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Old 10-28-2005, 09:17 AM   #1
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lost and tired HB User
fighting with bad thoughts

I have been dealing with depression for over a year now. I go to therapy ,I am on antidepressants but I keep getting bad thoughts. Sometimes I think that my family would be better off without me. I used to think of suicide as a quick way out but part of me wants to and part of me doesn't. I have actually decided how I would like to go but yet part of me feels like I'm going crazy. Has anyone gone through these bad thoughts?

 
Old 10-28-2005, 09:27 AM   #2
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Re: fighting with bad thoughts

A lot of us have had thoughts like these from time to time. The best thing I have found to get out of this mind set is to go out and start enjoying life. Act as if what I am doing right now may be the last thing I ever do. Think about everything I am thankfull for. It can be really easy to start feeling better. Do those things that make you feel better.

Hope this helps some.
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Old 10-29-2005, 10:26 AM   #3
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brokenspirit HB User
Re: fighting with bad thoughts

I have found that the more I dwell on my problems the worse they seem. Yes I have felt that way many of times and have tried to hurt myself before, BUT then I try to look at it in another way. Im just chickening out of this life and being selfish. Just because I have a bad day or a problem doest give me the right to do something to myself. I didnt give myself life and it isnt mine to take. If God wants me to go it will be in his time. He is the one that gave me life and he is the only one that can say it is time for it to end. The choice really doesnt belong to me but to God so I try to live each and every single day like it might be my last day on this earth, and let God decide what he want from me that day. he gives me help each and every single day to make it through. I figure he made everything in this world so he ought to know what he is doing . He doesnt make mistakes everything happens for a reason, I just dont know what the reason is all the time but everythis isnt ment to be understood either.
good luck and I will be praying for you

 
Old 10-29-2005, 01:24 PM   #4
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Cool My story

I'm a suicide survior & I tried taking my own life 11 yrs ago. I'm a 100% back to my old self which my personality is a Leo. Very outgoing, loves to help others,I like to lead instead of follow etc... but that doesn't mean I can't get depressed again but atleast I know what do to for myself. I tried different anti depressants but my doctor ruled them as a waste of time because my depression was not chemical but situtional depression. Everytime that I got depressed something major in my life happened. The first time was when my boyfriend of 4 yrs dumped me and I had really no friends at the time because I spent too much time with my boyfriend and didnt' make time for the friends I had. Big mistake! The 2nd time I got depressed was when my husband relocated to NY to model and I stayed back in SD. He was going to live there for a yr and it put way to much stress on our relationship because we are use to seeing eachother every week so he came back after a month and I was still depressed because it made me think about my future and I didn't know what I wanted to do with my life so I was feeling worthless. The 3rd time was when the owners of my building sold it and was converting it into condos so we were forced to move and there weren't any places I liked so we moved into a place that I thought I would like but ended up hating so that made me more depressed. So we found a place to buy and moved in this yr in April and I started my own sugar free business which I will be offering products online in Dec on my website. I also come from a family that was very disfuctional. Abusive father with an alcoholic personality and a submissive mother.There had been 3 suicides on my dad's side of the family including him and I attempted back in 1994 and it is something that I would never do again. What really helped me was surounding myself with supportive people and good therapist and self help books. The books that I still go back to read when I need to is

Facing Codependence,What It Comes From,How It Sabotages Our Lives by Pia Mellody

Compelled To Control by J. Keith Miller (I have control issues still that I have to work on daily)

The Inner Child Workbook by Catheryn L Taylor

To this day the only person I talk to from my family is my mom but I don't see anyone else because they are not people I want in my life. Hang in there because there is hope because I'm proof! Slowly start doing things for yourself that make you happy even if you don't want to.

 
Old 10-29-2005, 04:41 PM   #5
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SylAlien HB User
Re: fighting with bad thoughts

i know exactly what you mean, with the thoughts , ****ed up thoughts like you wouldnt even share with us? right?

 
Old 10-29-2005, 05:40 PM   #6
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Re: fighting with bad thoughts

Quote:
Originally Posted by SylAlien
i know exactly what you mean, with the thoughts , ****ed up thoughts like you wouldnt even share with us? right?
Hey,
I read some of your other posts and it seems like you are on A LOT of medication. Have you ever considered or noticed that all these combination of powerful drugs could actually be making you worse, or giving you new symptoms?? I am NOT suggesting you just stop you meds. BUT, I have also been on a lot of psychiatric drugs at the same time and I realized that it was just too many drugs, and one in particular was actually making me worse.

 
Old 10-29-2005, 07:21 PM   #7
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SylAlien HB User
Re: fighting with bad thoughts

Quote:
Originally Posted by NatashaW
Hey,
I read some of your other posts and it seems like you are on A LOT of medication. Have you ever considered or noticed that all these combination of powerful drugs could actually be making you worse, or giving you new symptoms?? I am NOT suggesting you just stop you meds. BUT, I have also been on a lot of psychiatric drugs at the same time and I realized that it was just too many drugs, and one in particular was actually making me worse.

what? im not on any meds what you talking about

 
Old 10-29-2005, 09:35 PM   #8
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Countrygirl1 HB User
Re: fighting with bad thoughts

A therapist told me once,"Suicide is a permanent solution to a temparary problem". Don't mean to sound glib. However, that statement has come to be very helpful to me.

When is the last time you have had a physical? There could be something physical contributing to fighting bad thoughts. For example, I went to the pulmonolgist and he said that my physical symptoms sound like sleep apnea. So, I am scheduled for a sleep study to find out if that is true.

If I do not have sleep apnea, I am going to talk to my psychiatrist about my meds.

Last edited by Countrygirl1; 10-29-2005 at 09:39 PM.

 
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