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Old 10-17-2005, 08:06 PM   #1
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britendarkk HB User
falling again

I thought I was doing better because my bad thoughts didn't seem to have as much of an emotional impact on me. But sunday I went into a downward spiral and ended up cutting. I can't ever seem to get ahead, and frankly the times when I do feel good, I can't trust it or enjoy it because I know it's not going to last. And it never does. I feel like life is done with me.

 
Old 10-18-2005, 05:40 AM   #2
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ldy06 HB User
Re: falling again

If you have felt better, at least you know it's possible. And every time you have a good period it gets longer and longer. I'm not going to lie to you. Depression is difficult and you can be better for a couple of years and have a relapse. But you can get back there. Don't give up. I once said to a psychologist that I've been fighting this for so long and I'm tired and I don't know if I can keep fighting. She said that I should be proud of myself because I do keep fighting and I'm still here. She said that was very important, and that made me think that maybe I'm stronger than I thought.

Please hang in there.

 
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Old 10-18-2005, 10:49 PM   #3
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britendarkk HB User
Re: falling again

thank you for your kind words Canuck Lady. I really feel I am beginning to be ready to give this fight up. I just can't do it anymore. I'm too tired. And the cutting at least relieves a little of the pressure. I just don't think I can do this anymore.

 
Old 10-19-2005, 07:17 AM   #4
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MyPlague HB User
Re: falling again

Quote:
Originally Posted by britendarkk
I thought I was doing better because my bad thoughts didn't seem to have as much of an emotional impact on me. But sunday I went into a downward spiral and ended up cutting. I can't ever seem to get ahead, and frankly the times when I do feel good, I can't trust it or enjoy it because I know it's not going to last. And it never does. I feel like life is done with me.
I know how you feel. I was doing great until yesterday and everything just caved in at once. I've never cut, but my thing was always drugs and alcohol to the point of near death. I would drink till the point where I should probably be dead.

I woke up this morning saying to myself how exhausted I am and how I'm just ready to throw in the towel.

It's so unfair that people like you and I have to put up this exhausting constant fight every single day while there's people out there who seemingly live full happy lives. I'm so sick of watching people that smile all day long, and have great friends that pick them back up when they fall....

Depression is a lonely disorder. It seems no one understands. I'm as exhausted as you are. I tell myself everyday that I just don't know how much longer I can hang on. It really pisses me off that we have to go through this. It's not fair. I can't live my life.

Hope things get better for you.

 
Old 10-19-2005, 04:18 PM   #5
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britendarkk HB User
Re: falling again

Thank you My Plague. I have just done this for so long that I don't even want to hope anymore. I just don't want to do this anymore.

 
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