I've screwed up badly and I need help...
Hey all, writing from Europe..
I don't know what's going on with me. I was so promising at everything and I had all the conditions that a human being could ask for.
My family is great, they love and support me at everything.
God has given me good looks and ability to be a very good athlete.
I have money, I have friends...I have everything.
Nothing has ever been real tough for me because God has given me a lot.
But I'm stupid. I'm just the dumbest person on the earth.
I'm throwing it all away.
You know, I feel like every decision I ever made was a wrong decision.
It hurts me a lot because deep down I think I'm a good guy.
I'd never do any harm to anyone but what I'm doing to myself is just terrible.
Hear me out..
For some reason...and I don't know what reason is it...I'm acting like a bum.
I didn't go to school for 7 days now. I don't know why. I just didn't.
I feel so stupid because I haven't seen any of my friends for a week, I haven't gone out for a week and I'm just like hiding.
This isn't a first time I missed school for many days but this time is different. Last time (two weeks ago) I said I was sick. But I miss so much, I can't be sick all the time. It's obvious..
I can't even look my friends into their eyes anyore because I'm ashamed of myself. I don't know what to tell them.
Teachers probably make of me because they know what I'm doing.
I just feel terrible and I don't know why I don't go to school. I'm just stupid like that.
What once was a promising voleyball career is now nothing. I haven't gone to practice for 2 weeks.
As you can see, I'm destroying myself.
I know its stupid but I even thought about a suicide but then I realized that that would be a selfish thing to do because my family loves me.
My mom is the best mom in the world and my little brother who's only 2 years old loves me with such unseen passion.
And I love them..
I know, many of you won't really think of this as a real problem.
Maybe it isn't. I'm ashamed of myself because people in the world have some real problems.
Their loved ones are dying, some are poor and they're just fighting to survive...but me?
I'm just a weak, mentally unstable idiot.
Good people...help me please...
What should I do?
Try to find the way to work things out in school...
Take the crap from people because I deserved it...
Or perhaps ask mom to move me some place else where I could get a fresh start...I could move to my aunt perhaps..
I'm planning on telling my mom what's been going on. I"ll tell her today..
I want things to work at school but I think I already messed up so badly that it"ll be hard.
Some teachers must be shocked on how I miss so much.
Looking them into their eyes is not pretty...but maybe I deserve it.
Maybe I deserve the punishment.
Although my friends are great, I didn't see them like 10 days.
They might also change their attitude towards me.
If this sounds silly...I'm sorry...but it's a real problem.
How am I gonna look into people's eyes?
Into voleyball people's eyes? Into teachers eyes? Friends eyes?
I just feel so depressed.
It wasn't a problem until I made it a problem.
I just don't know what to do.