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Old 10-18-2005, 02:24 AM   #1
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Join Date: Oct 2005
Location: Scotland
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DaisyAlba HB User
Just lost my job..

im new to these boards, but from what i've read many of you find it really helpful so here's hoping.
Im a 20 year old girl from Scotland (turn 21 in less than 2weeks) and have just lost my job!!! From about 4th year of school things really started to go downhill for me, for no apparent reason. My family put it down to being a moody teenager but i always knew that to feel as bad as i did wasn't nomal. You name it i had it- panic attacks, insomnia, cutting myself, making myself sick.... i would go through phases of feeling ok then turn again for no reason. When i was 16 i took an overdose of painkillers washed down with a hefty amount of vodka..... little did i know how much of a horrible way to die that would have been!!! Spent an overnight in hospital and had to see a counsillor. That was prob the worst thing i could have done- all she did was bring up things from my past that i didnt want to remember.... we suppress things for a reason!!!! Did a good job of convincing family that i was "cured" and all was normal.
The nect year i moved away to college and decided that this was my fresh start- all the troubles from the past behind me. Like most students i partied quite hard.... quickly discovered that drinking just made me feel even worse!!! quit my course before the end of my 1st year, convincing everyone that it just wasn't right for me. I have now been to 3different colleges, doing 3different courses, and have quit 3 times. I just dont seem to have enough interest in anything to see it through. I dont blame you if anyone calls this laziness- thats what everyone else calls it. At the start of this year i started having panic attacks worse than ever- driving home one night i had a really bad one and nearly crashed my car.... i think i was pretty disapointed when i woke up the next day. Everything went wrong at this time- i got a really bad infection in my saliva glands and was in masses of pain, and then my nana had a succession of strokes and died. The doctor prescribed me prozac and i assumed it was a miracle drug that would cure me overnight- i thought it would make me feel better but i was still so unhappy.
My family were a lot more supportive than i expected- i moved back home and spent a few weeks wallowing in it before a friend of the family offered me a job. I messed up pretty quickly. My next job was going ok for a while, but last week i had a really bad week. On the 13th it would have been my nana's birthday. My mum and bro were both away at the time so i was feeling so lonely, went into work on the thurs hoping that it would distract me from how bad i felt... but being in an environment where no1 notices or cares just made me feel even more worthless. I called in sick the next day, went in like a zombie on the sat, and havn't been back since. Ive dodged all phone calls from work......... i just dont care. Ive just had a text from a girl i work with- she's one of the few ppl who know whats been happening with me. I know she means well but she just doesn't understand. She told me to jump in the shower, put on my makeup and go to work- i'll feel better when im there. This just makes me feel so pathetic- like i should have more control of myself. I just cant go on like this- i know that running away doesn't help, iv done it so much already. Right now i just want to curl up in a ball under my duvet. I feel like im existing, not living.

Sorry for the major essay....... dont have any1 else to talk to

Last edited by DaisyAlba; 12-07-2005 at 05:18 PM.

 
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Old 10-18-2005, 03:00 AM   #2
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surreyboy HB User
Re: Just lost my job..

Hiya. I'm 26 and from from Surrey, one of the few UK people on here. Wanted to give you a *hug* and tell you to hang on in there, and not to apologise for writing your post!! I'm currently going through a bad time as well, and have done for 10 years off and on. I've done the whole feeling I've let people down thing. After battling back from a period of depression I became a qualified primary school teacher, and within a couple of weeks of starting my first teaching job, the depression came back worse than ever, not helped by the immense workload, so I was for ced to come out of class teaching and my family found it very hard. All I can say to you is hang in there, you are NOT alone and there's always people here to offer you some support. Keep in touch.

 
Old 10-18-2005, 05:19 AM   #3
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ldy06 HB User
Re: Just lost my job..

Hi DaisyAlba,

I just wanted to say to hang in there. I was reading the part where you went to 3 different college courses and quit all of them. I think you were searching for something to make you happy, to "fix" your life, and when these things didn't make you happy you quit and moved onto something else, still searching. An external thing is not going to make you happy.

Have you tried therapy? Keep working on things. If you can't even go into work, don't beat yourself up. Get help.

 
Old 10-18-2005, 06:55 AM   #4
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DaisyAlba HB User
Re: Just lost my job..

Just popped online for a min and was really pleased when i read ur messages- i didnt really expect anyone to pay attention to all my waffling on.... im really glad you did though. Thank you. It's nice knowing theres really people who know how i feel

 
Old 10-19-2005, 02:35 AM   #5
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surreyboy HB User
Re: Just lost my job..

Hey, you're not waffling on - don't put yourself down :-) Let us know how you're getting on and take some time to decide what things you feel would make you happy to do with your life, and career path, and when you've taken your time with that, go ahead and grab it!! You can do it!

 
Old 10-24-2005, 10:27 AM   #6
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DaisyAlba HB User
Re: Just lost my job..

Thanks for all your supportive thoughts..... more helpful than you know. Went back to the doc and had my meds upped- take double what i took before which is a bit scary!!! all seems to be going ok, apart from the fact that my heart feels like its racing..... anyone know if this is normal/ok? It's my 21st birthday on sunday and my family have organised a big party for me- i was so touched when i found out but now im dreading it........what if no1 comes????? id rather do nothing than be disapointed!!!! mum's gone to so much trouble though and ive got fmaily travelling 7hours to be here, i cant let them all down.

 
Old 10-24-2005, 11:58 AM   #7
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RainSerpent HB User
Re: Just lost my job..

Hi DaisyAlba! Welcome to the depression board. There are some really supportive people here.

I'm sorry to hear that you are going through such a rough time. I've lost job after job and seem to be just holding everything together by a thread now. It has to get better, I can not imagine things getting any worse!

Thank you for posting. I hope to hear from you again real soon.
__________________
Paul

 
Old 10-26-2005, 11:13 AM   #8
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DaisyAlba HB User
Re: Just lost my job..

Hey serpent,

glad to hear im not the only one not able to keep day-to-day life going My mum is just back from holiday and we sat and had a big talk- i never realised how worried she is!!! We have cancelled my party and im having a small group over for a meal- mum says she's gonna make my day really special for me.... im scared that ill runi it all by feeling unwell though..... I think im just thinking the worst so that im not disapointed though. Trying to stay positive..... everyone on the boards is so good at helping xx

 
Old 10-26-2005, 11:34 AM   #9
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itzalluptome HB User
Re: Just lost my job..

Daisy, when I was your age I messed up in two or three jobs also. In retrospect I think I was just testing the waters in a way to see how much I could get away with. I found out the answer....not much!! (lol) You should take away whatever positive you can from the experience and move forward. If, for example, you learned that being late (or whatever) was not acceptable to this employer take that new information with you to the next place. We all goof up--we all need to learn how to cope and make our way--you are into a new chapter of your life now..so you get to write it! Learn from your errors and face forward! Hope you have a very happy birthday!

 
Old 10-27-2005, 05:42 AM   #10
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s1980 HB User
Re: Just lost my job..

hello there,
hope you are doing ok
Whenever you feel the need to get everything you are going thru down on the page here is a great place to do it. The people are lovely here, they are kind and unjudgemental, they offer whatever advice or words of comfort they can, I have found the boards have really really helped me.

I come from Manchester but live in Hamburg Germany. The job situation here is pretty grim, there is a hell of a lot of unemployed and finding work is not easy. That didn't stop me from quitting my job at Mcdonalds two weeks ago. I would say that it was half their fault and half mine. I would say that my days with depression are over, I came thru the worst and managed to put my life back on track - that hasn't stopped Depression from coming back to make my life a misery over the years but I can say that at the moment all is well. Mcdonalds, like quite a number of companies in Germany at the moment take the attitude; 'well there are a lot of people who need jobs at the moment so if you don't like our sh***y treatment of you then you can just leave' Needless to say I took their advice but not without months and months of stress and tears.

Sometimes I too wish I could just cope with everything work throws at me - if I could just not let these people bother me or get me down it would make my life a lot easier. But it is good to know that I am not alone, that other people too find it difficult to deal with work and various situations. I think maybe we are just too nice!!! I get that all the time, people just steamroller over me and I don't say anything - the end result being that after a certain amount of time I can't deal with it anymore and end up quitting.

Don't be too hard on yourself, you have tried to do the best you can - you've given various jobs a shot, you've tried college courses - at least you have tried - there are many people who have never even tried, never even attempted to get a job or study, there is a punk community around the corner from me, most of them have never done a days work and never will, they have just dropped out from life - sometimes when I have been dealing with a load of sh** at work I can kind of see their point!!!

Anyway post here whenever you want to, when you are feeling really bad I suggest that you try and find somebody to talk to, that can really help, and if it keeps geting worse then maybe a trip to the Doctor's is advisable, there could be a whole number of reasons behind why you are feeling so terrible.

all the best

 
Old 11-04-2005, 05:14 PM   #11
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DaisyAlba HB User
Re: Just lost my job..

Thanks guys!!!!

Well i have had a productive few weeks since i last posted- my birthday was fantastic.... spoke to mum and she agreed to cancel the party and just have a meal for my close friends and family. Felt totally comfortable and had a great night. Only prob was how drunk i got.... try to avoid alcohol cos it can have me swinging from lampshades or crying in the corner..... the risk is too embarassing to risk! Has anyone else found this? It just seems to be since ive been taking ADs, this was my 1st time drinking since having prozac upped from 20mg to 40mg so i blame that (as opposed to the Champagne) for my state (",)

Am enjoying not working for the moment. When i feel crap i stay in bed, but if im having a good day i put on my makeup and meet my mum for lunch or go to see friends..... feels good. Bit worried that one of my friends thinks im "faking it"..... She doesn't understand that sometimes even just popping to the shop will bring out a panic attack and thinks im just avoiding her.

It'll all be ok in the end though......... If it's not ok, then it's not the end

 
Old 11-04-2005, 05:41 PM   #12
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Countrygirl1 HB User
Re: Just lost my job..

You seem to have a better outlook on things. Am I right? I lost the job I had just previous to the one I have now. I remember that I was in shock for a few days. It was hard to really focus on moving ahead. Eventually, I did move ahead. During my unemployment, I took time to take a hard look at myself. I focused on evaluating the mistakes I had made on the job and also the good things I had done. You know, in the job I have now my pay is much higher than I made at the job I lost!

I have found these boards to be very helpful. Many of these posts have been helpful to me. Hopefully, some of mine have helped someone.

 
Old 12-10-2005, 10:51 AM   #13
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Scotty49 HB User
Re: Just lost my job..

Can i say a BIG thank you for replying to Daisy`s posts and giving her so much encouragement (",) I know how much it means to me, so i can only imagine how much it has helped her. I too have learned quite a lot since i joined............never suffered from real depression.............but ive have "bad times" and reading your posts has made me realise how lucky ive been. Hopefully your experiences will help me to understand and how to help...............i guess by now Daisy may have worked out who i am (",)

 
Old 12-11-2005, 03:36 PM   #14
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DaisyAlba HB User
Re: Just lost my job..

love you mum xx

 
Old 12-22-2005, 03:52 PM   #15
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Scotty49 HB User
Re: Just lost my job..

Ditto sweets xxx

 
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