It appears you have not yet Signed Up with our community. To Sign Up for free, please click here....



Depression Message Board
Post New Thread   Closed Thread
LinkBack Thread Tools
Old 08-13-2002, 01:20 PM   #1
Junior Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: Middle Tennessee, USA
Posts: 43
~Little Flower~ HB User
Unhappy Cousin died last night....

Last night my cousin passed away. We're not sure of what happened yet, but the doctors think she went into a diabetic coma. Everyone is very upset and crying and I hardly have any emotion at all. What's wrong with me? I loved my cousin. Still do. I'm just not crying. In a way I haven't really accepted that she is gone. Probably because she has lived through so much, we thought she'd be around forever. I am sad, but not like I should be. Is there a certain way that I should feel? I mean, is it wrong for me to be handling it like this? I'm always the one who is the first to cry about everything.

I had to go to my sister's house and tell her because my mom was too upset. I didn't even break down crying when she did. A part of me is broken inside but it doesn't hurt like it should. I've lost a lot of friends and family in my life and I remeber the pain that I felt. This isn't anything like that. This was my cousin, my friend, my favorite aunt's youngest child.

Don't get me wrong. I feel sad and remorse, but I'm mostly sickly worried about the effect this is having on my family. I know that she isn't in anymore pain and she's safe in God's hands, but I feel like I am cold because I'm not crying and everything.

My aunt is just getting her life straightened out. She just got her electricity, water, septic tank, she just signed the papers for an overdue divorce and for the first time in forever she had all of her kids with her. Now one of them is gone. Her youngest child is dead. She has been through so much and I hate that she is going through this. Her oldest daughter's husband just died a couple of weeks ago and they're just now adjusting to that. Also, my other cousin *Faye has really bad heart problems and they were really close and she's having a very hard time with this. I'm afraid she's going to have another heart attack. And on top of that she's also diabetic. She was supposed to take her son to a specialist this morning to have an arterialgram(sp?). She couldn't take him because she was so upset and my aunt *Ruth has a hole in her heart so she also has heart problems. I'm so worried that someone else is going to die. Deaths in our family always come in threes. There's always three deaths in a row. It's scary. I just don't know what to do. I want to be there for everyone, but inside I'm tore all to pieces because of worrying(the thing I do best as you all know) and I don't how to help.

This may sound weird but I feel like I'm holding in my feelings without actually realizing that's what I'm doing. I can feel the pain and loss inside, but it's not showing on the outside. I don't want for everyone to think that I don't care because I do. More than everyone thinks.

I should put all that I have into helping everyone else, but I can't help but wonder why I can't let it out. I feel it. It's like a huge lump in my throat and a weight on my chest, and a tight knot in my stomach but I can't let the tears flow. What's wrong with me?

I hope this makes sense. I really just needed to clear my head a little and you guys are the only people that I have to ramble to. Thanks for listening.


*names have been changed.
------------------
~*Cheyenne*~



[This message has been edited by ~Little Flower~ (edited 08-22-2002).]
__________________
~Kind words can be short and easy to speak, but their echoes are truly endless.~

*~*Cheyenne*~*

 
Sponsors Lightbulb
   
Old 08-13-2002, 01:29 PM   #2
Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: Liverpool ,England
Posts: 51
MargyP HB User
Post


Sorry for your loss

Nothing is wrong with you! The tears will come in time and if they don't....well they don't have to do they...I mean you can be incredibly upset and unhappy without crying!! Tears are only an outward show of how we are feeling inside, but we can still feel things without letting them show. I hope this makes sense as I'm rubbish at this sort of thing (I end up saying the wrong thing) :-/

((((((((hugs to you)))))))))))

 
Old 08-13-2002, 01:35 PM   #3
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Hawthorne, NJ
Posts: 211
StarCat HB User
Post

Dear Flower,

Sometimes people immediately are able to release the intense grief they feel. Sometimes it takes several days...or longer.

Years ago, when my uncle died very suddenly 3 weeks after my grandma died, I did not cry when I found out. I did not cry when we went to the funeral. I did not cry watching 2 young cousins crying over the loss of their father. I was very very very upset, but I did not display my emotions outwardly.

About 4 weeks later, after all the "dust had settled" then I cried.

I am very sorry for your loss. Do not be hard on yourself for grieving in your own way, in your own time.

 
Old 08-13-2002, 01:37 PM   #4
bluetonic
Guest
 
Posts: n/a
Post



I know exactly what u're going thru. There isnt anything wrong with you. And what u're going thru is normal. From my personal experience, my emotions doesnt show till later. You're being a strong person right now, and eventually in time, you will start crying.

Im really sorry about the death of ur cousin. Maybe after the funeral or memorial services, you'll get the weight off ur chest, and let all your emotions out. Maybe u're in shock, and everything thats going on with ur family, u're probably just trying to make sure that everything doesnt go wrong.

I hope u begin to feel better soon.

I dont have much to tell you, but I'll give my best wishes to u.

 
Old 08-13-2002, 01:47 PM   #5
Senior Veteran
(female)
 
Join Date: Dec 2000
Location: new zealand
Posts: 570
CINDERELLA HB User
Post

Hi, hope these posts have helped you feel better. I have the opposite problem too you and it is embarrassing. I have been to funerals of people I dont really know very well (close to my husband tho) and I ball like a baby. I am worse than the deceased's family. I have tried a sedative and a drink before a funeral and it still didnt work. I fear anyone dying as I make a fool of myself. Perhaps you are all cried out over other problems?
__________________
43- mother of 13yr- mild depression-longterm back pain-anxiety disorder 2 yrs-very happily married

 
Old 08-13-2002, 01:51 PM   #6
Junior Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: Middle Tennessee, USA
Posts: 43
~Little Flower~ HB User
Post

Thanks for your kind words. I'm glad that someone understands what I mean. We're going to go see Aunt *Rachel after dinner and see how she is doing. We haven't seen her yet. I'm really worried. I don't know what to say. How do you help someone who just lost their child? Or their sister? I could never imagine losing my sisters. I love them more than anything and therefore I don't know how I'm going to comfort *Teresa. I'm just so confused.

------------------
~*Cheyenne*~
__________________
~Kind words can be short and easy to speak, but their echoes are truly endless.~

*~*Cheyenne*~*

 
Old 08-13-2002, 01:54 PM   #7
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2002
Location: Australia
Posts: 112
Chris J-L 50 HB User
Post

Little Flower, Sometimes when something happens that is really awful and we find it too hard to cope with, our mind puts up a little barrier to protect us until we are ready to grieve. The tears will come, when the barrier feels you are able to cope with this tragedy. Thinking of you and all your loved ones in your time of saddness

(((((((((((((little flower and her family)))))))))))))
------------------
CJL

[This message has been edited by Chris J-L 50 (edited 08-13-2002).]
__________________
CJL

 
Old 08-13-2002, 04:42 PM   #8
Senior Veteran
 
Join Date: Apr 2002
Location: Wichita, KS
Posts: 601
catgirl HB User
Post

Hey Little Flower

First, I am so so sorry for your loss.

Second, I wouldn't worry about not being able to cry. You might be experiencing shock or like the other's have said, your being strong for them right now & when the shock wears off the flood will come.

Third, as far as talking with your relatives, I have found that just talking with them, holding them or just being there is all that matters. You don't have to say anything special. Bring up old memories. Talk about how dear your cousin was to you, etc. Just being there is the best thing you can do.

My heart and prayers are with you. Cat

 
Old 08-13-2002, 06:03 PM   #9
Newbie
 
Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: NY
Posts: 3
CraZgrrl13 HB User
Post

I am so sorry for your loss
__________________
Victoria
"We can do no great things~only small things with great love"~Mother Teresa

 
Old 08-13-2002, 06:48 PM   #10
Inactive
 
Join Date: May 2002
Posts: 233
Fuzzy Bear HB User
Post

I'm so sorry for your loss...

((((((((((((((((((Cheyenne)))))))))))))) ))))




 
Old 08-13-2002, 08:25 PM   #11
Newbie
 
Join Date: Aug 2002
Posts: 1
bluemonke HB User
Unhappy

There is actually such a thing as a 'grief cycle'. You seem to be experiencing the classic first stage, which is denial. Mentally you accept reality, but it takes longer for it to emotionally sink in. Don't worry, nothing's wrong with you. Have you ever heard the expression 'numb with grief'? I hope all gets better.

 
Old 08-14-2002, 01:39 AM   #12
Junior Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2000
Posts: 49
Kelley HB User
Post

((((((Little Flower))))))

There is a post in here somewhere titled something about rainbows....in it talks about just being there. Sometimes that is all that is needed at times like this, just being there http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/heart.gif

I am very sorry your family is going through so much right now and for both of your losses.

 
Old 08-14-2002, 04:54 AM   #13
Veteran
 
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: B'ham, UK
Posts: 361
xKaShyLahx HB User
Arrow

((((Little Flower)))

im so sorry to here what has happened, i understand what your going through and my http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/heart.gifgoes out to you and your family at this present moment....GOD BLESS, U HAVE MY CONDOLANCES

take care http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/heart.gif

------------------
~*BaBi FaCe*~

~*Troublesome #3*~
__________________
*¤«´¨`·¸.¤*ººKa§hyºº*¤.¸·´¨`»¤*

 
Old 08-14-2002, 09:09 AM   #14
Junior Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: Middle Tennessee, USA
Posts: 43
~Little Flower~ HB User
Post

Thanks for your support everyone. It finally hit me last night when I saw her mom and sister. She really is gone. I am going to the funeral home this evening. I'm really scared. It's so hard to stand there and look at them just waiting on her to jump up and say "gotchya" or something like that. She was always making jokes about everything and now we're going to have to stand there and look at her expecting a joke but there won't be one. I just really miss her and wish that I would have been around more often.

My aunt thinks that it's her fault because she didn't go and see her that day. I tried to explain to her that it wasn't but I didn't know how so I just held her. She's taking it really hard. Of course she is. What am I saying? She was her youngest. Her baby. God I just wish I could bring her back or just get a sign that she's okay now.

Thanks again for the support and kind words. They really do help.

------------------
~*Cheyenne*~
__________________
~Kind words can be short and easy to speak, but their echoes are truly endless.~

*~*Cheyenne*~*

 
Old 08-14-2002, 10:49 AM   #15
Veteran
 
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: B'ham, UK
Posts: 361
xKaShyLahx HB User
Arrow

(((((little flower))))))
Once again i truely am sorry, at a time like this no one should be belaming thereselves, you should all be comforting and supporting each other...when my uncle died i was actually there, at first i didnt think nothing of it,but it finally started to sink in especially at the funeral'his gone' and i just broke down. I think that your finally coming to terms with whats happening, and its not a dream. Stay strong and support your family, i really think being with them and support them is the best thing to do, for i know what your cousin is in a better place ....(((hugs)))


Take Care http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/heart.gifKashy xx

------------------
~*BaBi FaCe*~

~*Troublesome #3*~
__________________
*¤«´¨`·¸.¤*ººKa§hyºº*¤.¸·´¨`»¤*

 
Closed Thread

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Board Replies Last Post
My Cousin Needs Some Help plaxmax34 Caregivers 6 04-22-2009 08:03 PM
My father just died and I feeling so sad and confused. heatherton Grief & Loss 16 09-18-2008 04:48 AM
Me/My boyfriend/His cousin. amazinggrace23 Relationship Health 14 12-19-2006 07:41 AM
Met adopted cousin for first time last week Madam Captain Relationship Health 1 07-02-2006 04:01 AM
My son died of cancer 8/25/05-We miss him so... Prayingmom Grief & Loss 18 02-26-2006 09:49 AM




Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is Off
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off




Sign Up Today!

Ask our community of thousands of members your health questions, and learn from others experiences. Join the conversation!

I want my free account

All times are GMT -7. The time now is 07:36 AM.



Site owned and operated by HealthBoards.com™
Terms of Use © 1998-2014 HealthBoards.com™ All rights reserved.
Do not copy or redistribute in any form!