keep us posted and go for it.

 
Old 12-28-2005, 02:25 PM   #11
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Re: Terrified of therapy...

Second person I called just for initial questions (she was on insurance list) asked me for my phone 'allegedly 'cause she was with a client. When she called me back she said that she already called insurance and found out all info about me and when will I come. I thought it might be a precaution. I didn't pay much attention (unfortinately) that she wanted me to describe my cituation while I was at work and didn't feel comfortable to talk or have any patience to describe directions and push me to come as soon as possible without listening for any reasons why I can't.
It was like give your number to a very agressive salesperson. After I had a baby even my relatives was afraid to call me knowing how busy I am, she called me on weekly basis asking when I come for an appointment, not taking I will call when I am ready for an answer.
After I came halfasleep having little baby at home, she looked weird, didn't talk in normal tone at voice and not just to me, she was shouting at person who called her on the phone, very rude, shouting, insulting, provoking fights.
Getting rid of her was very hard, she called work, home, demanding an explanation, very pushy for me to come back. After that I am really afraid of that people, may be go only if person highly recommended.

 
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