Well, I called in sick for the second day in a row. I got in the shower today determined to go into work, and I'm standing in the shower crying like a baby. So not only do I have an appointment with a psychologist on Friday, but I have one with my family doctor tomorrow. I wonder if I need to change my medications again.
I know that I will be ok eventually, but I do need to deal with this. This past year has been an incredibly stressful one at work. We had a secretary we fired who filed a grievance against us and to make a long story short the whole situation took a year to resolve itself and it was an incredibly difficult year. Even my boss has admitted that. And even though it's over I'm having a hard time feeling positive about anything at work. I find myself just waiting for the next thing to go wrong.
I think I've been in denial that I was getting depressed again because I've been doing so well for so long. And I think yesterday I realized I couldn't go back there at least not for the next day or so. And I haven't been sleeping well and when I tried to get up yesterday I was so tired I couldn't get out of bed. I think my subconsciousness was telling me something was wrong, stop denying it and take care of it.
I still feel really guilty about being here when I should be at work. I'm considering telling my boss that I'm having problems dealing with stress because I'm off for two days, and I will have to leave work twice this week in order to see the doctor and psychologist. I think I owe them some sort of explanation. But I'm not going to tell her about the depression. I still think I'm going to be ok, but I'm not going to let my health suffer anymore.
Anyway, thanks for listending. I don't feel like I have anyone to talk to about this, because I tend to keep this sort of thing hidden from just about everyone I know. I would be interested in hearing what any of you think about telling my boss about the stress thing. I think she would be understanding. Back in February when things started to get really bad with this secretary she took me to lunch because she was worried about me because I'm the main person who had to deal with all of this and it was a very difficult and awkward situation.
Sorry for rambling on & on. It just feels good to talk about it.