Tired of me!
Hey Recently I realised i've started to fall back into my old routine when i was younger. I'm not sleeping or eating again anymore. And it's not like i intend to hurt myself like this it's just that I often forget to do things or i just don't feel like it or i put it off...It's not like i say i'm not going to eat today. I'm not quite as bad as i used to be but i'm getting there and I know I need to change my life soon or I will be there!
Right now I'm so tired of my life. I work 4 jobs (2 fulltime and 2 parttime). Yet some how I can't afford things that I would like in life. I'm constantly tired from working so much but yet if someone asks me to pick up another shift or help them out I can't say no. I think this has a bit to do with my next issue.
All my friends have moved away and half of them we just stopped talking. So I recently find myself with no social life. I'm single and no one understands why because "your so pretty and sweet!" But I think my busy worklife scares a lot of guys off they think that I have no time for them but because I have no social life i kinda like to keep myself busy. The one guy I did finally find that I do really like is leaving as of monday to teach overseas for at least a year!! So because of that i have a bit of heartache...
Then there is family. I actually have no family around me....the closest immediate family is a 2 hr drive away and the furthest is about a 3-4 day drive. So because of this I stopped having holidays for the past 6 yrs. Now this doesn't bother me (it was my desicion) but people try to force me to celebrate or feel bad for me which is what makes things hard....My mom and I actually have a business together and although I like the business and am great at it at the moment I'm finding it really trying. I've avoided talking to my mom for the past 4 days because I don't want another lecture on me not getting stuff done, although i explain that i'm tired and busy she thinks I should be able to handle everything and keep my house and yard in pristine shape on top of it all. I just want time to be me!!
I really don't want to drag on with my story but last year was an exceptionally hard year for me there was a lot happening and I had difficulties coping with it all and I don't really think that i've come quite out of that funk and this seems to be just overlapping. I just want a life that isn't as complicated and frustrating and tiring as mine!