I am new to this board and it is unusual for me to talk about this but I have to ask. I am 22yrs old and have been depressed the majority of my life. I think because of that I am unable to connect with people. I always feel like I am alone and will always be alone. It just feels like I dont want to subject people to me and therefore I dont date, dont really have many people I can trust. Has anyone else ever felt like this and been able to move past it or am i going to always feel alone? I know this may be stupid but it consumes my thoughts lately.
I've battled depression for a long time as well...my adult life definitely, and maybe before. I'm not sure if this will get better. You said that you don't have many people you can trust, which says that you at least have a few? I think that in reality, we all only have a few people we can truly trust. Sad, but true.
I'm sorry, I haven't really answered you. I don't believe that people who have "won" their battle with depression would hang around this particular message board in order to provide an answer. Its a battle that I'm still trying to win...but at least you're not alone in that respect.
At least you have these thoughts now, and can recognize that you only have a few people you can trust. After years of thinking I could trust people, I realized that many of them weren't trustworthy to begin with. I thought I had many friends, but it turned out that a true friend is more than just a person you talk to. So in that respect maybe you are ahead of things. I have found a few people over the years that I could relate to and so for some periods in my life I have had the blessing of a true friend, a good husband, (or two).
Here's a good Jackson Browne song that might give you some comfort:
had to edit this out, sorry. it's called only child.,
Last edited by Excess1973; 10-30-2005 at 02:37 PM.
I hope this helps. I am beating depression right now and still hanging around to try and hlep others. I felt the same way as you. I think it took a while for me to realize that first I am different from everyone else, but so is everyone else. I know you feel completely different though as I did and still do. I actually began talking to an elderly woman recently and found I feel closer to her than people my own age. In fact, I have never really felt in touch with people my own age. I am also 22 and have felt estranged from others all my life. I know there are people out there like me, but have never met any too close. I just began to realize that happiness comes in the little things. I bought a dog recently and I think that has helped a lot to see how silly and amazing he is. Just like a new born baby. I started going outside walking and hiking more too and discovered that I really don't mind being by myself that much. But yes, you can beat depression. I know I am more unique than others. Sometimes I take my dog to a bark park and talk to others. Sometimes I feel like I am holding a real conversation with another person and sometimes I feel completely out of place. I know went in all sorts of tangents here, but I hope this helps and please keep me updated I like to here back from the people I talk to and help in any way I can.
Thank all of your for your responses. It helps to know that there are others who feel and have felt the same way I do (not that I would wish the feeling on anyone). It sounds like I should be grateful for the few friends that I do have that stick with me through my madness. Maybe one day that will be enough to quiet my mind. Thank each of you for your advice. I appreciate that each of you were willing to "listen" to me. It just feels good sometime to get it out in the open.
The important thing is that it is NOT just you. I've had issues with self esteem for a long time, and always found buuilding relationships with the opposite sex hard. I have recently just come out of a relationship which lasted for 16 months, was fantastic, and was ended without any warning which really did for me once more. SOMEHOW there is a way to build that self esteem. As for not wanting a relationship because you say you wouldn't wish yourself on anyone, I'm sure that isn't true at all. Hang in there, you're not alone.
You certainly aren't alone, but I sure do understand the feeling. I have been battling with anxiety and depression my entire life. I can remember having these feeling in Kindergarten. Now I'm 38, divorced and I have 3 young children to take care of. I'm afraid to date because I don't feel worthy enough to find someone and I'm afraid that I will continue to attract the same type of men that I always have (alcoholic and abusive) another fringe benefit of low self-esteem and depression. All I can say is that every day you have to wake up and prepare yourself for the battle. Every day you have to tell yourself that your life has a purpose and you are meant to be here. Every day you have to believe that the next day will be a little better. I know that it is easier said than done....I am still struggling "every day". I don't have any family or friends to talk to so I go once a week to a therapist. I have been seeing him for 3 years now and I have to say, it does make a difference. If nothing else it is a place to dump all of the crap that I carry around with me and know that the world won't end because of it. There is nothing that I can say that will shock him, he won't betray my confidence and he will never judge me. I may have to pay for it, but believe me......it's worth it!