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Old 10-16-2005, 12:01 PM   #1
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Join Date: Oct 2005
Posts: 1
r1ch1e HB User
Hi - Things are getting to me...

Hi, Ive never spoken to anyone about any of this stuff so maybe you guys can help?! I didnt know where to post neither...but with the way i feel....here seems like a good place!

Here it goes:

Im 21 and male.

Ive got so many things that are worrying/messing with my head at the minute i feel like im about to explode or something.

These are all the things which are doing my brain in: (no order)

- Ive got slight money problems. (Im overdrawn at the bank permenantly!)
- My mum has been in hospital recently and is waiting for the all clear.
- I dont know what i am doing with my life.
- Ive got "somekind" of girl trouble.
- Ive got "somekind" of identity issues. (dont know who i am)
- I do things just to impress others.
- I dont like the way i look.

Basically i keep questioning myself and i dont know why. Thoughts keep entering my head like "what the hell are you doing with your life?" and i cant answer them.

I have a decent amount of friends and im out quite alot but its like ive become fed up of them. I dont enjoy doing things like i used too. Social outings are more like chores nowadays!

Im a still a virgin and feel pressured about this fact. It feels like a burden. I havent had many girlfriends and have been on maybe 10 dates. The thing is i feel like i date girls only to "fit in" wih my friends and look good, not because i actually want to. I do want to have sex....but when im on dates i am so nervous i just feel sick and cant even image how id feel if it went to the "next step". I would probably run off or something!!!

Im nervous quite alot of the time in social situations and i always do things just to impress people. I am always thinking what other people are thinking about me! I buy new clothes, gadets, etc... so i look cool. Not because i want them. I am always acting and not being me. I always try to make me sound better than i am.

The girl thing is whats plauging me at the minute. I dont know if i want a g/f or not. Ive never been confident with girls and im always nervous when around them and act up in front of them.
I only seem to hook up with girls to fit it with the trend!

I am attracted to girls but just dont find them easy to talk to and they make me nervous, so i go really quite and look like an idiot. I then get thoughts in my head like "maybe your gay!" and this just makes my head screwed up!

If i found a girl that i felt 100% comfortable with i would be so happy...but i cant find her...

I am very appearance focused. I take ages doing my hair, etc... I am quite skinny and i hate being skinny. Some people take the mickey and is does really get to me sometimes. This also leads back to the whole "virgin" thing. I am embarrssed by my skinny look and feel so uncomfortable. I hate people seeing my body, especially in a sexual nature!! The burden of being a virgin is again related what other people think. (Most people think im not a virgin, because im 21 and most people are about 17 when they lose theirs, so if they find out i would just look like a retard!!)

All this stuff is really dumb but when it all gets into your head at the same time it starts to make me think im losing my mind and it gets me really depressed and down.

I wish i was 3 stone heavier.
I wish i wasnt still a virgin.
I wish i wasnt so focused on what others are thinking about me.
I wish i had a g/f i enjoyed being with.
I wish i all these thoughts never enter my head!!!!!!!!!

Well, thats my little piece said anyway!!!

Cheers.

 
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Old 10-16-2005, 01:15 PM   #2
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Join Date: Jul 2005
Posts: 253
alsaser HB User
Re: Hi - Things are getting to me...

You sound to be like a perfectly normal 21 year old. In regards to money problems, identity issues, problems with the opposite sex, feeling peer pressure (I promise that gets alot better when you get into your latter 20s). Some people say the 20s are about figuring out who you are. Seperating yourself from your peers and finding your identity (where you dont care what others think and you dont do things to impress people). Its easy to say 'just be yourself' but its harder to do. All I know is for me that all came in time, I was just as confused as you at your age.
You'll find you'll start feeling more comfortable with girls as you get older. Do you have female friends? thats a great place to start. I used to be very shy around guys, but now I have many guy friends and feel comfortable with guys now. Maybe at work or school?
You just feel too skinny? Embrace it! I love skinny guys I think thin guys with broad shoulders are sexy and as you get older, you'll see people around you gaining weight, at least you dont have that problem.
The virgin thing...what's wrong with being a virgin? I think its awesome. I personally am waiting to have sex til I'm married and I'm 29. People look at me in amazement like I'm a freak of nature, but I dont care. I care what God thinks, not other people. You might feel embarressed, but I would only think better of a guy who was a virgin. You dont have to worry about: SDTs, many of my close friends have herpes, one of my friends died of AIDS and another has it, I dont have to worry if I'm pregnant (you dont have to worry about getting a girl pregnant). NO SHAME IN THAT! You know you are emotional and physically not ready.
Are you keeping yourself busy? Do you work or go to school? Have hobbies? Try chairty work...its a great way to get the focus off yourself. Start doing kind things for others (not saying you dont) but you will help others and feel better about who you are.
I am sorry about your mom, I hope shes ok. Things will get better with time..I hated my early-mid 20s. Hang in there!

 
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